Same Name. Same Date — 21 Years Later. Same Energy Dynamics. Hmmm…

I wasn’t just transported back to the time when I was swindled in 2001.

I was also brought back to the year 1994. To the day when I last saw my father. That fateful evening of the 29th of December 1994 when I last saw him.

Dad was coming out of my bedroom with a hammer held in his right hand.  Every cell in his body was seething with rage that was directed — rightly or wrongly — at me.

All I could mutter to myself and all I could pray for was,

“Please, just don’t hit me.”

I wrote about that incident here.

And it is the same energy that the owner of Phaidon Beach Resort exuded. The same rage. Deep, deep wounds. Unresolved issues. Inner conflicts. A hurting little boy behind the courageous and proud persona. A false facade and a hardened heart.

He doesn’t have the tools to deal with his demons. The only way he knows how is to frighten others. That’s how he feels ‘powerful.’ When he can make others fearful. Fearful of him.

Eliciting fear from others makes him feel like a king. A king entitled to be bowed to. A king whose orders and every whim must be abided by his court — regardless how unreasonable they are.

Wait. Am I talking about my father or the resort owner?

Both.

Questions. Uncertainties. Worries. Fears.

As I shared in my earlier posts, the cottage owner didn’t fix the cabin where I was supposed to live in Pandan, Antique. Her negligence rendered the hut unlivable — and me, homeless! 😮

What am I to do now?

What about all my stuff? (And I had a lot! Dozens of boxes! After all, I wasn’t just taking a vacation. I was supposed to take up residency in this new location.)

Where do I go now? Where do I live?

What do I now do with my life?!?!

Questions. Uncertainties. Worries. Fears.

Understandable.

These questions, naturally, run through my head as I wait for — and allow — the Grander Purpose and Divine Plan — to be revealed.

These, as I feel so distraught. Sleep-deprived.

These, as I endure such miserable living conditions that the cottage owner so mercilessly put me through!

Getting My Much Deserved & Much Needed Rest & Sleep — Not

It is the Christmas holidays. Accommodations in tourist destinations in the Philippines during this time of the year are the most difficult, if not impossible to find — without prior reservations including payment.

Thankfully, there’s an available room at Phaidon Beach Resort. After ten sleepless nights, I would now be able to rest and sleep — finally! And be able to think more clearly! Woo-hoo! 😀

Ooooops….Wait a minute. Not quite. Not according to the Universe who, apparently, has something up her sleeve!

Uh-oh…. 😦

I haven’t quite recovered yet from the ordeal that the heartless cottage owner put me through….

I have yet to gain clarity on the reasons and purpose behind my disappointing and traumatizing experiences…

I have yet to arrive at some form of conclusion and completion with the owner and her inconceivable negligence and subsequent display of lack of concern towards me…

I have just started to regain my lost sleep….

I have just begun being rejuvenated by Mother Ocean as I take my morning swim…..

Before long, Life throws at me another cruelty — and incredulity — as the resort owner suddenly verbally attacks me!!!! 😮

WTF is going on? What vibes have I been sending? Why have I attracted these most horrendous situations with such heartless individuals?

Unbelievable! Unimaginable! What a most horrible challenge this sure is! 😮

Déjà Vu.

I’m quickly thrown back to that day when my father was so enraged with me. At me.

I’m brought back to that fateful evening of December 29, 1994.

Synchronistically, the day that the resort owner attacks me is the 28th of December! Only one day apart.

I’m the recipient of intense rage — again. I’m enveloped in the gripping embrace of Fear once more. 😦

After 21 years almost to the day, I’m encountering my father once more — in the person of the resort owner who, synchronistically, has the same name as my father!

Uncanny indeed! 😮

Incredulous as it may seem, my Dad’s first name is Bernardo; The resort owner’s first name is Bernhard.

Both of them are nicknamed ‘Bernie.’ !!!!!

What are the odds, right?

I told you… Something’s been brewing that the Universe is now dishing up for me!

Don’t give him the satisfaction of spewing out his toxicity on you. No more. Not again. Not anymore. Don’t let him have ‘power’ or dominion over you.

Those words powerfully reverberate and pierce through every cell of my body.

My heart beat races rapidly.

And as quickly as that tragic December 29, 1994 evening incident is brought back to my awareness is as fast as how I’m able to regain my composure.

I channel my Inner Warrior. I wave my Alchemical Wand and turn myself from Victim to Victor.

I got this, dear. I got you covered! We’re good!”

I quickly reassure my frightened Little Nadine as I turn to my perpetrator and give him a mouthful!

To be continued – “No Dad. I’m not afraid of you. Not anymore.”

😀 😀

Copyright © 2011-2016 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing, where I share my thoughts and reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...♥♥♥Nadine Marie♥♥♥
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4 Responses to Same Name. Same Date — 21 Years Later. Same Energy Dynamics. Hmmm…

  1. Pingback: “No, Dad. I’m not afraid of you. Not anymore.” | Aligning With Truth

  2. Karen says:

    It’s been 21 years since I had my vocal surgery- I’m in the same place with my voicelessness. Going through a loss of voice- a lot of the rage and disappointment has made it a full year of depression- I’m not where I want or thought I’d be- and the worry is I don’t know-how, when, if- but I’ve surrendered it all now. I will no longer punish myself or soothe myself with food- I’ve gained 50 heartfelt pounds- today I seek comfort in my own heart and the messages that I will support, encourage and not block out of fear or disappointment- I choose to trust myself and the timing of all of this–

    Liked by 1 person

    • What a synchronicity it is Karen, eh?

      I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to go through and how you’ve dealt with it as best you can. We all do that, right? Do the best we can in every given moment — with whatever abilities and capacities we have.

      I certainly can empathize with your situation. Needless to say, yes, at the end of it all, we can only Trust, Believe and keep on Keeping the Faith that there are Blessings in all of our adversities. I know, easier said than done. But we sure can do it! And yes, let’s keep on Trusting ourselves!

      Thank you for sharing your experiences and reflections here.

      Much Love & Bright Blessings to you Karen! 😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀

      Like

  3. Pingback: Battle Of The Wounded Selves | Aligning With Truth

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