[Continued from “The Beginning Of A Core Wounding — Being Rejected By My Mother At Birth”]
Everything is energy. Our thoughts and emotions contain energies. They are energies. Our bodies are a multi-faceted, multi-level, multi-dimensional energy system.
Energy carries a vibration. We are always broadcasting energy.
When we think happy thoughts, it affects our bodies energetically; it raises our vibrational frequency and uplifts us.
When we hold good thoughts about someone, the energy travels to the person. It uplifts them. It raises their vibrational frequency as well.
This, even without us knowing or intending. And also even without the other person knowing.
Similarly, when we think of unpleasant thoughts, especially regularly, we lower our vibrational frequency.
When we think ill of someone, that unkind thought travels to the individual. It lowers their vibrational frequency as well.
Again, even unknowingly or unintentionally.
That is why we need to be mindful of every thought that we have. Even if we keep them to ourselves, our thoughts not only affect us internally but also those to whom such thoughts are directed.
Merriam-Webster defines “curse” as “1 : to call upon divine power to send harm or evil upon, 2 : swear sense, 3 : to bring unhappiness or evil upon, 4 : to say or think bad things about (someone or something).”
“Spell” — in the context of this series of posts — is defined as “a spoken word or form of words held to have magic power.”
I know that my mother was very disappointed by my disappearance from her life. She was deeply hurt. Angered.
As I wrote earlier here, the medicine woman who I met in July 2015, revealed that my mother was casting a harmful spell on me!
I can never prove — or disprove — that with absolute certainty. [More on this in my next posts.]
But what I can say for sure is this — my mother had been holding unpleasant thoughts about me, especially in connection with my disappearance.
She may even have uttered words out of sheer anger and frustration, resulting in a “curse,” unknowingly. Or maybe even knowingly — given how wicked and cruel she could be, as I shared here.
I fully understand my mother’s ill feelings. However, I do not believe that her disappointment is because of her genuine love and concern for me.
It is the narcissist in her that’s protesting my decision of staying and keeping away from her and the family. Especially from her.
What about her image? What will people think about her? How can she “defend” herself and convince others that she is the victim?
How can she uphold her image of being a “loving” mother who sacrificed so much for the family, especially given my father’s womanizing ways and having been abandoned by him?
Why is she not able to keep her children close to her — as the model mother does?
With my heightened sensitivity to subtle energies, oh, I could feel the power struggle and clash in our energies — even at a distance. It was challenging. At times, exhausting!
I have written a number of posts on this site about the Karpman Drama Triangle [or Drama Triangle]. It describes fittingly the interactions and energy dynamics in our family.
Developed by Dr. Stephen Karpman, it represents the dysfunctional energy dynamics that play out in unhealthy and manipulative relationships. It is also often found in abusive homes and families, especially those afflicted with addictions.
The three dysfunctional roles involved are: (1) victim [poor me, help me]; (2) persecutor [the bully, villain, superior one]; and (3) rescuer [over-responsible, controller].
All three get switched — which is how the cycle perpetuates. Until one stops playing either role and chooses to engage differently — in an empowered and healthy way. Thus, ending the drama and cycle.
I didn’t want to be an enabler and participant in the toxic family drama any longer. I broke away from my mother and the family to break the unhealthy cycle of abuse and toxicity.
I took care of my brother when he suffered a ruptured aneurysm in the brain due to drug abuse. That was pivotal in my journey and in my breaking away from the family toxicity.
When my brother was recovering and regained full consciousness [he was in a coma for about two weeks], he started taking out his frustrations on me and abusing my kindness. He was back to his pre-aneurysm spoiled, quick to anger, and entitled self.
I didn’t want to put up any longer with any of the abuse in the family. I didn’t want to turn a blind eye or deaf ear anymore.
It was the beginning of the end of my rescuing and caretaking days. It was also the beginning of my distancing from the family.
I distanced from my siblings initially. Eventually, from my mother in 2010.
As with anything, we all hold different views and beliefs.
From what I’ve researched about the generational or ancestral curse and healing, this is what speaks of truth for me —
A “generational curse” involves negative spiritual, mental, physical patterns or problems from the family history that are repeated in one’s own life and generation after generation.
Some examples of these curses are victimhood; poverty, scarcity; disease and illness; premature death; miscarriages [natural or otherwise]; incest; divorce, breaking relationships, searching from relationship to relationship and never being totally happy; accidents and injuries; any type of abuse [mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual]; addictions [sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling]; adultery; violence; abandonment; betrayal; lies; manipulation; loneliness.
Bible verses referring to a generational curse manifesting up to four generations include,
Even amongst Christians, though, there are conflicting views — and interpretations — of the above text.
I’m not a Bible expert. What just struck me with that Bible passage is how it is consistent with what the medicine woman said, which I shared on an earlier post,
“…an irate family relative had cast a curse on the family, hence, the family discord and constant fights. It was cast by a female relative in my mother’s lineage, four generations back from mine — my maternal great-grandmother.”
Was the medicine woman’s reading of my and our family’s energies accurate, or did the Exodus 20:5 Bible text influence her?
Whatever the case may be, this much I know and agree with —
That is what cycle breakers do. We disrupt the status quo. We rock the boat.
Christian teachings point out that “choosing Christ” is what breaks the generational curse.
I prefer a more inclusive and universal approach —
Choosing a different way of living and engaging is what breaks the generational curse and ancestral wounds.
Putting a stop to the abusive treatments that my brother was according me was the beginning of the breaking of the cycle. I stopped being an enabler.
THAT is how we break the cycle. THAT is how we break the curse.
That is what the medicine woman meant when she said that I hold the key in breaking the family curse.
By choosing to live differently. By moving in a different direction.
In most, if not all situations, not many in the family agree or accept the decision to choose a different direction. Those left behind do as best they can — usually out of desperation, if not ignorance — to pull those who are choosing differently back to the abusive, familiar environment.
That’s what the ‘forces of evil and darkness’ want. To maintain the status quo. To perpetuate the abusive cycle. For the unhealthy pattern to be passed on to the next generations and permeate to the extended families — and eventually, the rest of society.
The fruits of the cycle breakers’ work may not be appreciated during our lifetime. We may even be condemned and judged for breaking away and breaking the pattern. Oh, I sure have had my fair share of those!
I’m hoping future generations will benefit from the work that I’m doing. It isn’t so much only for me, my little Nadine, my sanity, and well-being.
It is also for them — the next generations. My nieces and nephews from whom I have also been estranged, quite sadly, as a result of my estrangement from my family of origin.
This is partly why I’m writing on this blog about my experiences and insights.
My research shows that what will help in breaking the generational curse and toxic family cycle is by having adequate knowledge about the family history. It helps put things in perspective and context.
I hope that later, even and especially when I’m no longer in the Earthly plane, my writings will help my nieces and nephews, grandnieces, and grandnephews be better informed about what took place in their ancestral lineage.
More importantly, I hope that they — and other families that may also be trapped in the same web of dysfunctionality, abuse, and toxicity — will be more mindful not to repeat any of the unhealthy behavioral patterns that may be manifesting in their generations.
For them to choose and live differently. To choose a different direction.
For them to be the cycle breakers of their generation.
To be continued – Healing Prayers for My Mother & the Family