An Otherwise Quiet Moment Of A Free Spirit

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I am a ‘Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).’ An introvert. Add to that, I’m an empath.

I can feel and sense energies. Easily. Deeply. Strongly.

That’s why I need to be vigilant that I do not absorb the energies of other people, situations, and environments — especially those that are toxic. Or when I do — which is unavoidable — that I release them from my system.

Those of you who are also an HSP know that, compared to the majority, it takes a longer time to process and release energies that are not healthy for us or do not serve us.

My Coping Mechanism In My Younger, Unaware Days

When I wasn’t aware of my heightened sensitivity, I had thought that I was holding grudges and didn’t want to let go.

I even attributed it to having inherited my mother’s genes. [I blamed it on her, my poor mother!] She is, after all, known for holding grudges. She has a strong Cancerian — her astrological Sun sign — personality, thus is quite emotional. [When I think about it now, perhaps she is, like me, highly sensitive; she just doesn’t know it and how to deal with it.]

In my younger years — my unaware, unawakened, inauthentic days, my fitting-in and needing-to-be-accepted-and-be-part-of-the-crowd days — I turned to alcohol and cigarettes as my coping mechanism.

I needed to numb my senses as a way of dealing with the discomfort and distress of being with harsh energies and the stimulation. At times, overstimulation.

Drinking and smoking were also how I dealt with all the work-related stress.

It was the only way I knew how to cope. To survive.

At the time, I didn’t think, didn’t believe, didn’t know that saying no to unpleasant energies was an option. I sure hadn’t defined my boundaries. Heck, I didn’t even know the concept!

I was too afraid to not be ‘in.’ To not be part of the crowd. To be seen as a ‘killjoy.’

Not realizing that it was MY joy that I was killing!

I was more concerned about others instead of myself. I was dishonoring myself and my needs.

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Thankfully, I now know that to honor me and my needs IS what brings me joy; to do otherwise is what kills it.

Nowadays, I couldn’t care less what others think of me — including and especially being seen as a kill-joy. The only joy that I’m concerned about not killing is mine.

The responsibility of enlivening one’s self and bringing about joy to one’s life is a personal one.

I engage and participate only in what brings me joy; if not, I can now easily and quickly say no.

I do things not out of a sense of obligation or guilt but for the sheer pleasure and enjoyment that I derive from it. If I don’t thrive, no point hanging around. Out the door I go!

I don’t go to parties or large get-togethers. I prefer intimate gatherings.

I avoid crowds — instead of wanting to be part of them as I used to.

I detest loud conversations, music, people, and places. I like quiet moments.

I don’t engage in small talks. I find them boring.

I find cities overwhelming. I much prefer small towns and countryside. Seaside most definitely.

I find comfort in the slow pace. Laidback. Carefree.

Being around others and in situations and environments where the energies are not aligned with my preferences not only annoy me. They drain the life force off me!

I need to get away and remove myself.

It is for this reason that I now prefer solitude. I need so much time and space to myself — more than with others. I thrive in being alone. In the quiet moments. In stillness.

It’s not that I’m anti-social. I just choose with whom I socialize.

Back in my corporate heyday, I wouldn’t have imagined ever identifying with these preferences! My colleagues would think it’s a different person who’s talking.

And it is. It is a different person.

Well, yes and no.

It’s not an entirely different person. Just someone who has come back to who she really is. Someone who has embraced a life anchored in Truth.

[Read related post, Is It Who I Have Become Or Who I Am Coming Back To?]

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That’s why my recently concluded involvement in our residential community’s state of affairs [too much ‘drama’!] — which I wrote about here — was just too much for the lone wolf that I AM!

And as I shared in my previous post, being a lone wolf in the Philippines can be quite a challenge because it isn’t the norm. It is looked upon as ‘wrong.’ That there’s something the matter. There’s something ‘wrong’ with you when you’re alone.

By My Happy Lonesome Until…

Just now, I’m composing this blog entry by my happy lonesome at the poolside — on a full moon Friday evening — being recharged by the lunar energies.

An admin staff who’s about to hang out near the pool passes me by and instinctually asks, “Oh, why are you alone?”

