Over the years, just as this site would be celebrating its anniversary — which is on the 11th of November — a reader would be led to an article that I wrote when I was going through laryngitis.
This site was celebrating its 1st anniversary at the time. I was experiencing blockages in my throat chakra.
I was tiptoeing in my blogging, being overly concerned with what the readers would think. Their impression of me.
This, as opposed to giving myself the permission and freedom for expression.
Ahhhh…To write to express myself and not to impress. Something I need to remind myself constantly and imprint in my psyche.
For someone who didn’t receive the attention, affection, approval, appreciation, and affirmation that a child needs for proper emotional development, it is so tempting to use blogging as a way to direct the spotlight on me. To fill the void. To satisfy those unmet childhood needs.
When I was starting my blogging journey, I experienced writing blocks because I was so afraid of how the individuals involved in my stories and experiences would respond to my writing.
I was worried I might offend them and earn their ire. I was scared to be criticized.
I was afraid they’d disagree with me or challenge me with the accuracy of my stories.
But it is my recollection of those events. It is my interpretation of my experiences, the insights that I gained, and growth opportunities that those incidents gifted me with that I’m writing about.
Why must I hold back speaking my truth? Why am I depriving myself of my freedom for self-expression, eh?
Write to express not to impress.
For as long as my focus is on the readers being able to relate to my writing or agreeing with what I’m saying, I will experience blockages in my throat chakra. My writing will be inauthentic. My blogging and sharing won’t be organic.
I must keep my attention away from how my writing would impact others and bring the focus to myself — not in a narcissistic way — but for the sheer pleasure and joy of expressing myself and trust that whoever is supposed to read my message will be led to my writing — as was what happened to this reader.
I took the long and winding road before I got to this space where I treat my blogging as a medium for self-expression rather than making an impression — a channel through which I can overcome my deep-seated childhood wound of seeking approval — not by collecting as many likes or readers, but by releasing my attachment to how my writing would make an impact on others.
Write to express not to impress.
Thankfully, I’m no longer invested in the statistics as a measurement of my self-worth or ability to write or whether or not I’m making a difference.
Having said that, each time I receive comments expressing happiness and gratefulness for having been led — synchronistically most certainly — to my site because what I wrote is precisely what the reader needed to hear, it is incredibly humbling and utterly inspiring!
I know that it is the Universe nudging me to continue heeding the call for self-expression through writing.
It is, after all, quite an honor to be acknowledged and appreciated for one’s creation.
And I’m extremely mindful when I say that — that it isn’t the recognition that is my sole motivation for writing and sharing.
I need to remind myself that whether or not my writing impacts one or none, immediately after I publish it or much later, whether the impact is felt in this lifetime or the next or not at all, I mustn’t be discouraged. I must continue speaking my truth and writing to express myself and not to impress.
After all, we never know how we make an impact or touch other people’s lives.
My only job is to engage in what brings me joy and fulfillment; how what I engage in brings joy to others is the Universe’s job, not mine.