I continue to be amazed by how we are all so interconnected and how this manifests through something as seemingly simple and mundane as writing and commenting.
Through a series of posts, I detailed out what I was realizing were the factors and reasons that led to the blockages in my throat chakra. And thanks to this reader, her comment made me read those posts again.
Aligning With Truth was only a year old when I published that post. I was still feeling my way into the blogging world. Tiptoeing is more like it.
I was experiencing writing blocks because I was so afraid of how the individuals involved in my stories and experiences would receive my writing. I was afraid I might offend them.
I didn’t want to hurt their feelings or earn their ire. It was the farthest from my intention or desire.
But I was afraid how it would make them feel if and when that happens. Equally so, how would that make me feel?
I was scared to be criticized. Fearful they’d disagree with me or even challenge me.
I was afraid…I was afraid…I was afraid…
I was so full of fear.
And underneath that fear is my deep need for approval.
Giving Myself the Stamp of Approval
When that dawned on me, I worked through the blockages in my communication pathways.
I took the risk. I faced my fears.
I gave myself permission. I gave myself the time and space.
I gave myself the stamp of approval.
And my writing has since shifted.
From being on the safer side during my first year of blogging talking about more general topics, I’ve been writing more and more about deeply personal issues and stuff — certainly not what I originally intended when I first launched this site. (I had planned on setting up my healing practice and healing center, and this site was supposed to be a marketing tool. I had since let go of such a ‘plan,’ and Aligning With Truth has since transitioned into the virtual healing center that it is now.)
And this medium of writing has been such a powerful healing tool for me. Thanks to this reader, her comment — which, synchronistically, was sent this month as this blog is celebrating its 5th anniversary — once more reminded me to continue writing and giving myself a voice. To give myself permission. The space to honor and speak my truth. To allow the Divine to speak through me and my writing.
Each time I receive comments expressing happiness and gratefulness for having been led — synchronistically most certainly — to my site because what I wrote is precisely what the reader needed to hear, it is extremely humbling and utterly inspiring! 😀 ❤ ⭐
I know that it is the Universe nudging me to continue heeding the call for self-expression through writing.
It is, after all, quite an honor to be acknowledged and appreciated for one’s creation. ⭐ ⭐
And I’m extremely mindful when I say that. I always need to remind myself that it isn’t the recognition that is my sole motivation for writing and sharing.
Countless, though, are the times when I wouldn’t publish a post or hesitate to comment. Or it would take ages for me to compose my response to comments! 😮 I’d put it off until I end up not responding or publishing anything at all! Yikes! 😮 😮 😮
My childhood wound and need for approval is so deep that it continues to manifest as a writer’s block. To this day.
I didn’t become aware of it — just how deep the wound is — and how much it has been impacting my life until I gave birth to this site. In fact, I recently blogged about it here.
Whether it is because of my perfectionism or my introversion wherein I over-process, over-think, over-analyze before I come around to writing or expressing my thoughts — if I even get to it! — it is evident that my need for approval (still!) and fear of speaking my truth (again!) is something that I’m still in the process of healing and overcoming. And it is something to which I AM deeply committed.
For someone who didn’t receive the attention, affection, approval, appreciation and affirmation that a child needs for proper emotional development, it is so tempting to utilize blogging as a way to direct the spotlight on me. To fill the void. To satisfy those unmet childhood needs.
And I certainly have done that especially during the first months or maybe even couple of years of this site.
I was so caught up with all the statistics — the number of likes, views, visits, etc. And I admit. I still have those moments — much less frequently now, though, thankfully. 🙂
I AM a work-in-progress, after all, and unlearning decades — and even lifetimes — of disempowering patterns particularly around self-worth continues to be a huge part of my inner work.
Am I blogging and sharing to receive accolades? Am I writing to express or to impress?
I need to keep asking myself these questions each time I craft a post — including this one. I always need to remind myself to come back to what my truest and purest intentions and desires are for creating Aligning With Truth.
I need to remind myself that whether or not my writing impacts one or none, whether the impact is felt in this lifetime or the next or not at all, I mustn’t be discouraged.
I mustn’t doubt the essentiality of self-expression. Of expressing myself through writing.
And more importantly, writing to express and not to impress.
After all, we truly just never know how we make a difference or touch other people’s lives.
Little did I know — and it wasn’t even something that I thought of or intended — that what I was writing in 2012 would be what someone just needed to hear four years down the road!
I just must do what I can to the best of my ability. I just must do what’s inspiring me.
And I need to remove myself from the outcomes, and let the Universe take care of the rest! 😀 ❤
The Need & Desire to Engage More
Truth be told, I haven’t quite embodied this concept.
But I intend to. I want to.
I want to get to the point that I no longer equate and measure my self-worth by how large my following is or how often my posts become viral — if they even do. I intend to reach that state where I do not attach myself to any of these standards of measurements as defined by the Old World and Disempowering Society.
I’m also aware that I’ve been spending more time and energy in expressing myself and my thoughts and feelings but haven’t been commenting enough.
I wasn’t truly communicating. Wasn’t engaging in the conversation.
I may not be lacking in reading and liking, but I sure can connect more and be a bit more visible — not to be noticed or seen and wrongly fill in an inner void again, but to truly communicate and participate.
And I’m not being hard on myself when I say that. It is my truth and the reality of my blogging situation and involvement to which I would like very much to make adjustments and improvements.
Once again, thanks to this reader’s comment and other previous similar comments from you, dear readers, I was reminded that I also just never know how my comment would impact someone else’s life — if only I’m able to overcome my fear of criticism and rejection and stop seeking external validation.
And so, thanks to my blogging venture — which, often, feels more like yet another of my many adventures — my deep childhood wounds continue to be cleared and healed.
As I stand naked on this site facing and sharing my deepest fears and uncertainties, your Thoughtful Presence and Generous Support, dear readers, your Brilliant Light is shining upon layers of repressed and denied aspects of myself, paving the way for my True Essence to be revealed. ❤ ⭐ 😀
Thank you so much for blessing me and this site with your Loving Presence. Thank you for being my Compassionate Witnesses in this incredible journey. And thank you for allowing me and Aligning With Truth to be part of yours these past five years!
⭐ ❤ 😀 ❤ ⭐