(Continued from “Ancestral Curse & My Mother’s Spell On Me! [Said the Medicine Woman]“)
The Philippines is famous for spiritual healers, especially psychic surgeons. But very few of them live healthy lives. Countless have not done the inner work themselves.
Rare are those, if at all, have the proper training in the field of counseling to make them capable of giving out sound advice.
I have personally observed and experienced this with the many Filipino healers that I’ve met. I have also received the same feedback from others.
To be fair, that’s not unique to this country; such is the case anywhere else in the world.
Discernment, therefore, is a critical skill, in general, but especially so when consulting with psychic/spiritual readers/healers.
Often, if not always, those who consult with these practitioners are going through a major difficulty. They’re confused and need guidance. Solutions to their problems. Answers to their queries. Otherwise, why consult, right?
Sadly, practitioners are often tempted to take advantage of the client’s vulnerability. It is S.O.P for the inauthentic ones to tell the client that they can help through magic and spells, talisman and healing oils, etc. for which they charge exorbitant fees. This, especially since the majority of them —in the Philippines, at least — are facing financial challenges.
My visit with the medicine woman was no different. It put my discernment skill to the test.
Will I follow her blindly and believe everything she said? Or, will I listen to my inner authority and trust my intuition? Make use of the extensive research and studies and deep inner work that I have done over the past two decades, during which I dedicated my life to healing, growth, and transformation.
As with other practitioners, this medicine woman’s interpretation of my energies is based on her personal experiences, filters, and level of consciousness. As with other practitioners, too, her reading is not — and cannot be — 100% accurate.
True enough, as I probed further, our conversation revealed that the medicine woman went through similar experiences as I did of having been rejected by her birth mother, ridiculed for her physical appearance, and shamed by the entire family. Her mother also cast a harmful spell on her.
Despite all the painful experiences, she forgave them. She is supporting her birth family financially, even if she has her own family. [Helping — especially financially — one’s birth family, including the extended family, is commonly practiced and a much-admired Filipino cultural tradition.]
What I found strange is the medicine woman — instead of me, the client — was moved to tears as she narrated her sad story. I felt pain with those tears — not joy and gratitude. The deep sadness in her voice cannot be denied nor concealed.
And as I listened, with intent and growing unease, I couldn’t convince myself — the medicine woman couldn’t convince me —- that she is fully at peace with her situation with her family.
I also sensed her rescuer tendency playing out in her narrative, an unhealthy pattern that’s also deeply ingrained in me. It was a much-needed reminder.
When she first advised me earlier during the session about forgiveness and reconciliation with my mother and family, it already didn’t feel right to me, even more so after her narration, which made me question her credibility.
I felt that she might be looking for someone to commiserate with her. To drag with her in her miserable state. Which may be unconscious and unintentional.
Forgiveness and reconciliation didn’t feel right at that time; it didn’t feel right over the years following my visit, and even until my mother’s passing last February 2020. [I will expound about forgiveness in future posts, but this much I will say, which I have already shared on this site — Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation.]
* * * * *
The medicine woman gave me a talisman for me to keep close to my body to protect me from being harmed by my mother’s spell. Despite my hesitation, given what I had just shared above, I purchased it nonetheless.
I had an honest conversation with the Universe —
I’m not entirely convinced about the talisman if I need it. But I will use it for as long as I am deriving a benefit from it.
* * * * *
A week or so after my session with the medicine woman in July 2015, I travel to the island of Guimaras, where I stay in a resort which is owned by a woman who, creepily, looks so much like my mother!
Same facial features. Same petite built. Same fair skin tone. She is also a heavy smoker. [Oh, but I firmly set my boundaries, and she wouldn’t smoke in my presence.] She has a much softer voice, though, compared to my mother.
It is my first time to encounter a woman who could easily and very much pass of as my mother, if not her long-lost twin! If my mother had passed on much earlier, I would think this woman is her reincarnation!
She and I have a conversation about a possible venture in connection with her resort. I like and resonate with the concept of what she plans to do with its expansion.
At this time, I am still holding on to my dream of creating a healing center/community and imagine the opportunity presenting itself and unfolding. I am also still exploring where my next destination-seaside-home will be.
In all my interactions with the resort owner, I am mindfully observing my inner sensations and reactions to her energies. Keenly witnessing the energy dynamic between us.
I am in a more neutral space. Her energies, especially similarities with my mother, do not repulse me – to my pleasant surprise.
Despite the similarities in her physical appearance with my mother, and the possibility of manifesting my dream of a center and community, I do not feel any compelling pull to continue the connection. There is no warm fuzzy feeling. No “oh-I-miss-my-Mom” energy. I even feel more detached from it all.
Besides, her smoking habit is a huge turn off and nonnegotiable. [That goes with all other smokers.]
We end our exploratory discussions with my commitment to connecting her with someone I had met earlier with whom she may have a joint venture. But I will not be part of the picture.
I return to my room and prepare for my departure the following day. I reflect on my brief stay and encounter with the resort owner.
I realize that the rejected and unloved little Nadine looking for Mommy to accept and love her did not take over the driver’s seat! Not this time.
Little Nadine is, in fact, thankful that I kept her in a safe and protected space — especially with keeping her, keeping us — little and Adult Nadine — away from the toxicity, particularly the resort owner’s nasty smoking habit. This, despite the opportunity and the possibility to manifest my long-held dream of a healing center and spiritual community.
I take a dip in the calm, aqua blue waters, thanking the water spirits as I wind up my stay.
While taking a shower and as I take off my bikini bottom where I pinned the talisman — yup, the medicine woman was adamant that I wear it even while taking a swim — the talisman ‘accidentally’ gets unpinned, falling into the shower drain! It is impossible to retrieve it.
My immediate thought —
“Oh well….I guess I do not need you anymore. You have served your purpose. Thank you!”
I don’t panic. I don’t feel unsafe or unprotected with the talisman gone.
Just a calm acceptance and appreciation for the purpose that the talisman has served, albeit briefly.
* * * * *
It is January 2016.
I am going through yet another crazy travel-related experience, which makes me reexamine that session that I had with the medicine woman in July 2015.
Is this misadventure — along with all my previous unfortunate travel explorations a result of my mother’s harmful spell, as revealed by the medicine woman?
I am desperate. I consult with a spiritual reader in the U.S. with whom I had sought guidance once a few years prior.
She mocks the idea of a curse.
“You don’t even hear about that, we don’t even talk about that here [in the U.S.] anymore,” she says in a condescending tone, insinuating that only the less than civilized societies uphold such practices. White supremacy at its finest!
Interestingly, our phone connection is sooooo erratic. Aside from her mockery, I hardly comprehend what she’s saying. I do not finish my one-hour session from where I didn’t get much information or guidance, anyway.
We agree to continue when there is a better connection — which would never happen. I don’t feel the pull to continue.
* * * * *
We may have had a bad line connection, but the message that comes through clearly is the Universe is blocking me from reaching out to external sources [i.e., readers and healers] for answers and guidance.
Follow your Inner Authority, Nadine. Trust your Inner Voice. Discern on your own. Listen to your Higher Knowing. Follow your Inner Truth.
The answers are within you. You know, and you will know what to do.
Oh yeah. Loud and clear, Universe, thank you!
To be continued