Healing Of Our Family Tree

[Continued from Discerning the Medicine Woman’s Message. Following Inner Authority. Trusting the Inner Voice.]

After my session with the medicine woman in 2015, which I wrote about here, I researched about ancestral healing.

I came across and purchased a package online on how to break the generational curse.

Much to my disappointment, there wasn’t anything new or extraordinary in the material.

Nothing different from the tools, techniques, and practices that I have already been employing to balance my energies in helping me with my healing and recovery — and to break the cycle of abuse in the family.

Oh well.

At least, it was a validation that I was heading the “right” direction — for which I am most grateful!

*****

Summer of 2006.

I attend a three-day class on Ancestral Consciousness and Healing at JFK University in Northern California.

We perform genealogical research and ancestral healing work and rituals.

I had just started distancing from my birth family.

I set out my intention that someday, one day, our family will come together — if not on the earth plane, in the Highest Heavens.

I want the fairy tale ending — the “and they lived happily ever after.”

*****

October 1999.

I attend the Reparenting the Child Within workshop at the Ateneo de Manila University’s Center for Family Ministries.

I learn how severely wounded my inner child is. Thanks to the workshop, I become aware — at the ripe age of 37 already — that my family and home environment is abusive!

When we are growing up, we think everything at home and in the family is the norm. We are made to believe that.

That workshop brings to my awareness not only how abusive our home environment is, but also how deep my childhood wounds are. How severely wounded I have been.

****

All along, I had thought that it was my father issues that I needed to address. Father wounds that needed healing.

After all, there can be no denying my father’s abusive treatments — physical and verbal, more specifically. They were widely known amongst close family relations.

Our mother tolerated my father’s abusive ways toward us. She failed to protect us, her children, her own flesh and blood.

Not only that.

My mother eventually took part in the abuse, believing that corporal punishment is effective — and the only way to discipline children! Quite sadly, as falsely accepted by society and handed down by prior generations.

I wrote about that in a previous post here.

“Pasalamat kayo, yan lang ang nararanasan niyo. Nung panahon namin, mas matindi pa diyan ang natitikman naming parusa!”

[You should be thankful that’s all that you’re experiencing. During our time, the punishment that we received was much more severe!]

That would be my mother’s twisted reasoning and justification for the physical abuse that we had to endure —  from the very hands of our parents!

*****

If my mother cannot protect me from my father, who will?

*****

Just as how my mother instinctually hurled at us and meant her vile pronouncements when angered —which I wrote about here, My Mother’s Association With Black Magic — she, too, meant her defense for the harrowing punishments that we received.

She stood by them — and with much conviction at that!

At the inner child workshop, I became aware that more than my father wound, it was my mother wound that ran much more deeply in my system.

Our mother’s abusive treatments and behaviors were more covert compared to those of our father.

I learned that we could not put a spiritual Band-Aid on a psychological wound.

I couldn’t and mustn’t just pray away the pain. I couldn’t and mustn’t just pray to The Almighty to take it away.

I needed to do the work. The deep inner work.

I’ve had to go through an emotional purging. Mental de-clogging. Psychological detoxification.

I have to do my part — while praying for Divine guidance and assistance.

After all, doesn’t God help those who help themselves?

*****

As a result of my discoveries and aha moments from the inner child workshop, I began to feel the strong pull towards the healing of our family tree. 

I felt I had a special calling and mission in my family. 

I purchased and devoured books on the topic, mostly Christian-based teachings. Those were the only kinds available locally at that time.

I attempted to include and invite members of the family to join me in my healing journey — in what I had hoped would be our healing journey.

I wanted my family and me to begin our healing together.

*****

I gave my siblings copies of the book, Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Our Ourselves:  Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families.

I was magically led to that book. I was first introduced to the concept of the inner child through that book, two months before attending the inner child workshop. I wrote about that here.

I sponsored my mother and an older sister to attend the same “Reparenting the Child Within” workshop.

My sister didn’t have any aha moments.

My mother brushed it aside. She said that the workshop wasn’t for her — she was too old already, and it’s for the younger generations.

She was in her late 60s at that time.

No one is too old to heal and grow, in my opinion.

My mother’s lack of interest was in stark contrast to the positive feedback of a 60-year-old attendee, herself also a mother, and with grown-up children.

Asked for her takeaway from the workshop and addressing the rest of us, attendees, the younger generation, with so much gratitude and appreciation, she shared,

You’re lucky to have these kinds of workshops. We didn’t have these during our time.”

I had hoped for the same positive and appreciative response from my mother.

Oh well…..

There goes another unappreciated gift from me and wasted opportunity for my mother’s healing.

