Of Friendships And Betrayal

I went back and forth with what and how much I was going to share about how I felt betrayed by a close friend last year. The only friend I had for that matter.

I went through several drafts. Each one left me feeling dissatisfied. Not quite right. Not quite complete. (It is also why I haven’t posted in a while.)

This morning, I was led to re-read Maria Chamber’s post (Soulsoothingsound’s Blog For those awakening divine humans), “Is It Time to Express? Is It Time To Share?” And I’m so grateful for the nudge!

I realized how much I was gagging myself. I wasn’t aligning my energies with the Flow. I wasn’t going with the Flow.

I was concerned about others more than myself.

I was concerned about her. How will she feel if she reads my post/s?

I was concerned about you, the readers. Will you feel bored or burdened by the details? How much of those details are essential?

Must I talk about them here on this site or must I just write her a letter instead? Or must I feel content with keeping my thoughts and feelings in my journal?

Underneath this uncertainty is evidently my deep and unmet childhood need for approval.

Sharing the Gifts. Sharing my Light.

I’ve had internal shifts. Huge shifts. I’ve gained many insights. Realizations. Deep meanings were revealed. I’m breaking patterns as a result of the incident. Deep layers of healing have been taking place. Even as I’m writing this post, I’m gaining even more clarity. The Universe continues to download messages.

Little did I know when the incident happened last year how profound and expansive will the healing be that would take place. How it would result in a much more expanded perception and increased awareness.

All those are too significant to be kept private. They certainly merit a larger audience.

And that was one of my many realizations.

Keeping to myself all the clarity that I gained and the healing that has taken place was limiting the expression of my Light.

How could I, why must I limit it when there are others who would and could benefit? Many others who are willing, ready, and open to receive my Light — with much gratitude and appreciation. Many others other than her.

Keeping all my aha moments to myself or sharing them only with her — if I were to simply write her a letter instead of blogging — will deny other more willing and more receptive, perhaps even more deserving souls of the gift. The ones who truly and deeply value me, my Light — you, the readers and followers.

Why bother expressing my thoughts, feelings, and sentiments to her and only her — and expend any more energy than I already have and any more energy than necessary — when she has clearly shown how little value she has given to me? I will only be perpetuating the pattern of me being the giver and the other, she, the taker. It is an energy dynamics that has played out in most, if not all of my relationships and interactions. (Yup. Rescuing tendency….) That, among others, was brought to the surface as I reflected on our falling out.

Plus, I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t just venting and spewing out my hurts and pain unnecessarily on this site — without diligence and without due respect to the readers.

Betrayal….What Does It Really Mean?

The site https://www.vocabulary.com explains that “the root of the word betrayal is betray, which comes from the Middle English word bitrayen — meaning ‘mislead, deceive.'”

I don’t know about you, but up until I looked up the definition of betrayal in line with writing this post, I had always equated betrayal with cheating, lying, backstabbing, talking behind another’s back, being disloyal. That was my limited view of betrayal.

But betrayal also means “to prove false, to fail or desert especially in time of need.” This, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

And in whatever form betrayal takes, it is about destroying and losing someone’s trust.

Ahhhh….Trust. My major lifelong lesson. Manipulation. Deception. A recurring theme in my life.

Between friends, there is an underlying understanding that they will be there for each other. That understanding need not be articulated. It’s a given. It comes with the territory of friendship. You trust that your friend has your back. You trust that your friend will be there in good times and in bad.

It is so easy and effortless to be loving and kind when things are going well in our lives. It is so easy to be a friend when things are running smoothly in our friendship. It’s easy to be happy for our friend when their life is on a smooth sail. It’s easy to be there for them when things are flowing in their lives.

But challenges are inevitable. In life. In friendships. In any and all relationships.

I’ve long believed that one’s true character is revealed when money is involved; likewise, we discover who our real friends are when we are at the lowest points in our lives.

Our kindness and capacity to love and to be loving are put to the test when our friend’s life becomes chaotic. Are we as supportive and as available as when their lives are in disarray?

