The Highly Sensitive. Handling Criticisms. Right Speech.

I don’t like being told what to do.

I’m not very good at handling criticisms. They easily bother me.

I’m not able to easily let hurtful comments slide off my back — like it’s nothing.

I take to heart whatever is being said about me. I digest it. Process it. Think deeply about it.

When I realize that there’s no validity to the claim, only then am I able to release it. Letting it go is, in itself, a whole other process!

Such is one of the challenges of being a Highly Sensitive.

Not taking things personally is so much easier said than done for us.

To be sensitive in an insensitive world is a struggle! It’s a pain.

I was finally able to watch Elaine Aron’s documentary, “Sensitive: The Untold Story.” Thanks to Winging With Whitehawk‘s recent post. The docu was available for free streaming for 48 hours at the Gaia website. You can still view it with your Gaia membership or at the film’s site here.

Here’s the trailer:

The documentary came at the perfect time.  (Doesn’t everything?) It reminded me of my highly sensitive trait.

I was comforted and validated, for the nth time, that there isn’t anything wrong with me and my heightened sensitivity.

Fellow Sensitive Aleya’s latest post, “this blog’s about me…but aren’t i you?” also served as another timely reminder.

Aleya shared how a recent comment on one of her posts prompted her to revisit her motivations in blogging and sharing. The commenter alleged that Aleya’s “blog and whatever else gives me online attention, is feeding my ego and stimulating unnatural dopamine production.

I can very much relate to and resonate with all that Aleya shared — her feelings about the comment and her thought process that led her to re-examine why she’s blogging and sharing.

Like Aleya, and like what I wrote in my response to her post, I too, have had very few nasty comments, thankfully!

I know that disrespectful comments are a reflection of the commenter more than the one being criticized. Yet critical comments dampen my spirits — still — immediately and deeply! In typical Highly Sensitive fashion.

Who is fearful? Who is courageous?

Recently, someone left a comment on one of my posts saying that I “live in so much fear and dramatize things very much.

Ouch!

Oh, you cannot imagine how that felt like a dagger that pierced my chest and slowly being pulled out! Seriously.

I so wanted to lash back at him and ask, “Well, who do you think between the two of us might be so full of fear? Me, who is baring her heart and soul on my site, for all the world to see, risking being criticized, misunderstood, judged, and dishonored? Or you who hide behind anonymity? Who is fearful? Who is courageous, eh?

Was I triggered? Oh yeah. I don’t deny that.

Triggered or not, though, moments and comments like this sadden me, making me wish that people can be more respectful and compassionate towards others — especially those who are going through a challenge.

It’s bad enough that the person is dealing with chaos. To be made to feel wrong and inadequate for being in such turmoil is heartless and cruel!

He went on criticizing spiritual people in general, saying “these spiritual people should stop all the babbling about nothing and get on with living their lives. A lot of them seem like the spiritually insane….not the in touch like they claim.”

At that point, I knew it wasn’t worth engaging. No point adding fuel to their fire.

Rather than externalize right away what was going on internally — and regretting it — I spent some time sitting with the “discomfort of my initial emotional reaction.”

The thought of just deleting the comment crossed my mind. After much processing and self-introspection — as a Sensitive is wont to do — and after holding my tongue, I replied with,

“What you shared is your opinion, observation, perception, and interpretation. I can only respect that. We all are, after all, entitled to one. To each his own.

If what you find here doesn’t appeal to you or you don’t resonate with it, you are more than welcome to visit and engage elsewhere. There are countless other sites in cyberspace where I’m sure you can be more turned on, tuned in, and more aligned with their content and site terms and conditions. May you be led to them!”

Practice what you preach.

I can probably cut some slack those who are not committed to their growth and aren’t self-aware.

What is much harder for me to let slide off my back is when it is the so-called ‘spiritual people’ who express their opinions in a most condescending, preachy tone! Argh!!!

I admit that there are times that I find myself judging them.

How can they claim to be so ‘spiritual’ but not show respect and compassion? Where’s the kindness when another is going through a difficulty? Where’s the celebration of another’s success?

What I find interesting is these folks can be so bold in telling others what they intuit are the lessons and gifts behind other people’s struggles but are quite stingy in sharing on their sites about their personal journeys, pains, and challenges.

That’s their choice, of course, which I can only respect.

But because they are so ‘generous’ with their wisdom yet not with sharing their personal experiences and real identity, I often wonder how much of what they preach do they follow and embody.

Walk the talk. Live by example. Be the example. Be the change you wish to see. Give advice and suggestions only when asked.