Right away, I feel the energy of wrongness in his query. That there’s something wrong with me being alone.

My reply?

Why are YOU alone?”

With a sheepish smile and weakened voice, he utters, “Oh, now there’s two of us,” not without a flush creeping across his cheeks.

His words of reassurance are directed at me — as if I needed any comforting. But it is evident to me that it is a projection.

He doesn’t hang out for long, though. I didn’t think he would.

I’m not sure if his discomfort is stemming from him being alone or from having embarrassed himself in his attempt — unconscious and unintentional, of course — to shame me for my choice of solitude.

As if I care, eh? As if it matters to me what others think when they see me or others who are unaccompanied. As if being alone perturbs me. It doesn’t bother me; why should it bother you, eh?

Oh, right, this is the Philippines,” I remind myself.

I also remind myself to stop focusing on others’ reactions. To not judge them for judging me for choosing to be alone — and different. [So yeah, I still get triggered. But I don’t let it get to me.]

I remind myself to continue living as I please — even if it doesn’t please others.

I remind myself of how so much freeing it is to no longer be trapped in falsehood and inauthenticity — despite being in a culture that is not very accepting of free spirits.

To offer a prayer of thanks for how far I’ve come in my journey towards authentic expression and living.

And bless others for gifting me with another opportunity to keep staying firm in my resolve to express myself authentically — no matter how it goes against the majority.

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Ahhhh….A moment of a minor disturbance in an otherwise quiet moment of a free spirit.

Just another one of my typical days.


Copyright © 2011-2018 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Brightest & Magical Blessings!!! Om Shanti. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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7 Responses to An Otherwise Quiet Moment Of A Free Spirit

  1. Thanks for this Nadine Marie…completely identify with much in your post—mother’s, grudges, introversion. I find myself becoming more and more introverted compared to my pay earlier years, yet often fight against it. I need to further embrace this shift, find the stillness, and as always become more aware and more accepting…of everything. Thanks for the reminder.

    Liked by 2 people

    • You’re most welcome, Jonathan. How have you been? It’s been a while…. Hope Life’s been kind to you. But if this is a challenging time, I hope you’ll navigate through the darkness with grace.

      I’m glad you can identify with what I shared, and it served as a reminder.

      Thanks for the visit, Jonathan, and Much Peace & Magical Blessings to you!!!😇🙏🌞💜🌟


  2. Renee says:

    Hi Nadine! (or do you prefer Nadine Marie?) Love your poolside story! I’ve noticed that a lot of people do not like to be alone, but as introverts/empaths, it seems we savor it! Being alone is completely different from being lonely! And I’ve also had people ask me questions that are puzzling to me. If I saw an individual at the pool I would never ask “oh, why are you alone?”. Whether the person is enjoying laying out in the sun, reading a book or writing on paper or a laptop, (as you were on your blog) why would I ever ask someone “why are you alone?” LOL. I relate exactly how you felt. His ‘greeting’ (passive aggressive style imho) triggers me also! When I am at the pool, even just a quick smile from someone is a warm gesture, versus “why are you alone?” !!!! I just saw a quote last night that made me laugh: “I’m on Sanity Island in a sea of crazy” ha ha!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Renee!
      Yeah, that poolside story will put a smile on my face each time I recollect it. #amusing😀 But, oh, the absurd & ridiculous questions I hear! In my got-out-of-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed days, I’m most definitely short-tempered. It’s so tempting to respond in the Filipino language with, “Ano bang pakialam mo?” That comes out as quite offensive, but that is an accurate reflection of how I feel. Loose translation — Why should that concern you? Or why is it any of your business? When asked in Filipino, oh you’re sure to be perceived as a bitch! 😁😁 I don’t know if I have ever blurted that to someone, but countless are the times that I so wanted to! One of these days, I just might….😉 Ahhhh….the Filipino and their cluelessness when it comes to the concept of boundaries and personal space. Sigh….

