My healing, growth, and transformation do not come about when I arrive at the point of ‘being cancer-free.’
It comes about with — given the diagnosis — how am I dealing with it? How am I handling it? How do I take what I had been told?
Do I remain steadfast in my faith and stay in a state of Grace, Ease, and Peace?
Or do I throw away all my extensive decades-long inner work out the window and become careless and mindless since “my-days-are-numbered-might-as-well-enjoy-however-way-I-want”?
Ok, I wasn’t told exactly that, but such a challenge does make one wonder, eh?
Where do I derive enjoyment and pleasure? What is it that gives me joy?
How can I be in joy so that my remaining years — however many they are — will be the most joyous and fulfilling time of my life?
This, despite the diagnosis of the breast cancer.
I’ve shared on this site some of the most challenging, devastating, painful, traumatic, unbelievably tragic times in my life especially in recent years. Really.
One is wont to think and believe that I must have led horrible past lives and have done the most awful, despicable things and have caused the most agonizing pain in others — be it in this or other lifetimes — for me to be re-paying them in this lifetime. Payback time!
Well, in this lifetime, I have been a bitch and a witch back in my corporate heyday. Anybody with whom I interacted would attest to that. I’m not going to deny it.
I’m not proud of it; I’m not ashamed of it either.
Would that be enough basis for me to be “punished” now for my bitchiness and witchiness and pay my karmic debts?
Either that or I must be cursed. Evil spells may have been cast upon me, especially by those who I had offended.
Also, ever since my return to the Philippines in 2010 from my four-year sojourn in Northern California — the best years of my life — my experiences have been obscenely distressing and heart-breaking!
So, yeah, it wouldn’t be far-fetched to conclude that I’m being punished or cursed.
But I’m not drawing such a conclusion.
The challenges are just the ways through which my Soul chose to grow — the ways through which I can rise above my Humanness and express my Divinity.
Staying Calm Amidst The Storm
Adversities are opportunities for us to allow God’s Grace to flow through.
To be filled with Hope and Love so we can courageously sail through the challenges and not against them.
To not be victimized by the circumstances but instead, be made stronger, hope-filled and more faithful by them.
Be more loving. More peace-filled.
To be God/Goddess personified.
Oh, it can also be so tempting to use the diagnosis of breast cancer as a justification for bad behavior.
I can easily justify getting — demanding for — what I want just because I am going through a difficult health challenge.
Who amongst humanity, though, is NOT going through a challenge in some shape or form, eh?
Adversities do not give us permission to be entitled. We don’t earn that right just because we’re going through a challenge.
On the contrary, we are humbled by them. We are humbled and made stronger by the adversities.
The diagnosis of breast cancer may have reminded me of my mortality, the limited human capacity, and limitation of the physical body.
But it also reminded me and reiterated to me the infiniteness of the capacity of the human spirit to triumph over any adversity.
There can be, and there is no limitation to one’s Divinity and to demonstrate that in the most trying of times.
I was also reminded that to live in joy DOES NOT mean living WITHOUT any disappointments and setbacks.
When setbacks happen, joy does not have to go out the window completely; joy can take a back seat.
I can allow joy to take a back seat — albeit temporarily — knowing it is always there.
This, as I give myself the time and space to act out, get angry, swear…anything and everything that will help get me through from a state of being confused and pissed to a state of bliss and peace of Serenity.
Of Being Content.
And I must give myself as much time as I need — according to MY needs and not others’.
It is also so tempting to justify being less patient and less compassionate to those who are showing me anything but compassion. To be disrespectful and unloving to those who are rude and unloving towards me.
But if I respond to such energies with that of the same low vibrational frequency, I’d be contributing to the proliferation of the misqualified energies that have been circulating in our world. I’d be participating in the dance of the miscreated and the falsely led.
Other people’s ‘dark shadow’ will not be brought to light with another’s ‘dark shadow.’
I must be the candle in the darkness. The spark in the dark.
This, despite the breast cancer diagnosis — or any challenge for that matter.
Finding the Joy Beyond the Pain
I cannot, will not, and must not allow the diagnosis of breast cancer to pull me back to my unawakened, unaware days and be led and guided by my ‘Dark Shadow.’
I must be vigilant in reminding myself to find the joy beyond the pain.
To move through the pain trusting, believing, knowing this is merely a human experience that my Soul chose as an opportunity for me to grow and transform. Of how I must not give my power away to the diagnosis — or any setback — and use it instead to hone my skills.
To embrace and honor my humanness and all of humanity — as I move beyond the limitation of my human capacity, demonstrate my Divinity and triumph over this and any other adversity.
That is one gift that I can give to and leave with humanity.
And that is one of the many gifts of the breast cancer diagnosis — for which I remain grateful.