If my mother was able to quickly dismiss the workshop as something that wasn’t beneficial to her, I, on the other hand, found it quite difficult to brush aside her dismissal with, “Well, her loss, not mine.”

I wish it were as easy as that.

After all, if my mother wouldn’t take steps towards her healing, we, the children, will continue to be at the unfortunate receiving end of her unresolved inner conflicts and untamed demons — which was what happened.

Similarly, I did not receive any feedback from my siblings regarding the book. I did not see any shift in the energies. Who knows if the book’s pages were ever turned, eh?

[In 2003, I saw the copy of that book among my brother’s personal belongings when I was organizing his stuff. At that time, I was functioning as my brother’s full-time caregiver. He suffered a ruptured aneurysm in the brain because of drug abuse.]

It just seemed to me like no one from the family echoed my strong desire and intent to work on our healing.

I was disappointed, quite naturally.

I thought and had hoped that the family dysfunctionality days were finally coming to an end — with my assistance and prodding.

I wanted my family to experience the liberation and relief from being released from bondage. And the peace and joy that comes with it.

But I didn’t take it against any of them. Either it wasn’t for them, or it wasn’t their time.

And who am I to say, eh? That’s not for me to say. I am in no position.

I just find solace in the wisdom and truth in the saying,

I would also learn later that it was largely my Inner Rescuer that was behind my attempts and desire for the healing of the family.

To be continued – My Mother’s Rejection of Me at Birth — The Beginning of a Decades-long Wounding.

🌟💖🙏💖🌟

Copyright © 2011-2020 Nadine Marie and Aligning With Truth

About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Brightest & Magical Blessings!!! Om Shanti. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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11 Responses to Healing Of Our Family Tree

  1. Pingback: The Beginning Of A Core Wounding – Being Rejected By My Mother At Birth | Aligning With Truth

  2. David says:

    Wow thank you for sharing your story! I really feel sorry for what you had to go through in your childhood. I am inspired by your quest to bring healing to your family. Decades pass and you still did not give up on your dream!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, David, you are most’welcome!☺ I’m happy to share — it is most healing for me, and hopefully, for others, too.

      Thank you for your kind and compassionate words. Yeah, as I recall and write about what I’ve been through, I, too, find it incredulous. Like, did I really go through and endure all that? 😜

      I’m thankful that you are inspired by my pursuit of the healing of my family — to a fault, actually. As I mentioned in my post after this one, I have really been sooooo persistent — both in waiting for when my mother would love me and for the healing of our family. Of course, I had also realized that it was my rescuing tendency that was largely what was propelling me to pursue the healing of our family, which isn’t a healthy pattern. I’ve had to curb that tendency and hold my rein — as part of MY healing.

      Thanks for the visit, David, and for engaging! Much blessings to you!!! 😇🙏

      Like

      • David says:

        It is very interesting that you mentioned in this comment the rescuing tendency. I just looked that up by doing a google search and when you mentioned in a previous post spiritual bypassing I also looked that up as well. Both are very interesting and relevant ideas. Both relate to the idea that spirituality get messy and complicated. Though it would just be nice and blissful to just follow the heart and just give and only focus on the good points of the people around you these terms relate to the need to retreat from this attitude. Spiritual rescuing relates to the idea that by giving to certain people you can drag yourself further into the mud and just come out of the relationship feeling worse about yourself and less able to give to people in the future. Spiritual bypassing relates to the idea of balancing one giving to others to with the need to give and focus on oneself. I heard from one of my teachers that the story of Jacob in the bible where he sees in a dream a “ladder standing on earth and whose head reaches the heavens” that authentic spirituality needs to be firmly rooted on earth (in reality) in order to be able to reach the heaven. This is the message that these terms convey to me.

        Liked by 1 person

        • There must be a balance in the exchange of energies and interactions. When only one party does the giving, and the other, the taking, that’s not a healthy use of one’s energy. Eventually, the giver will feel depleted and burned out.

          Unfortunately, we have been programmed to believe that it’s better to give than to receive, or to give until it hurts. This distorted belief has misled many, neglecting one’s self and needs. Self-love is the greatest love of all. We cannot give from an empty cup. There must be a reciprocity in the giving and receiving. It cannot just go one way or for the benefit only of one party. Balance is key. Like the yin and yang.

          In his book, “Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters,” Robert Augustus Masters, Ph.D. describes spiritual bypassing as “the tendency to avoid or prematurely transcend basic human needs, feelings, and developmental tasks…. the use of spiritual beliefs to avoid dealing with painful feelings, unresolved wounds, and developmental needs.”

