I had been estranged from my birth mother since 2010. With her demise last February came the end of a long era of rejection, deception, manipulation, falsehoods, and betrayal — among others. [Condolences unnecessary, please. More about that in future posts.]
I had thought I could finally close the lid on that loooong, dark chapter which comprised more than half of my life. [I’m now 58.]
After all, I have long ago accepted and made peace with what took place between my family of origin and me — especially my birth mother.
Now that she’s no longer on this earthly plane, I can just continue moving forward with my life and leave the abusive chapters and toxicity behind me. I can just look forward to spending my golden years in peace and quietude.
Or so I thought.
Because I realized that it is now pay-it-forward time.
It’s time for me to contribute to the healing and recovery of other wounded daughters.
To do that effectively and authentically means revisiting the painful past and reliving heartbreaking memories of my narratives and experiences.
And as I reexamine the past, I am bound to dig old wounds and feel the pain once more.
I cannot just describe the tip of the iceberg; I need to get to its base.
But the process is necessary to reveal where I came from, how far I have come, and what I’ve had to go through to get to where I am now — while seeing it through a different set of lens and level of consciousness, and offering a message of hope to others.
I named this blog, Aligning With Truth.
Since its inception in 2011, though, even as I align with Truth when expressing myself here, I have left out specific narratives, particularly around my birth mother — how unloving she had been to me and how it had severely wounded and damaged me, especially mentally and emotionally.
I may have bared my heart on this site in my writings, but I still had some reservations. I was afraid of the criticisms, judgments, and condemnations that others would hurl at me — especially on my decision to go no contact.
I may have been blogging and sharing about my experiences, the lessons I’m learning or being reminded of, and the insights that I’m gaining — which is the focus and purpose of this site — but I have still been tiptoeing when the topic or my sharing would veer towards talking about my toxic relationship with my birth family and birth mother.
I was again walking on eggshells, still being overly cautious. I was still feeling gagged. I was silencing myself.
The way I had been silenced at home.
I was still playing out the same unhealthy energy dynamic that played out in the toxic, dysfunctional home environment in which I was raised.
This site is accessible to any of the 7.8 billion human beings who have Internet access — not excluding family relations and friends, mine and of the family, who are oblivious to the severity of my family and mother wounds, particularly the extent of the damage that such wounds had on my psyche. I am risking and opening up myself to the possibility of being negated and invalidated.
But I no longer want to focus on that possibility.
Instead, I am focusing on continuing to manifest the reality of making this site a most safe and respectful haven for sharing and engaging. For me to express myself freely. For other unloved and wounded daughters to join the conversation — sans the reservation, humiliation, and condemnation.
It has been my intention for this site to be a channel through which healing takes place. And I would like this site to contribute to the healing of fellow unloved and wounded daughters. To break the inter-generational wounds and not pass them on to future generations.
I am hoping and intending for the validation and nurturance that this site and my writings are offering to result in more conscious parenting and relating.
To spare the world from further inheriting unresolved issues and unhealed wounds.
To break the collective cycle of home dysfunctionality, childhood abuse, and family trauma.
And I can accomplish that, not by “selective sharing,” but by sharing about deep, personal issues and narratives — so that others may relate and to make them feel validated. Feel less alone.
That I, too, have been there.
That I, too, was trapped in a cage.
That if I was able to find a way out, then they, you, too, can get out.
Because there IS a way out.
That much-needed message of comfort and validation had evaded me for most of my journey.
And I want those who are led to this site to hear clearly and loudly and deeply feel that message of reassurance and validation as I share my narratives and healing and recovery process.
It’s my version of the #MeToo movement for unloved and wounded daughters.
I have no intention of shaming or blaming my birth mother. I have no desire to gain sympathy.
I have just come to the point in my journey where I want to help others feel that they’re not alone. I know very well how it is to feel alone and not get any support. I understand the pain and confusion of being unloved by one’s mother — and then to be invalidated by society.
If you are a wounded and unloved daughter, you don’t have to go through the struggles in isolation — not the way I did.
And for a child to not have anyone to come to for comfort, guidance, and support, that is most frightening!
And for adult children of abusive parents and dysfunctional homes and families to be made to feel wrong by society is even more damaging and maddening and is detrimental to one’s healing and recovery! And with much thanks now to the Internet, help and support are readily available and easily accessible.
I hope to inspire and encourage those who may be feeling hopeless, helpless, and clueless. To offer hope to those who feel stuck and are looking for some guidance on how to step away from darkness and into the light. Offer the perspective that what happened to us in our childhood is not our fault. Never was. Never will be.
How our parents treated us as children is not because of any of our doing. It also isn’t our responsibility.
Our responsibility is to ourselves and how to rewrite our stories from being sufferers to conquerors. How to make sense of the messiness and craziness in our family situations. How we can grow and evolve to become the Empowered Women that we were born and meant to be. The embodiment and expression of the Divine Feminine, balancing it with the Sacred Masculine.
We don’t have to endure the abuse and suffer in silence. We can — and must — rock the boat. For our well-being and sanity. For our physical, emotional, and mental health.
Being unloved and having an unloving mother isn’t something to be proud of; it also isn’t something to be ashamed of.
Having been unloved shouldn’t make us feel doomed. The emotional neglect and other kinds of abusive treatments may have left us with a severely wounded inner child, but we can heal and recover from the wounds. We can reclaim our innocence. We can learn how to mother ourselves — instead of seeking it from others.
It may be a rough and scary road to recovery. The ride may be turbulent. It certainly isn’t for the faint of heart.
But one thing I can assure you — it sure is well worth the ride!
Being an unloved daughter doesn’t make one unlovable or incapable of loving others. An unhappy childhood need not equate to an unhappy life.