And with just a few hurtful words went pffft — our friendship.

Image Source: http://pixabay.com

It wasn’t so much what she said that mattered.

What her words meant — that was what made me feel gutted.

Her words and actions — inactions —were a clear indication of her lack of regard for me. Of not valuing me enough.

And with just a few hurtful words went pffft — our friendship.

A couple of days ago, I lost someone I considered my closest, ‘bestest’ friend. The only ‘friend’ I had.

I’m not a Christmas person.

By that, I mean I don’t just not celebrate Christmas the traditional way; I don’t celebrate Christmas AT ALL.

Christmas has become an ‘ordinary’ day for me. One of the other 300+ regular days.

There’s no bitterness when I say that. No sadness. No regret.

I am, in fact, relieved and much grateful that I’ve chosen years back to remove from my life the major stressor that is Christmas. One of those that make me the maverick that I AM.

Yet, I had still hoped that my friend would have remembered me and  ‘greeted’ me on Christmas Day.

To have thought about me.

To have wondered about how I was doing or how I was spending the day knowing fully well I was ‘alone’ — and especially more so as it’s the first Christmas Holidays following the breast cancer diagnosis.

I had hoped that she would have made it known to me and felt by me that she was thinking about me.

My estrangement from my family of origin makes the Christmas holidays a tad bit more ‘challenging’ in the sense that to not be with family is already unheard of, to begin with, in the Philippines, my country of origin.

Even more so during the holidays.

The Christmas holidays.

The most celebrated holiday in the Philippines. The observance of which starts with the ‘ber months’ — September. Seriously. Christmas carols start to play at the onset of September!

I’m as maverick as I can be.

But it’s Christmas! You’re supposed to be spending it with family and loved ones.”

Yeah right.

Well, see, the ‘supposed to’s’ don’t apply to me.

I don’t do or choose anything just because I’m ‘supposed to.’

I choose and engage in only those that bring me joy. Plain and simple. Regardless of whether or not it goes with or against tradition.

[What I end up choosing and doing almost always end up going against tradition. Unintentionally.]

Societal traditions have no space in my maverick life.

Such as the Christmas Holidays.

Especially the Christmas Holidays.

It wasn’t really that big of a deal that I’d be spending Christmas Day ‘alone’ — for yet another year.

[Speaking of traditions. Spending Christmas Day alone has been my holiday tradition.]

But I still wanted to feel remembered. Feel ‘less alone.’

To feel loved.

On this particular Christmas Day.

But for her to not even check in with me — even with a quick, short text message. Now, THAT became a big deal to me.

And an eye-opener.

Even more so her reaction after I told her how I felt about her non-remembrance.

Especially that, as I wrote earlier and I reminded her that it is the first Christmas Holidays following the breast cancer diagnosis.

It was a deal-breaker. Fair and square.

To think that on Christmas Day, I was reflecting on how ‘quiet’ my holidays have been this year. Literally and figuratively. Uneventful so to speak. Drama-free.

So unlike Christmases past.

And I was so grateful. So, so grateful.

And yes, despite the breast cancer diagnosis.

Image Source: http://pixabay.com

I received a text message from her on the morning after Christmas Day.

I replied truthfully — that I had hoped that I would have received even at least a text message.

A text message that would have made me feel that I mattered.

I’m not one to sugar coat anything. It was clear — and I made it clear — that I was disappointed.

No response.

Ignore.

That was how my friend handled my admission of disappointment and feeling abandoned.

The following day — despite having been ignored — I took the initiative and made the first move.

Reluctantly, I called her.

She confirmed that she had received my text message and just chose not to respond — not even to acknowledge that she had received my text. 

[Well, truth be told, acknowledging text messages doesn’t form part of her make up, to begin with. Why then would her lack of acknowledgment— even of an ‘important’ message — be a surprise, eh?]

Image Source: http://pixabay.com

It didn’t take long for me to feel the familiar energies that I had felt with my family of origin — and especially my mother — while I listened to this now ex-friend spew out her unbelievable excuses and justifications! [“Palusot” in the Filipino language, a commonly held and accepted practice — not by me, though.]

Thankfully, I now know differently. So much differently.

I’m now so much more aware and much wiser.

And it was an opportunity for me to respond differently to similar unhealthy and unloving energies.

For deeper healing of the emotional root cause of the malignant tumor in my left breast which I wrote about not too long ago here.

I wasn’t going to settle for less any longer and overlook the fact that she didn’t care for me or value me enough.

With a few hurtful words went pffft — our friendship.

What took place was a long time coming.

When a relationship ends, it is often an accumulation of unresolved conflicts and issues and irreconcilable differences.

The end of a relationship is never just because of one disagreement or incident.

But it is that one argument or episode that is the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back.

As it did with our friendship.

Balancing Giving & Receiving

In the post, The Emotional Root Cause of the Malignant Tumor In My Left Breast,  I shared that “there was a huge disparity in my giving and receiving” in all of my past interactions.

Well, our friendship wasn’t that much different.

It had followed the same pattern of imbalance in the energy exchange — with me doing more of the giving and her, the receiving.

While I’m grateful that there had been a bit more ‘balance’ in our interaction as compared to all my previous friendships, there was still an imbalance in the exchange — albeit not as ‘overly-imbalanced.’

But the dismissal and rejection that I felt from this ex-friend, the lack of concern and regard, being not valued and cared for — all that was merely the Universe’ way of protecting me.

The Universe loves me enough to have kept me away from more trouble. From getting even more deeply involved in a friendship that proved unhealthy for me.

The Universe knows I deserve so much more than what this ex-friend was willing, able, and capable of giving.

The Universe wants me to be accorded what I’m worthy of. What I deserve. What I ought to receive.

Respect. Honor. Kindness. Compassion. Love.

All of us deserve nothing less.

And I can only thank my ex-friend for reminding me of that. For pointing me to what I truly deserve.

For redirecting me to what I’m so worthy of —

Respect. Honor. Kindness. Compassion. Love.

On Christmas Day and any other day,

With or without breast cancer diagnosis or any other health or life challenge,

Every day is a day to give AND receive

Respect. Honor. Kindness. Compassion. Love.

🕉🙏🕉

Copyright © 2011-2018 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Brightest & Magical Blessings!!! Om Shanti. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
This entry was posted in Healing, Holidays & Festivals, Relationships, Spirituality and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

🌛🙏💖🌟🌞Would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and wisdom!!!🌞🌟💞🙏🌜

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s