      We do savor our alone time, don’t we? And yes, there’s a huge difference between being alone & lonely. Altho, as you know, the majority equate the two. Oh well…
      Love that quote, Renee!👌
      Take good care dear 💜, & always loving you, your visits, & comments! 💖😍❤ May you continue to be blessed & a blessing to others! 🙏💙😇


      • Renee says:

        Hello again NadineMarie!
        I don’t know about Filipino culture, but I’ve also had a handful of (all Caucasion) Americans ask me very blunt questions. Some have met me just once, others casually for years. One acquaintance (elderly man) asked me at a reception “So, do you have any kids?” I said ‘no, we had our cat & dogs tho, they were our precious fur babies’. He then immediately asked again “No kids at all?” I said “no”…then he asked yet AGAIN! I said ‘no’ again, while he looked at me with a quizzical expression. He was fishing for a more detailed explanation! I should have said “Oh, wait, now I remember, I do have 2 kids, I completely forgot!” LOL
        But on a serious note, what if someone’s baby, young child or teenager, died from an illness, or accident… my conclusion is some people have no clue or common sense or compassion on how that would have been a very sad, heavy memory of a deep personal situation at a cocktail party of all places!
        The most popular question I’ve had from the rest of other nosy people, was about my personal finances! I still shake my head how anyone can ask an acquaintance such a nervy question. I believe it’s part of why I became more of an introvert and more reluctant to attend social receptions where talking is required! Instead, dancing to live bands is pure happiness for me! The energy in the whole room has Good Vibes! No stress, smiling people and healthy exercise!
        HUGS to you! Renee


  3. Dawn Marie says:

    Hello, Nadine Marie.

    Thank you so much for having this blog. I don’t comment often, but I do read it when I can. I always come away with so much for the better. Sharing your journey has helped me to become more aware and present on my own journey.

    I too am an HSP and empath. For most of my life, up until this past year, and after my mom died at the beginning of this year, I hadn’t realized I was not living my own life. In fact, I hadn’t realized I “made up” a life to live to be safe, etc. in this world. I too found ways to numb myself, including have lots of aquaintences, over-studying, trying to attain super-perfection, playing (unintentionally) the “good girl” role and more. I had no idea one could numb themselves in those ways too.

    Along with your blog, I have been grately helped by Andrea Mathews podcast, “Authentic Living”. I cannot remember if I mentioned that to you before in an older comment. LOL, the mind is going.

    As well, I recently had an amazing in-depth astrological reading which very clearly revealed my heightened sensitivity, etc. I couldn’t believe it. It was amazing to see so much richness in my birth chart. I no longer feel any guilt about being highly sensitive, empathic, etc. I’m just starting to find out about myself. It’s been very many years to come to this point. As you so well know, it’s not a straight-foward path, but, heck, I’m finally on my own path. Feels AMAZING.

    Thank you for being you, your authentic self and sharing it all here. You are a blessing!

    Much love and light always,
    Dawn Marie

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Dawn Marie!
      Thank YOU for your lovely visits!💖 Oh, I can so relate with visiting a site and reading regularly but not commenting as often. Am that way with other sites.
      I’m so grateful that my sharing has helped you with your journey!🙏 It’s so humbling and uplifting to hear that, thank you!🙏😇 Such comments fuel me to continue sharing. Thank you!🤗
      I can relate with your coping mechanisms. Yeah, interesting how we, ‘quiet ones’ can be so ‘creative’ in coming up with ways to survive in an otherwise ‘noisy world,’ eh? Happy & grateful this blog became an instrument in connecting us with fellow HSP’s, eh?
      Yeah, I think you have mentioned about “Authentic Living” as it sounds familiar. Haven’t had the chance to check I, though. Maybe it’s a reminder for me to do so.
      Oh, guilt can make us feel so imprisoned, whew! That’s a tough one. Good for you, Dawn Marie that you’re finally on your own path. Kudos to you! 👍Well done!!!👏👏👏
      Thank you, too for being a blessing to me and this site & to others coming your way!🙏
      Big Hug 🤗, Much L❤ve to you, too Dawn Marie, & Infinite & Magical Blessings!!!💜😇💖😍 Om Shanti. Namaste.🙏🙏🙏


🌛🙏💖🌟🌞Would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and wisdom!!!🌞🌟💞🙏🌜

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