Being The Bigger Person — Despite The Condescending Comment

Handling criticisms isn’t one of my fortes. I’m far from being skillful and masterful in dealing with belittlements. I get easily affected. Hurt. Angry.

Just as what happened a few months ago when someone commented in a post which I wrote back in 2013. Oh, I so did not appreciate the condescending tone of this reader’s comment. Argh! 😠

It didn’t take long for me to experience a painful tightness in my throat. My body was tensing. Pulse speeding. Head pounding. 😡😈

I had already forgotten what I wrote in that post. Naturally, I reread it. My post talked about a ‘mistake’ which I committed and the realizations and insights I had gained from it.

I read this reader’s comment again. And I was like, “?!?!?! Wait a minute. What the f… ?!?!? Did you actually read my post or did you just want to show off?!?!” 😬

The reader had the audacity to say that she was disappointed with what I did. And I so wanted to respond with, “Well, who the effing cares that you are disappointed?!?!?!” 😬

There was no compassion. No appreciation. No respect. Nada. I felt so dishonored. 😢

It was all about her knowledge and expertise. And I just happen to be conveniently at the receiving end of her superiority.

The comment was brief. But I felt the sting.

Oh, yeah. I sure was triggered. The wounded aspect of me (wounded ego/inner child/lower/limited/personality self) so wanted to lash back at her.

Thankfully, I didn’t.

I may have been quickly taken out of my center, but I regrouped myself. It took me some days to compose and publish my response to the comment.

Yup…. D a y s.

I did as best I could to be respectful — even if I felt so disrespected, shamed, and belittled.

Here, for the most part, was my response:

“I felt really guilty and truly sorry for what happened — that I was an accomplice…That I let it happen and didn’t do what I could to stop it.

Thankfully, I have since forgiven myself for not having known better. And after much self-introspection, inquiry, and research, I arrived at the realization which echoes pretty much what you shared — particularly about renewing one’s self. {Oh, I so wanted to say, ‘Tell me something I don’t know or haven’t shared here…’ 😉} And I had shared them in the posts following this one with the links/pingbacks at the bottom of this post. {Oh, it was so tempting to say instead, ‘Did you really thoroughly read my post? I find it hard to believe how you could have possibly overlooked the links which I had included and clearly indicated. And if you had some ounce of respect and are more mindful, you could/should have clicked on those links first before commenting the way you did.’}

I may not have been as skilled as you are — and am not that experienced, still, no pretense there…..This unfortunate episode, though, taught me and humbled me so much. I’ve become more informed of [the incident’s] metaphysical meaning and spiritual messages — all of which, as I wrote here, I had already shared in the posts following this one. {Again, I wanted to ask, ‘Did you really read my post?’} I have since used this incident and all that I’ve learned from and through it to educate others who, like me, at one point, also didn’t know any better. And I’m so grateful, so, so grateful for the blessings, the realizations that have come out of this!

And thanks for your comment — I was reminded to focus on being ever-grateful for what I have been gifted by this incident as well as all of my other unpleasant and disappointing experiences. I was reminded to be thankful for how much I have grown from them. To focus on the gifts, on the good that has come out of the misadventures — as I sure have quite an extensive collection of them! — rather than dwell on the could have been’s or should have’s. To be compassionate towards myself instead of constantly berating myself for whatever mistakes I committed or sulking for all the mishaps.” {I was indirectly telling her, ‘You know, just like what you’re doing to me now, berating me with your comment…’ 😲}

For several days after I published my response, I waited for her reply. Yup. I waited for days. That’s how invested I was in this. That’s how affected I was.

Until….

STOP.

Stop, Nadine. Stop investing any more of your energies. Stop giving your power away to this individual. Whether or not she gets to read your response, how she takes it, whatever her response will be…None of that matters. It shouldn’t. You’ve done what was needed, Nadine. You’ve put her in her place and asserted yourself. You’ve spoken your truth. And that is what matters. That is all that matters. That is what this is about. 😚💖

Until I forgot about this comment altogether.

Then, I was brought back to it yesterday when I received a notification that she ‘liked’ my comment. A ‘like.’ No other response.

I rarely get condescending or disrespectful comments, thankfully.

But this just reminded me that they’re there.

Not only in blogosphere. Everywhere.

Those who don’t know how to honor, love, and respect others and celebrate others’ success are everywhere.

And that’s because they don’t know how to honor, love, and respect themselves and don’t know how to celebrate their success. (Maybe they don’t even know how and when to recognize one.)

And they are my teachers. My blessings in disguise. 🎁

These individuals and their lack of respect, consideration, mindfulness, and compassion are opportunities for me to assert myself and enforce boundaries. To speak up when they’ve crossed the line. (Boundary setting and self-assertion are life-long lessons which I have written about extensively on this site.)

And they’re gifting me with the chance to be the bigger person. They’re honing my skill of keeping centered in spite of the daggers being hurled at me. To strengthen my confidence. Belief in myself. Self-trust.

Them being my teachers does not make their inappropriate behaviors more allowable. Of course not.

But when I keep my connection to Source, I’m able to shift my perspective. I move out of Victim Consciousness. I see the Bigger Picture and find the Higher Purpose.

And I’m able to remain ever grateful.

Being the bigger person — in any situation or interaction — may not always be easy.

But it is a choice — the choice — that we must make.

It is one way to prevent the proliferation of and ever-pervasive ‘hate’ in our world today.

Being the bigger person is, in fact, the only way.

🕉 🙏🕉 🙏🕉

Copyright © 2011-2017 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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2 Responses to Being The Bigger Person — Despite The Condescending Comment

  1. Do you know I find this post really helpful and inspiring . I am so easily affected by what others do or say and you are so right to see the bigger picture and be the bigger person. I must practice this skill!

    Liked by 1 person

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