Before I continue my narrative, which started here, I want to say that, quite frankly, I am in awe at the energy that’s prodding me to peel away layers in my healing journey — especially in connection with my mother.
And to share about them here — and not feel ashamed of the toxicity and dysfunctionality — at times, absurdity — of it all.
I’m just following this energy, flowing with where this energy, this Muse, wants to take me. My writing can’t even keep up with the Inspiration!
The last time I felt this similar potent energy was when I was going through my astrological Chiron Return in 2013. We enter that phase between the ages of 48 to 52.
I was also writing [journaling and blogging] as much. Reading up and researching as much.
And of course, much healing and clearing were taking place.
Just like now.
Maybe it is because I am entering my second Saturn Return. We enter it at age 58 to 60.
One article says that Saturn Return
“is the doorway to the teaching stage of life and thus one of the most important functions of this doorway to find within ourselves the true teachings of our lives….We are asked to leave the ‘mother’ stage of life and move forward to the crone stage. We are being pushed to become the advisor and the teacher….once we have released that which no longer serves us, we are in a position where we can help others through teaching and mentorship.”
So, it makes sense.
Although, I have been feeling the energy of mentorship since about a decade ago. And my writing and sharing on this site have become my way of “teaching” others.
And as the article says — which I strongly resonate with —
“it is important to always remember that it is the job of the student to seek out the teacher; the teacher’s job is merely to be ready for the moment the student arrives.”
That’s also why I do not concern myself with the number of followers and likes or any of my posts going viral. I write for writing’s sake. For the healing benefit I derive from it. For the joy and pleasure.
And I trust that whoever needs to hear the message of my writing will be led to it.
So perhaps, it is the energy of Saturn Return that’s inspiring me.
Something still didn’t feel quite that right to me.
Well, my hunch was right. [As usual.]
I just found out that Chiron is in retrograde!
It started its retrograde cycle on the 10th of July  and will last until December .
No wonder I’ve been digging up my core wounds — and can’t seem to have enough of it!
As I shared on an earlier post, Chiron is the Wounded Healer and represents our core wound.
Hence — Chiron, the Wounded Healer.
And we all have the same ability as Chiron to “turn our wounds and pain into a source of power.”
If you want to know in what aspect of your life your core wounding and core wound lie, look at the house and planet positioning of Chiron in your natal chart.
One article says,
“At this time [Chiron Retrograde], we can be guided to not just think of our wounds as portals of light but of courage, strength, and purposeful action….we can allow our wounds to help us take action for a brighter future.”
Another one points out,
“….it will give us the time to reflect on our wounds and how we can turn that into our source of healing. Understand how your past has shaped you. How your wounds have made you the powerful and compassionate person you are today. Stop sugar-coating your wounds. Those wounds are a part of your soul experience and will lead you to your destiny.”
And another one reiterates,
After my mother passed away last February , I have been doing a lot of releasing. Like major releasing!!!
In an earlier post, I wrote that “in early February, just before my mother’s passing, a family friend sent me a message that has to do with my mother’s failing health and imminent demise.
Oh, the tone of the message was so accusatory, presumptuous, and condescending! Argh! The audacity of some know-it-all people, eh!
Of course, it didn’t sit well with me.
This time, rather than ignore and keep mum — as I have done all along all these years— I wrote her a lengthy letter. All eleven pages! Single-spaced! Oh, it felt sooooo liberating to have expressed myself — finally! A heavy load was lifted!”
I also shared on that post the videos of the yoga practices that I’ve been following. They have been helping release the tension and softening the tight muscles around my neck, arms, and shoulders.
I had also intuited and wrote on that post that the shoulder and arm injury is connected with the breast cancer diagnosis and the energy blockages related to my mother wound.
I had also mentioned that my cousin and I got reconnected briefly around the time of my mother’s passing.
My conversations with her have been quite healing.
I learned something from her in connection with my mother’s demise and which has to do with my mother’s association with black magic.
What she told me has helped me connect the dots, especially what the medicine woman mentioned to me in July 2015 — the family [generational] curse and my mother’s harmful spell on me, which I wrote about here.
[I will share in a later post — not on this one — the connection and conclusion that I arrived at. This is truly a potent time for healing — and completion — for me. Stay tuned!]
With the curse and spell being brought back to my awareness — the one revealed by the medicine woman — I looked up the Internet on ways to remove the curse.
I came across this YouTube video by Bernard Alvarez — Shamanic Soul Retrieval, Curse Removal, and Past Life Healing.
I, of course, listened to it to guide me in my release work. Bernard recommends it to be done every three or four months or so.
I have also been so absorbed reading up again on trauma and listening to podcasts.
I came across the Trauma and Tension Release Exercise for the first time. Oh, did I do a lot of shaking! Here’s one video:
I also posted here about the recent Trauma and Mind-Body Super Conference.
I started following and engaging in Facebook pages that have to do with healing the mother wound.
I reread my books on the topic — healing the mother wound. Still re-reading some.
I purchased a few even more. They have been helping me get clarity, especially in the area of forgiveness. More on this in future posts.
I started feeling this strong pull to write on my journal back in May , my birth month, about my family experiences, especially those in connection with my mother.
As I wrote in an earlier post, my mother’s rejection of me at birth was the beginning of a decades-long [core] wounding.
Several of those journal entries found their way on my recent posts — and future ones, for sure.
With all the release work and exercises, I have experienced significant improvements on my left arm and shoulder — thankfully!
To illustrate, I’m now able to do one monkey grip fully — left [above] over right [below]; with the other — right over left — the fingers are touching each other.
Back in March, I could bend my left arm up to my lower back only; any area higher, like reaching towards my upper back, brought unbearable pain, that unhooking the bra is impossible!
Thankfully, I don’t wear a bra — well, at least, not the kind that needs unhooking at the back — so that’s not much of an issue.
Wait. Was that over-sharing? Well, I only described that to illustrate the huge difference in mobility.
Anyways, my point is, all the release work [journaling, body movements, and energetic release exercises] that I’ve been doing beginning mid-February, after my mother’s passing — and which intensified during the COVID lockdown — significantly improved the mobility on my left arm and shoulder, yay!!!!!
And here I am, feeling a bit, sort of, almost overwhelmed — at the same time, excited — with the narratives and insights that want to come through and unto the page, whew!
Chiron, like me, was also rejected by his mother.
So, yeah, thanks to Chiron — fellow mother ‘rejectee’ — for ushering in these potent energies that are helping me in my healing and recovery — and share about them on this site.
It is my hope and intention that the removal of the curse and the trauma release work will help not only in my healing, but others in the family and our ancestral lineage.
And as is the intention of this site, I hope that by sharing and writing about my healing and transformative experiences, I will help others in their healing — and how to transform the wounds into doorways of healing and empowerment.
Just as Chiron had done.