I’m not a fast writer. Fast typist, yes.
Typing fast is one of my top skills. I can easily type out a full page with random thoughts. Sensible and ludicrous musings. Reflections. Insights. Queries. Internal debates. Frustrations.
But to organize them in a more ‘professional’ form and whip it up into a publish-worthy post…. Hmmm….now that is where I take a reeeeally long time. Maybe longer than the majority. Perhaps longer than necessary.
And this is one reason — not the only one, though — why I haven’t posted in two months. TWO MONTHS! 😮 That’s my longest blogging lull. 😮
But who’s setting the deadline and the limits, right? Why the pressure, if any?
But then again, I’m a recovering perfectionist. A certified one. So, why would there be any surprise with the slowly brewing tension, eh? 😉
So, what is it that I’ve been up to? What has been occupying my ever-busy mental storeroom? What have I been processing and integrating, yearning to translate to a post? What are those chapters in my life that are once again blessing me with many insights and realizations?
There’s my relocation back to my habitat, the seaside, yay! 😀
This blog site is celebrating its 5th anniversary this month, yay! 😀
The LGBT-themed Filipino TV series, Till I Met You to which I’ve been hooked. It’s a game-changer. A brave one at that particularly in a homophobic country like the Philippines, yeah! 🙂
My lifelong lesson of self-assertion and boundary-setting that recently showed up for the nth time. It is yet to be completed and concluded as I write this.
But what has stood out for me and I must say affected me the most is the one area of which I haven’t been much of a fan and particularly fond of —
More than ever, I have been glued — on a daily basis — to the political developments in the Philippines. This, ever since the now infamous President Duterte has been elected into office four months ago.
I was never a political activist. In fact, I’ve always been apolitical.
The first time that I became especially interested — almost obsessed — in the Philippine political affairs was in 2000 when the impeachment trial proceedings against President Estrada began. I became ‘involved.’ I participated and joined the rally that called for and eventually led to his resignation. I was one of the first who flocked to the assembly which became known in Philippine history as People Power Revolution 2. The first one in 1986 was what led to the overthrow of Philippine Dictator Ferdinand Marcos, Sr.
The most recent event in Philippine political history, Marcos’ burial in the country’s Libingan Ng Mga Bayani (National Shrine for Heroes) is only one of the numerous and endless chaotic episodes of the Duterte administration.
It sure brought up a lot of rage in a large sector of the Filipino people — not excluding me. Unhealed wounds. Unresolved issues.
As all these flare-ups were going on, the tension was equally building up on the other side of the globe with the US Elections. Yet another drama that has been unfolding. One that’s not only being witnessed by but impacting the rest of the world — knowingly or not. And yes, more rage is being unearthed! 😮
Interestingly, the decision from the Philippine Supreme Court to allow the burial of Marcos at the Libingan Ng Mga Bayani and Donald Trump winning the US Presidential election took place on the same day — November 8! What a day that was, eh? 😮 😮 😮 And these two heads of state have uncannily so much in common!
Needless to say, these two major political scenarios are orchestrating and paving the way for the clearing and healing of the fragmented aspects of the psyche — individual and collective, Filipino and global.
The Need To Express & Be Heard
There’s so much that I’ve wanted to blog about. Like the millions who are frustrated, shocked, and enraged by these political events, there’s so much that’s been aching to be expressed. There’s so much that wants to be given a voice. To be heard.
But I didn’t and don’t want just to spew out my frustrations and confusion. There is, after all, already so much toxicity circulating and re-circulating in cyberspace and the ethers. I certainly do not wish to be a contributor to that.
I’m doing as best I can to practice Mindfulness. Responsibility. Maturity.
I’m discerning what is for public consumption and what’s for my eyes and ears only.
After all, whichever way I go, whoever ends up as my listener and audience, I still would have been heard. I still would have given myself a voice.
So, aside from my being a recovering perfectionist as one reason that it takes quite a while for my thoughts to get translated onto the screen and cyberspace, it is also because I’m honing my skill of speaking my truth as I exercise my freedom of expression.
Truth be told, I’ve had moments — and there have been many of them — when I’d get jealous and wish I were as spontaneous as other individuals.
At the same time, I’m also mindful that I don’t fall at the other end of the spectrum — in the company of those who often end up retracting and deleting their posts and comments. If only because such were expressed carelessly. Written without much thought and shared by those who, in the heat of the moment, don’t know any better than to react and attack.
React then retract seems to be a fast growing and sadly, seemingly acceptable norm nowadays, eh? 😦
So, as with anything and everything in Life, I’m learning how to strike a Balance.
How do we embody the art and demonstrate the skill of mindfully speaking our truth instead of just carelessly speaking our minds? How do we exercise our right to freedom of expression and still be responsible and considerate of others and the consequences of such expressions?
A couple of days ago — synchronistically — I came across the article, Speak Your Truth Not Your Mind by Cristen Rodgers. It has the most apt message for me. One that reiterated and validated what I’d like to master and what I hope is also everyone else’s aspiration.
“Finding our voice doesn’t mean that we must express everything that we think or respond to everything that happens or is said. Finding our voice means that we have opened ourselves up inside so that when the time is right, the spirit will speak through us in the distinctive methods of our unique soul – and we are able to do this in such a way as to be kind and uplifting even when the situation seems to defy it. Rather than simply responding to the world, we are using the power of our self-expression to shape the world.”
⭐ ❤ 😀 ❤ ⭐