It is so tempting for me to tell them all that — and to tell them off. So tempting to just say, “Go away!

The Power of Words

Writing is therapeutic. Even when it is for one’s eyes only, it can be cathartic.

But when we share our writing with others, healing takes a deeper level.

Then when another resonates with what we share, an even much more profound healing takes place.

Often, all it takes is to know we’re not alone in our struggle and the pain dissipates. At times, hearing “I hear you…” “I feel you…” “I’m so sorry for what you’re going through…” is enough.

Such is the power of words.

(At times, a ‘like’ suffices. I like — pun intended — and so appreciate Aleya’s truthfulness when she wrote, “I like ‘likes.’” #Metoo Who doesn’t?)

When expressed with the intention of honoring the other, words can be a most potent soothing balm for a weary soul.

Otherwise, highly sensitive or not,

 

When I encounter ‘attacking energies,’ it may hurt me and take a while to process and before I release them. I want to make sure that I arrive at the space of Gratefulness for them for being my teachers, for giving me the opportunities to strengthen my self-confidence and self-trust and master the skill of self-assertion and boundary-setting.

These episodes find me taking a step back, getting clarity, and asking myself,

Why do I blog and share? What do I get out of it? Why don’t I just get out of it?

Over the years, time and again, I would share on this site how my blogging experience is such a transformative journey for me.

It is most healing! It keeps me in good company as I go through my transitions. It keeps me going as I navigate through the uncertainties.

And despite the occasional hurtful comments, blogging and sharing give me fulfillment and joy. And that is what matters.

Freedom of Speech. Right Speech

Freedom of speech, especially in social networking sites, has been gravely and widely abused and misused.

Be it online or in the ‘real’ world, may we balance this freedom with the practice of ‘Right Speech’ of the Noble Eightfold Path of Buddhism.

I’d replace “Wait for the right time,” with “Wait for the right time when invited or asked.” Image Source: http://postsfromthepath.com/

🕉 🙏🕉 🙏🕉

Copyright © 2011-2018 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

Advertisements

About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Brightest & Magical Blessings!!! Om Shanti. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
This entry was posted in Films & Video, Healing, Inspiration, journey, Spirituality and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The Highly Sensitive. Handling Criticisms. Right Speech.

  1. Cat says:

    This is very awesome an an important reminder to me. I want to watch that documentary too. I have totally cut back on Facebook and one of the reasons is comments such as you received. I feel too authentic for the place – and sensitive. I felt triggered one day by someone who commented on a famous author who had committed suicide. Her comment said pretty much that these authors and writers must be hanging out with other mentally ill people (which is totally not the case in most cases) and that “not everyone suffers”. It was a comment on something the author had said about not being able to truly know another person’s suffering. I wanted to comment back that she was making a broad assumption – and really? No one suffers? I was triggered because I suffer from depression and yet most of my friends do not suffer from depression. And I think everyone suffers in general just from life events, even if not depressed.

    However, I made progress in not saying anything at all. It was not a comment on one of my posts anyway, but I still wanted to say something back because I felt impersonally criticized by general ignorance regarding creativity and mental illness. It actually got to me for a whole day (and a half!) and then I let it just go by and it finally left me. Before, I would have rushed to defend something. I am working on not feeling like I have anything to defend anymore.

    I think your response to this person was perfect – especially being that it was your post.

    I also find that if I react to criticism, then I become highly sensitive to my own reaction – and feel almost guilty. Over time, I have learned this, which was a major reason I did not comment on that woman’s comment on Facebook. I also do not feel I can be authentic enough on Facebook and have received some new age type comments on my posts that I felt were trying to correct my thinking. I responded in hopes they could understand that I watch certain shows that make me think deeply on human nature and psychology and I am not all about only taking in “positivity” all the time like they are. I am totally over the “new age thought policing” as well, but I try to respond to that in a “right speech” kind of way too – even though the judgment of these people is so overpowering.

    Thank you for the reminder of “right speech” – because it shows a level of thoughtfulness and command of the ego, which I think HSP’s really need.

    I want to watch that documentary now. I love your blog and never blogged myself but always intended to. I might start. You are an inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That documentary must be viewed not only by HSPs but by non-HSPs as well for them to have a better appreciation and understanding of our tribe.

      I can understand why you’ve cut back on Facebook, Cat. I’m on Facebook but not active. In fact, I only created my personal account to create the page for this blog site. It’s a page that I use only to share my posts and other articles from other sites that I find interesting and useful. I don’t even engage that much. In fact, I have been on the fence about my presence there.

