On Part 5 of my series of posts, which I’m re-blogging in memory of my aunt, Tita Lola, I talk about how she was in excellent hands during her last year, living with my eldest sister and her family. Tita Lola was recuperating following her gallbladder operation.
My sister and her husband are both doctors. And where they live was an ideal setting for Tita Lola — in the suburbs, in a volcanic region in the Philippines. Fresh food. Fresh air. Peaceful and quiet surroundings. No scolding. No energy of irritation or rejection being hurled at Tita Lola’s direction.
Tita Lola was honored, valued, respected — and loved. Much loved. Tita Lola was surrounded by loving energies — finally. She deserved it.
Being in the company of my nephews and niece brought Tita Lola so much joy and happiness, peace, and bliss.
Interestingly, Tita Lola was reprising the role she once played for my siblings and me — being a guardian angel to her grandnephews and grandniece, being there for them in whatever way she could, to shower them with her love.
Unfortunately, because of my mother’s inability to deal with her inner turmoil and unresolved issues in a healthy way, she exhibited, once more, one of her familiar, unbelievably cunning ways — sadly, with Tita Lola being at the receiving end.
My mother was holding a grudge against my sister. For no compelling reason, she decided she wanted to travel to the U.S. to visit with my brother and his family — and bring along Tita Lola.
It isn’t difficult to deduce that, to get even and get back at my sister, my mother scheduled their trip — just around the time of my nephew’s elementary graduation! For them to purportedly purposely miss their [first] grandchild’s graduation! A milestone!
My nephew’s graduation was something that Tita Lola certainly didn’t want to miss. For sure, she was hugely disappointed and disheartened!
For someone who keeps her aches and pains to herself — and would sternly deny it even if it is already quite evident — is it any wonder that Tita Lola experienced cardiac arrest which led to her sudden death?
My mother’s apparent scheming decision was something beyond my imagination. Unbelievable as it was, though, I wasn’t that shocked.
My mother had so much inner turmoil and unresolved issues, displaced anger, deep-seated, long-standing inner conflicts [be it from her childhood or marriage to my father], disputes with us, her children, issues with her siblings or other relatives and friends — plus, her association with black magic, which I shared here earlier.
All these would render my mother so irrational, making her come up with such presumably sneaky decisions like deliberately skipping my nephew’s [her first grandchild’s!] graduation — and purposely dragging Tita Lola!
Sad. So saddening — for both Tita Lola and my mother.
And infuriating — especially for me, at that time, as I witnessed Tita Lola’s agony while hanging on to dear life, and I watched yet another of my mother’s theatrics unfold! [See previous post here.]
As I shared on my previous posts, I did what I could to help bring about my mother’s healing — especially after I had become aware of how severe my wounds and wounding have been, which are deeply rooted in my abusive and dysfunctional childhood and home environment and upbringing.
I had hoped and wanted — desperately —- for me and the rest of the family to be spared from further wounding.
But my mother refused to face her shadows and make the unconscious conscious.
She dismissed my attempts to help her heal by saying that she’s too old for it — and it’s only for us, her children, the younger generation.
[See related post here, Healing of our Family Tree.]
As I shared on an earlier post,
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”
A decade later, in 2009, a similar thing happened — involving and affecting me directly, this time.
I was to graduate from graduate school in Northern California in June.
During the latter part of my journey in graduate school, my mother had been there for me, for which I am ever grateful!
And for that, I wanted to share my accomplishment and celebrate with her my graduation — a milestone.
My mother was “coincidentally” planning a trip to the U.S. that year — once more, for no compelling reason.
With much excitement, I asked her to schedule it in June. Perfect timing, I said — for her to attend my graduation, as well as to celebrate my mother’s birthday!
Much to my grave disappointment, rather than be with me and join me in celebrating my milestone, my mother scheduled her trip three months later — in time to celebrate the birthdays of my sister and brother instead — her favored children, I must add!
My mother gave me what I found to be quite a lame and hard to believe excuse that the promo plane tickets that she found ‘just happen to coincide with around the time of their birthdays!’ Oh, how convenient!
Quite sadly, it is something that my mother had been doing, knowingly or not — withholding love, getting back, hurting back, getting even, even with her very own children. Especially her children — or, at least, with us, ‘less favored’ ones. Or me, the ignored one.
It was one of my mother’s countless, pitiful, habitual, dysfunctional, and wounding behaviors.
It was an addition to the growing list of episodes where, as has been usual, echa pwera na naman si Nadine! [Nadine is dismissed once more!]
Granted that I was wrong in thinking that my mother sneakily scheduled her trip, my time with her during her visit would just add even more to the surmounting severe wounding that I had been enduring from her for decades — just so that I could say that I am maintaining a relationship with my mother.
And it was one of the last few wounding behaviors of my mother that I put up with before I made the most challenging but much-needed decision of going no-contact the following year — with finality this time.
Tita Lola spent her last several months living with my eldest sister and her family after she had a gallbladder operation. I believe it took place about a year before she passed on. Tita Lola was well taken care of during her recovery. She certainly was in excellent hands.
My sister and her husband are both doctors. And where they live was an ideal setting for Tita Lola — in the suburbs, in a volcanic region located in the southeastern end of the island of Luzon, the largest in the Philippines.
Mayon Volcano is the main landmark in the province of Albay, where Tita Lola was well cared for by my eldest sister and her family. It is the most active volcano in the Philippines. Its cone is considered to be the world’s most perfectly formed volcano for its symmetry, formed through layers of pyroclastic and lava flows from past eruptions and erosion…
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