          I’ve seen this and continue to see this in many spiritual/ religious circles/individuals. I fell on this trap in my earlier days of my healing journey. Thankfully, I’ve come to embrace an integrated approach to my healing and recovery. My approach [beliefs, practices, and all] must be grounded for it to be effective and long-lasting. As you said, authentic spirituality must be rooted on earth. While we are in the earth plane, spiritual beings having a human experience, we must embrace — and not reject or disown — our humanness. It’s part of the experience and of who/what we are. We must integrate our humanness with our Divine essence. 🙏🙏🙏

          Like

          • David says:

            Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insights with me. I often have suffered from guilt from mistakes I have made in my teenage years and although itt is shocking I have thought that the spiritual response is to get angry at myself and just get myself even more guilty. But recently because of you and a few other people whose talks I have listened to I have realized that I have to be tolerant and embrace my past self with love just like I like to treat others. Their is this great spiritual teacher of mine who likes to say that their is big difference between someone who just preaches to others and someone who is sharing their personal journey and experiences and allows other people to join in and take inspiration for themselves. I appreciate you sharing your journey with us and allowing me to join you for the ride.

            Liked by 1 person

            • You’re most welcome, David. ☺

              May I say that the emotion of anger is a very normal and valid response. There isn’t anything “wrong” with anger; it is part of being human. It is one of the many misleading and false teachings that have brainwashed and permeated society — that we’re bad or unspiritual if we feel angry. That we shouldn’t be feeling angry. All the emotions form part of our human make-up. What makes it “bad” or unhealthy is how we deal with anger. What is our response to the emotion of anger? What do we do with anger? What do we do when we feel angry? How do we channel it so that it doesn’t cause any more harm — be it to ourselves or others? Same with guilt. What has helped me is I take a step back, do an inquiry and self-examination, dialogue with the emotion and ask what its message for me is, and wait for the answers, clarity, and insights to come to me. Sometimes, there aren’t any “big” answers — just sit with the emotion [pain, guilt, anger, fear, etc.], acknowledge it, and allow it to flow through my system.

              Yes, I agree with what you said about embracing all parts of ourselves — especially our shadow. Our failings, faults, mistakes, etc. Again, that’s all part of the human journey. We need to be kinder, gentle, and compassionate towards ourselves. Once we’ve developed that self-compassion, we’re able to be more compassionate towards others. That doesn’t mean, though, that we tolerate everything about everybody — especially when it’s abuse. No, no, no. I can be compassionate but still enforce my boundaries.

              Yes, I agree again with your spiritual teacher. I also am repulsive towards “preachers” and self-proclaimed “masters.” A true master does not boast about his / her being a master; a true master simply lives a master’s life and leads [“teaches”] by example. Usually, the most silent ones are the wisest.

              I’ve also had a direct experience with quite a number of famous international spiritual authors and healers, only to be so disappointed. I saw them live, in action, and what I saw, what they demonstrated [like interacting with the audience during their seminars/workshops, for example] was no way near what I’ve read in their books.
              Even here on the blogosphere, I have encountered a few inauthentic ones who have been writing about spirituality, etc. When I had an issue with one of them [something to do with them inviting me to be a guest blogger], the way they handled the issue was so out of alignment with what they’ve been “preaching.” It is really during times of crisis and conflict that the true character of a person is revealed. In the writing world, it’s often advised to “show, don’t tell.” Same with spirituality [ascension, evolution, etc.]. Show me — don’t tell me — how to be spiritual. 😜

              In one of my posts, I think the one after this, when I talked about mentorship, I enclosed the word “teaching” in quotation marks. That’s because, as I have grown and transformed, so, too, has my definition of teaching. Even as a teenager, I didn’t like to be told what to do. More so, now, that I’m in my crone years. Not only that, I have come to believe that I am in no position to tell anyone how to live their lives; I only can, must, and want to show and share how I am living mine and what’s working for me. It’s up to them to choose and follow or not. After all, what works for me may not work for others. It’s up to them to discern. I’m big on following one’s inner voice and inner authority.

              I also appreciate that you’re open to receiving or hearing about what I’m sharing. ☺🙏What I appreciate about you, David, is you take what you resonate with what I’m sharing, you learn more about it on your own, and integrate it for yourself. This, instead of outright asking what you must do, which is so disempowering! I hope other seekers learn how to employ that same empowered approach. 🙏 As I said, I’m big on following one’s inner voice and authority.

              Thank you for joining the conversation and co-journeying, David. 🙏 May you continue to be led to what you’re seeking while being a blessing to others!!! 🙏Much love and warm hugs!!!😇🙏💖🤗

              Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Healing Prayers For My Mother & Family. Searching For Me. Be Careful What You Pray For… | Aligning With Truth

  4. Pingback: Unexpected Yet Inevitable — In memory of Tita Lola, Part 5 | Aligning With Truth

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