      That comment is heartless, Cat! Sheesh!! But that is the culture on that site, pretty much. As I said, the abuse and misuse of our freedom of speech are prevalent there. Respecting boundaries is non-existent with the majority. Not all, but the majority. That’s why I’ve stayed away. Not only that, I don’t resonate with the narcissism and the pretense with the posts and conversations of the majority of the folks there. Simply put, it’s just not for me.

      I can understand, Cat and can very much relate to that impulse to want to say something back and put that person in their place. I’m also still mastering the skill of self-assertion and boundary setting. When is it wise to say something, and when is it wiser to simply walk away? Pretty much the process I went through with this commenter as I shared on this post. The distress you experienced with the comment stayed with you for one and a half day only? I’d be ‘tortured’ for days!!! 😀 😀 😀 But like you, I’m getting better at it, too!

      Thank you for affirming the appropriateness of my response, Cat. Validations are much-needed gems for HSPs since we have been made to feel ‘wrong’ for our trait for such a long time. Thank you, Cat! 🙏💖

      I’ve had my fair share also of new age folks advocating feigned positivity not only on Facebook but even here on WordPress. Again, it’s easy and understandable to get triggered and be pulled into that energy dynamics. But it sure isn’t a wise use of our energies. I know, easier said than done. Discernment is key, but it sure ain’t easy! 😉

      Can you imagine how ‘boring’ Facebook and other social networking sites would be if everyone practiced ‘Right Speech?’ We would be in an entirely different reality/dimension/planet when that happens! A different human species altogether!! 😀

      Thank you for your kind words about my blog. It warms my ❤ each time I hear that someone is inspired to start their blog after coming across mine. Wow! If you only know how much that means to me! I so appreciate that, Cat, and receiving those kinds of comments are what fuel and inspire me to continue sharing and not be discouraged by any detractor. 🌞🌟💞🙏

      Thank you for your lovely visit and sharing your experiences and blessing this site with your beautiful energy!🌛🙏💖🌟🌞Much L💖ve, Big Hug, & the Most Magical & Brightest Blessings, to you, Cat!!!🌞🌟💞🙏🌜

      Like

  2. alohaleya says:

    Thank you for writing this post, Nadine. You inspire me to keep sharing…feeling the vulnerability and doing it, knowing that I’m not alone. It is courageous to share. For a long time I didn’t see myself as courageous, but I now understand that it takes a lot for sensitives – for anyone really! – to put themselves (ourselves) out there. Blogging for me/us is about compassion and connection, and I’m grateful that you are here, speaking your truth. ❤ Namaste, Aleya

    Liked by 2 people

    • As you may very well know, Aleya, the pioneering work of Elaine Aron has been a huge help in increasing awareness and correcting misperceptions about our hightened sensitivity trait. I liken this to the misguided views on homosexuality which, to this day, continues to invite debates and judgments.

      I don’t know if it will ever happen in this lifetime that homosexuality and heightened sensitivity — might as well include gender inequality, racism, and discrimination — will no longer cause any raised eyebrows and become non-issues. It is essential that we stick together with fellow Sensitives and have one another’s backs. We must continue expressing ourselves and speaking our truths. We must continue showing and expressing our support to our tribe members. We mustn’t allow others’ attempts to dim our lights and shut us out to triumph. Ironically, while the Internet has made it so much more convenient for the ‘ignorants’ and ‘uncompassionates’ to shame and project to ‘deviants’ like us, it is how Elaine’s work is finding its way, albeit slowly, to mass consciousness. It is also the Internet that’s making HSP-related resources accessible and allowing us to get connected with our tribe — me with you!. 💖🌞

      Once more, I so appreciate all that you’ve said, Aleya. 🙏💖🌞 Kudos really to those of us who take the courage to put ourselves out there — as you said, Sensitive or not. Our guts are commendable! I’m likewise grateful for the Compassion and Connection. Let’s continue sharing and speaking our Truth and inspiring one another to keep on sharing our vulnerabilities. There is so much pretense out there. The world can only benefit from more authenticity, and I sure would like to be one of those contributing to that. You, too, for sure!!! 🌞🌟💞🙏🌜

      Big L ❤ ve, Big Hug, Bountiful Blessings!!! 🌛🙏💖🌟🌞 Om Shanti. Namaste. 🙏🕉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Being My Brother’s Caretaker. Lessons Learned. Wisdom Gained. | Aligning With Truth

🌛🙏💖🌟🌞Would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and wisdom!!!🌞🌟💞🙏🌜

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s