The betrayal that I experienced from my friend didn’t involve any form of cheating or lying, etc. I didn’t realize until now that I was, in truth, betrayed when she failed to be there when I needed her the most. I was betrayed when she wasn’t there during a most challenging phase that I was going through a year ago. I really thought I could count on her in times of need. (Isn’t that what being a ‘friend’ means?)

But I proved myself wrong. She proved me wrong. She proved to me how untrue of a friend she was.

Our falling out happened at just about this same time a year ago.

But I’m only now beginning the process of grieving as it wasn’t until last month when completion started to take place when she and I met and talked about the incident. It was only then that I became much clearer about her, about our friendship.

And that conversation last month paved the way for more layers to be peeled.

I spent the past several weeks taking a step back, reflecting and journaling about this episode. It’s only now that it’s dawning on me how big of a loss this has been for me. That I mustn’t disregard it or treat it lightly. That I must mourn the loss — this and all the other losses, significant losses that I experienced over the past eighteen months. That I hadn’t given myself the opportunity to properly grieve over them.

And this post — and others that are sure to come after this — is one way of giving myself permission to do just that — to have the space to properly grieve.

⭐ ❤ 😀 ❤ ⭐

Copyright © 2011-2017 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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9 Responses to Of Friendships And Betrayal

  1. Leslie says:

    Nadine Marie,
    My thoughts have been written by you.
    My feelings are a physical wash of warm salt water
    I wish I could give you a hug. Joy and grattitude

    Namasteʻ
    Leslie

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Nadine Marie…thanks for sharing this. It is all VERY familiar having fallen out permanently with someone I thought would be a friend forever. It has been so hard to get over. Here is a piece I wrote on that which may be helpful in some way. https://servingothersblog.com/2016/05/06/a-reason-a-season-a-lifetime/

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re most welcome, Jonathan! 🙂 It is comforting to know that you had a similar experience and can relate to the depth of the pain and difficulty in getting over the loss.

      Thank you for sharing the link to your post. That was quite helpful, thank you! ❤ It’s interesting that when you wrote that post last year, it was around that time that I had the falling out with this person. It was two weeks after you published the post, to be exact. (I distinctly remember when that fateful conversation which led to the break-up happened.) I had read and ‘liked’ your post back then, but didn’t realize that the Universe was sending it to me as a forewarning. I so appreciate that you sent me the link. Much-needed words of comfort and reassurance. Thank you, Jonathan!!! ❤ 🙂

      Much Love to you, & the Brightest of Blessings!!! Namaste. ❤ 😀 ⭐

      PS. How are you now with your recovery and grieving process? Much better, I hope…..

      Like

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  5. Soumya says:

    this was so beautiful….i just wrote something similar…if not as beautiful as this..😶
    if u wanna chk out
    https://thousandlettersblog.wordpress.com/2017/07/20/dear-not-any-more-best-friend/

    and thank you so much for this post!

    Like

  6. beetrootsoup says:

    Hello Nadine, in 2010, which I have referred to as my ‘annus horribilis’ I experienced a concurrent betrayal by both my closest friend and my partner at the time. It almost seems to me all these years on that a betrayal is almost like a rite of passage…it’s something we HAVE to go through! And the healing you speak of, the insights, the growth – yes, the intense pain I went through that year was certainly a crucible for those things.

    It seemed like my two closest people, one male, one female, had turned their backs on me. The unfortunate reality is that I had simply invested too much in both of them. It was a real eye-opener!

    Researching ‘betrayal by a friend’ on the internet revealed how widespread this kind of experience is and the profound effect it can have. I actually suffered MORE over the loss of my female friend than my male partner – who had always been somewhat distant and emotionally unavailable.

    It was a ‘never the same again’ experience, a highly significant one, I would never again give my trust so easily yet I have continued to grow and thrive and recovered from the trauma completely. I felt aided and guided by my higher nature throughout that dark time. I am in contact with neither of them now and oddly? Had no problem forgiving them while they both seemed to want to cling to a grudge against me. I feel that the experience made them confront their own shadow which they weren’t ready to do. It’s all good!

    Anyway, thank you for your blog Nadine. I look forward to reading more of it.

    Like

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