In a few days, I’ll be moving to my new home. It’s not in the seaside, though. It’s in a city. A city that has — thankfully — some laidback feeling to it, still.
There’s so much that this place is offering me. So much more than when living at the seaside. Gifts that are hard to come by, if not almost impossible, in the countryside and more remote areas in this country.
As I’ve shared on this site, over the years, and especially through my travels, I have become clearer on what my living and home essentials are.
The Most Sensible Decision
I had much preferred country living more than city dwelling. And I still do.
Living in this urban setting, though, is the most sensible choice at this point in my life — given the present circumstances in my journey and especially after my recent tragic experiences in Antique.
In May 2010, I left California after a four-year sojourn and headed back to the Philippines, my country of origin.
Two months after I arrived in Manila, I became ill. My body went haywire. My system could no longer handle the toxicity and density of the environment. It has become clear that Manila wasn’t — and isn’t — the place for me anymore.
How about my dream of a healing center and a healing practice? I had most, if not all the details figured out. I had them all planned out. How do I carry out that dream if I leave Manila?
The more pressing matter was to find a place quickly. One without the density and toxicity of Manila. I didn’t want my health and well-being — and sanity — to continue to suffer and deteriorate. After all, Manila isn’t the only place. Even if it’s the most familiar to me. Even if it’s my supposed — then — comfort zone.
I started my process of manifesting my island home and started travelling in the countryside. I explored my options.
After almost six years, some of my ‘stuff’ are still in balikbayan boxes, the Filipino term for shipment boxes. I ‘held on’ to them because I was waiting for that island that would welcome me home. Where I’d finally settle.
Antique provided that possibility.
Until all hell broke loose.
How long is ‘for now?’ I have no idea. I’m only trusting the process. My journey. Life. The Mystery.
Antique led me to take this bold step. This nudge for me to wrap up my life in Manila and whatever else is keeping me connected there, specifically my stuff. I needed the ‘push’ to start moving my stuff — bring them over to my new oasis, discard, sell, donate, et al. It’s about time. It has been, after all, almost six years.
So, I may be creating my home in an urban setting instead of along the seaside. I do know, though, that this is, right now, the most sensible step and rightful place for me. For now. (Isn’t everything ‘for now’ anyway?)
No Longer Putting Up With Less Than Loving Treatments and Energies
I can continue my island explorations from here. This time, if and when an island wouldn’t work for me, I’ll have a place to come home to. To regroup. To re-anchor.
It would take away the option — and temptation — for me to put up with unsupportive and energetically misaligned places — if only because there’s no other place for me to go next and especially because I wouldn’t want to go back to Manila.
I’ve done that in most of my travels. I put up with less than loving treatments and energies — from the people and the place itself. I persisted when I should have walked away.
Largely because I didn’t want to go back to Manila.
Thankfully, I chose differently when I was in Antique. No matter how lovely and charming the island is. No matter how close to an ideal setting the place was. No matter how magically I was led to it.
Thankfully, I’ve come to love myself enough to say no to what falls short of what I’m entitled to and what I deserve.
I walked away when I recognized the misaligned energies — much sooner than I have over the years. I didn’t ignore the signs. I didn’t turn a blind eye or a deaf ear — as I have in the past.
I walked away — even if I was clueless where I would go next. Even if I detested the thought of going back to Manila. And even if that would have been the only option available for me.
I walked away even if there were so many things that were — and still are — uncertain.
Thankfully, though, I can now be more anchored here in the city of Bacolod.
Truth be told, though — and not surprisingly — there’s a part of me that’s aching. Complaining. Protesting.
But this is still not in the seaside!!! I won’t be able to take my daily swim in the sea!!!
And making peace with that was, has been, still is the most difficult for me.
It is the main reason I have this overriding feeling of hesitation and restlessness surrounding my move. I know. It isn’t exactly the most ideal space to be in when making a move and stepping into the new.
But I’m not going to dismiss and ignore this feeling.
At the same time, I’m not allowing it to overwhelm me. Or eat me up. Or make me spiral downwards into a pool of negativity and pessimism.
After all, who knows what opportunities there are for me in Bacolod? Who knows what doors will open up for me? Who knows what the Universe has in store for me?
Who knows what is the ‘true’ reason and deeper purpose why I was led to Bacolod?
And I may not know what that purpose is. Not yet.
But I know that I will know in days, weeks, months, even years to come….
And as I shared in a previous post, I’m doing the best I can to keep afloat and keep the faith.
That’s all one can do during a most intense time of change and transition — especially one that’s unplanned and unexpected.
😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