New Year’s Resolutions and looking back at the year that has past have lost its charm for me. I can’t even recall when the last time was when I drew up a list of New Year’s wishes.
See, self-reflection has become a habit. A daily routine. It’s something that I do without even thinking about it. No need to remind myself to pause and take a step back.
Yet that’s precisely what I found myself doing over the holidays. I reminded myself to use the time — the boredom and loneliness — for deep introspection. To find the answer to the question, What next?
The breast cancer diagnosis that I faced in June 2018 was quite a nudge from the Universe. As has been with most of my experiences and adventures, I began blogging about the diagnosis and the insights that I was gaining.
But in 2019, I stopped. Unintentionally. My energies and inspiration were redirected. My involvement in our residential community state-of-affairs pulled me away from the blogosphere.
I’m not regretting it. Not regretting my involvement in our residential community drama, a continuing saga. I view every experience and encounter as part of the journey anyway.
But I miss blogging. Terribly. And blogging regularly. Not just sporadically — as I did in 2019.
I’ve missed the process of thoughts — alright, rants at times — finding their way through my fingers onto the keyboard and the screen.
I’ve missed the process of starting with a single thought, staring at a blank screen without any clue as to where Inspiration would guide me.
I’ve missed the joy and fulfillment in the creation process. In writing for writing’s sake.
And of course, I’ve also missed the interactions and connections with the readers.
Sure, my involvement in our residential community affairs also gave me the opportunity to utilize and share my gift of writing — which is why I also found joy and experienced a sense of fulfillment. It is also why it didn’t quite feel that I was ‘off-track.’ I also had my share of face-to-face, warm body interactions which the blogosphere is not able to provide.
But it was different.
The experience was different from what I had felt on this site. Waaaaaaay different. Often, I felt my energies being depleted. (Hmmmm….Did I not just say that it didn’t quite feel that I was ‘off-track?’ Yet I felt depleted? Now, there’s something that’s off right there, eh?)
So, here I am at my first attempt at coming back to the page. Coming back to what it is that has enlivened me and gave me a sense of purpose and much fulfillment over the past several years.
Have compassionate patience, Nadine. You’ll get the hang of it, and it’ll come back to you soon enough. The Muse just took a much-needed hiatus.
May we all be guided to and keep our focus on what it is that gives us the most joy!
Blessed be all!