On Part 3 of my series of posts that I’m re-blogging in memory of my aunt, Tita Lola, I talk about how I acquired my disrespectful treatment towards her through my mother, Tita Lola’s younger sister.
Sadly, my mother did not respect Tita Lola. It was why she did not call on our disrespectful behavior towards our aunt, why she did not reprimand us. How could she when she was showing us the [bad] example?
The child imitates what they see and hear from adults and other external means [TV, other children, etc.]. Adults — parents, in particular — have the responsibility and obligation to teach — through words and actions — the child what acceptable behavior is and what isn’t. Not the other way around.
But that’s one of the unhealthy ways with which my mother raised me. And it is one of the countless dysfunctionalities that contributed to the deepening of my mother wound.
As I wrote on the post, “when my siblings and I got older, and the time came when we realized how horribly we had been treating Tita Lola, we were even the ones who’d scold Mom and call on her behavior — that the way she was treating Tita Lola was outright wrong and totally unacceptable.”
Tita Lola and I shared a few parallelisms.
She remained single; so did I.
She would tag along with the family [my parents and my siblings]; so did I [with my eldest sister and her family].
She was not accorded the love, attention, and respect that she deserved; so was I.
She was shamed; so was I.
She kept mum, didn’t complain, tolerated the shaming, and suffered in silence; so did I.
And for the longest time, I have felt ashamed for how I had shamed her — considering I knew how hurtful it feels to be humiliated.
But I was a young child myself — enveloped in my confusion and anger towards the shaming treatments that I was receiving from the family, particularly for the color of my skin. [See related post here.]
I also realized that my lack of respect towards Tita Lola was my little Nadine projecting on to her my unresolved hurts — not only for the rejection and shaming of the family but for why my mother passed on her motherly duties to someone else. Why let someone else meet the child’s needs for love, care, attention, and affection — when she [my mother] was very much around?
Of course, the Adult Nadine now knows that Tita Lola’s loving presence and caring were her gifts for which I’m most grateful. My mother may have rejected me, but Tita Lola accepted me — and loved me unconditionally.
I also wrote that, at that time, in 2013 [when I was going through my pivotal astrological Chiron Return], 14 years after Tita Lola’s passing, I wrote her a letter for the first time. I poured my long-held thoughts and feelings, and my desire to be released and relieved of the guilt — and be forgiven.
And I have felt an enormous shift in the energies since. The guilt has significantly lessened — and my love and gratitude deepened.
Thank you, Tita Lola! I know you are happy and at peace where you are — and I am so happy for you!☺💖🌹
Image source: http://www.visualphotos.com/
On August 2, the day before Tita Lola’s birthday, I was talking to my closest friend, a mother of a six-year-old girl and a six-month-old baby boy. Such adorable bundles of joy!
She was airing her sentiments about how children easily imitate what they see — from the people they interact with, children and adults alike, and from what they see and hear on TV. Children take after the people around them.
I don’t think there’s anyone who’ll disagree. And, interestingly, such a conversation took place as I was reflecting on Tita Lola and my relationship with her. Quite synchronistic, no doubt.
That conversation triggered my sentiments—some of my deeply buried unresolved emotions.
Tita Lola’s uniqueness
Her heart was located on the right side of her body; whatever is usually positioned on the right side was on her left. And vice versa.
That was one thing different…
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