Ending A Relationship When The Parties Are At Different Emotional Stages

After my friend and I had met up a couple of months ago in the hope — my hope — that we would shed light on our conflict last year, I wasn’t fully confident that I was making the right decision of ending our friendship.

Guilt was overcoming me. It still is, admittedly — albeit, just a slight tinge, with such guilt stemming not from me per se, but from external sources and outside influences. No blame game there. I’m mindful that I’m acknowledging the guilt that’s there, but I’m clear, thankfully, that I’m not succumbing to it and the energy of fear.

The Facebook post from Jeff Brown was written a day after my friend and I met. I was contemplating on whether or not ending our friendship is the next most rightful step for me to do. I had seen so clearly the disparity and the gap in our emotional development and ascension stages. But as I wrote in earlier posts starting here, I had to make such a tough call — even if she was the only close friend I had. I had to overcome my fear of being alone.

Is It Worth It?

Jeff’s post refers to relationships of a romantic in nature. Nevertheless, his words struck a chord. They are just as applicable to non-romantic relationships — and particularly to my dilemma.

My friendship with this woman has gotten to the point — most especially after that pivotal conversation in April — where I was asking myself if it would still serve me well to continue with the friendship knowing she will be a few/many steps behind. She is committed to the advancement of her soul evolution and maturity; I don’t doubt that. I know she is progressing and will continue to mature and evolve.

But as Jeff pointed out, is it worth the wait? Is it worth my time waiting for when she’d catch up, knowing it is highly likely that I will regress — just so she and I can be more in harmony? By the time my friend does catch up, I would have progressed farther along as well. Now, assuming she would have accelerated her growth, who knows who she or I will become then? Who knows if she and I will be compatible or more aligned? Who knows what direction we would have chosen?

Continuing a friendship — or any relationship for that matter — cannot be hinged on the relationship’s or the other party’s potential.  Choosing to stay, choosing to be with someone must be based on what they, what both parties are able, willing and capable to offer at the present moment. Other than that, we are setting ourselves up and the relationship for failure. We are subjecting ourselves to unnecessary hurts, pain, and disappointments.

We must love ourselves enough to spare ourselves from such possibilities — which aren’t inconceivable. When we can already see the signs, we must muster the strength and courage to walk away.

The Warning From My Inner Voice

When my friend and I first met just a few years ago, I already felt a resistance. There was already an inner voice that was warning me of what was to happen. I had already a felt sense that there was going to be an imbalance in the exchange of our energies.

She needed and was in search of a ‘teacher.’ A mentor. Someone to guide her and point her to the ‘right’ direction.

I, on the other hand, was almost at the tail end of the rescuing phase of my journey. The temptation to ‘be of help,’ the temptation for me to feel fulfilled by ‘helping out’ was so strong. Too strong to resist.

Initially, I was able to resist it.

I already felt how much it would turn out to be me doing the giving and her, the taking — as is how the disempowering energy dynamics always turns out between a ‘rescuer’ and ‘victim.’

I avoided her. I went back and forth with whether or not I was to engage with her and deepen the connection. She was, after all, into self-development, spirituality, consciousness, et al. So, why not, eh? And she was the only one  — conveniently — residing close to my geographical midst.

I ‘confessed’ to her my concerns. My rescuing tendency. My fear of falling into that trap. I even disclosed to her that it was why I had avoided her and her efforts of reaching out.

I spoke my truth. I spoke with all sincerity, truthfulness, and authenticity. Something my friend so admired.

Such truthfulness, by her admission, was something she was encountering for the first time. Something she hadn’t experienced with her set of closest friends. Something for which she was most grateful. Something she wanted to experience with her friends and other relationships and which she had introduced to them in the hope that it would make her other friendships more authentic and anchored in Truth.

It was a seed that I planted. In hindsight, should I have left it at that? Perhaps. (Lessons learned and insights gained are always in retrospect, eh? 😉 ) Planting the seed was perhaps all I should and could have done. It was enough of a gift for me to have left behind. It was more than enough.

But I succumbed to the lure of ‘giving, sharing, and gifting more.’ My self-worth issues were lurking its head once more!

The Temptation To ‘Be Of Help’

After that pivotal conversation two months ago, the temptation was there again. The temptation to ‘be of help.’ To assist. To guide. To lead. To teach. To mentor her. And not just on how to properly apologize.

If I were to give in to the temptation to ‘help,’ it would mean mentoring her in general. Like her therapist and counselor.

If I were to continue the friendship, it would become a mentor-mentee relationship — more so than it had already been — an energy dynamic that was not appealing to me. Not anymore.  Not after having hung my rescuer hat. I certainly have no intention or desire to reprise such a role.

Thankfully, not only was I seeing it so much clearer now.

I’m much stronger and wiser now to be content with allowing such temptations to pass me by. I’m aligning with the Divine Flow and my Divine Self that I’m now only watching and observing such energies play out. Energies that do not serve me well. Energies of the Old that I have now, thankfully, outgrown! 🙂

Immediately after our conversation, admittedly, I was still having some doubts about my decision to end the friendship. After all, it wasn’t a simple decision to make.

But I felt the truth in my gut. I knew at some level that it was a most honoring choice for me.

And Jeff’s post, thankfully, was what I needed to read to cement my decision.

This time, there’s no second guessing. No going back and forth. No turning back.

And I wasn’t walking out from my friend or the accompanying disempowering energies. I was just walking away — while dusting off and releasing any residuals of the guilt and the doubt — and doing so with much Gratitude and Appreciation. Gratitude and Appreciation for the opportunity to be able to love myself enough to walk away.

And to love my friend enough to walk away from her to allow her to grow — without me and without the need for me or anyone to rescue her.

⭐ ❤ 😀 ❤ ⭐

Copyright © 2011-2017 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

About Nadine Marie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Brightest & Magical Blessings!!! Om Shanti. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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3 Responses to Ending A Relationship When The Parties Are At Different Emotional Stages

  1. candidkay says:

    Interesting thoughts here. I seem to equate emotional maturity with stability–not that states don’t change but an overall steadiness of temperament. I do believe many people are meant to come and go in our lives–with lessons for both parties. But it’s not easy, is it? Wishing you peace in the process.


    • Thank you so much for your kind and compassionate words, Kristine! I so appreciate them! 🙂 ❤ They’re much needed and quite validating.

      Indeed, every encounter, every interaction is a growth and self-mastery opportunity. And yes, not easy, eh?! Still mastering non-attachment as I’m finding peace in the process. 🙂

      Much L ❤ ve to you, Kristine, & the Brightest of Blessings!!! ⭐ ❤ 😀 Namaste. Om Shanti. 🕉 🙏


  2. Pingback: An Open Letter To An Ex-Friend | Aligning With Truth

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