I learned what it feels like to fully surrender when I flow with the tides.
I learned to ride the waves.
I learned when to be in the water and when to simply let her be — while I contentedly gazed at and appreciated her from a distance.
For three years, I swam almost on a daily basis — weather permitting.
It was the weather — not me — that called the shots and gave me the go signal. The stamp of approval.
I wasn’t in control. Mother Nature was.
And to not be in full control was new territory to me.
To curb even more my controlling tendency. To Surrender. To Flow with the Tides. Ride the Waves.
This pattern that I’m newly creating and numerous other growth opportunities are the gifts that I received from living at the seaside — including overcoming my fear of swimming in deep water.
Transcending My Fear
For the longest time, I had such a fear. And I mean, deeeeep fear.
I’d start to panic when my feet would no longer touch the bottom of the sea. I’m barely five feet (1.5 meters), so we’re talking super shallow waters! 😀
My deep fear of swimming in deep water wasn’t because I don’t know how to swim.
I’m no professional swimmer, but I know the basics. And my fear wasn’t being in deep water per se. I’ve had a few scuba diving adventures which I enjoyed tremendously!
I was scared to swim in deep water because I was afraid that I’d drown.
I never drowned, though. I never witnessed anyone drown either.
So, it was such a puzzle to me from where my fear of drowning originated. 😮
Uncovering What’s Behind My Fear
In 2002, through a past life regression session, I uncovered that I had a past life when I drowned and didn’t survive. Light bulb moment! ☀ I finally realized from where my fear of swimming in deep water is rooted. Bingo! ☀ ☀ ☀
I also believe that encoded in my system still is the memory of the Atlantean times. Deeply. I’m sure that each time I took a plunge, I’d be reminded of the dreadful disastrous times when I drowned and perished — along with numerous others perhaps even including you, dear reader! 😮
It was my soul remembering my drowning experiences in past lives.
But I was determined to overcome my fear.
I’d get so jealous of those who are so comfortable being in the water and enjoying themselves tremendously.
I wanted that, too. I so wanted to swim freely — and fearlessly!
I wanted to be cradled lovingly by Mother Ocean. Be one with the undines.
And My Island Hopping & Seaside Adventure Commences…
In October 2010, I began my journey of searching for my island home. Overcoming my fear of swimming in deep water, though, wasn’t my primary or sole intention.
But one issue, one question, one ‘limitation’ stood out in my mind.
How will I be able to live at the seaside — with much ease, freedom and enjoyment — if I don’t feel comfortable and safe swimming in deep water and by myself especially since I live alone? How can the seaside be where my ‘home’ would be, how can I feel that ‘I AM Home’ when I don’t feel ‘at home’ in the water???? 😮 😮 😮
And so it came to be! 😀
The water became my comfort zone — finally. My haven. My safety net. ❤ ❤ ❤
My fear dissipated. Woo-hoo! 😀
Nowadays, when I’d hear comments such as, “Oh you’re such a good swimmer!” I can only grin with much Contentment, Gratitude, and Appreciation for how far I’ve come along in my journey. How my relationship with Water evolved. And more importantly, how I evolved along the way. ❤ ⭐ ❤
What I Learned From Mother Ocean
The seaside provided me the most suitable environment in which I became even more aware of the patterns that I needed to break. The patterns that I needed to create. The skills that needed honing. Sharpening.
And boy did I realize how so much polishing some of those skills needed, whew! 🙂 Something I continue to focus on to this day.
You see, the deeper the water in which I swam, the deeper I plunged into my issues, patterns and stories.
The more comfortable I became being in deep water, the more at ease — and at peace — I became with my wounds and issues.
I learned how to be more compassionate, gentle, kind and forgiving — towards others and even more so, towards myself and more than ever. Loving myself first and foremost is now my priority! ❤
I’m also now better equipped at not only honoring but moving and seeing beyond my stories — as I re-create them and weave new ones.
These I learned as I became comfortable playing with — rather than fight and resist — the currents and the tides.
I learned to be dictated by them and not the other way around. To follow Mother Ocean’s cycles instead of mine. To wait when it’s safest and most inviting to take a plunge. 🙂
I learned to let go of my personal desire, my incessant compulsion to quench the thirst of my skin for salt water — among my many other compulsive desires — when conditions weren’t favorable. When it just wasn’t the right time.
I learned even more that there truly is a time and timing to anything and everything. A Divine and Perfect Order and Timing.
It became even more apparent that there is a legitimate, an apt and Divinely orchestrated reason and purpose why we are led to a place or situation — as well as an equally Divinely choreographed and guided reason and purpose that we are removed from them.
We may not understand or see the reason at the time of separation, but we eventually will see it down the road. We eventually will for sure! 😉
Just as I’m beginning to see much clearer now why I was removed from the seaside — my comfort zone and safety net — and brought to the city, an environment that I vehemently detest.
And I’m doing as best I can to put into practice what I learned being in the water — to flow with the tides of my living situation.
As Mother Ocean taught me, doing otherwise will only make my swim, my dance in the Sea of Life much more exhausting and less enjoyable.
And on this Mother’s Day weekend, I bow to you Mother Ocean, with so much Gratitude and Appreciation for never failing to deliver on your promise to love, honor, and support me — no matter what the conditions, be it of the weather or my state of being! 😉
❤ ⭐ 😀 ⭐ ❤