Admittedly, I was feeling fearful — still. It wasn’t only because of the lawyer’s warning.
I was frightened because I was in such a remote location, and I didn’t know anyone other than the cottage owner. She, who, as I shared in my previous posts, didn’t fulfill her promise to have her cottage fixed as per our agreement.
We also didn’t put our agreement in writing. Oooops! 😦
And so began my 21-day ordeal that led to a sudden — and significant — shift in my living situation! 😮
Not Quite That Fearless But Courageous Nonetheless
I didn’t allow whatever fear I felt to get me out of my center, though.
I didn’t give any of my power away.
I didn’t allow myself to be intimidated and manipulated by the owner the way I did with the woman who swindled me fourteen years ago.
I didn’t simply keep mum, yay! 🙂
I was more centered and grounded. More in control. More in my power.
I dealt with the owner squarely. I confronted her directly.
And I sure gave her a mouthful! 🙂
Each time she gave me the run-around, each time she refused to take responsibility and passed blame on others — which she was so quick to do and which came so naturally to her — I thrust her disowned issues right back at her. In her face!
As with any dispute, though, it was sooooo exhausting, whew! 😮
I detest such situations, but it was an opportunity — a most golden opportunity — to sharpen my skill of self-assertion, my lifelong lesson.
It was a chance for me to master how to keep myself centered and grounded in the midst of chaos, particularly when dealing with individuals with such manipulative energies. An opportunity that I wasn’t able to make use of fourteen years ago.
It was also healing my deep, deep mother wounds.
And unlike fourteen years ago when I was clamming up far more than speaking up, this time, it was the owner who kept mum each time I hurled back at her. The Truth in the words coming out of my mouth has seemingly silenced her! 😉
Curbing My Rescuer Tendency
One of the owner’s staff told me that the owner has finally met her match. The fierceness and feistiness I was exhibiting are very much characteristic of her. She can be quite intimidating, especially to the ‘lowly’ ones, the staff added.
Accurate or not, none of what I was told about the owner’s personality mattered to me. It didn’t faze me. It didn’t make me lose focus or soften up.
What do I mean?
Oh, back in my Rescuer heyday, I would have gotten distracted and focused on how I was being used as an instrument for someone else’s awakening. That the owner and I were brought to each other for me to teach the owner her lesson. I would have focused on her growth and journey instead of mine.
I would have viewed the opportunity for me to be instrumental in the owner’s transformation as the gift behind the adversity.
I would have dealt with her and responded to the situation in a martyred way.
I would have been concerned only with those whom she has intimidated. Those whom she has ‘victimized.’
I would have taken pity on them and interpreted my experience as an opportunity for me to fight for those victims. For me to make the owner stop intimidating the ‘weak.’ I would have seen it as part of my mission and purpose to make the owner mend her ways.
Had I not learned to relinquish my Rescuer role, the idea of being the victims’ savior and their voice would have appealed to me. The thought of me being used to ‘help’ the owner mend her ways would have given me a sense of fulfillment.
My Rescuer tendency would undoubtedly have tainted how I dealt with the situation — the way I did fourteen years ago.
At the time, I had learned that the woman who swindled me had victimized numerous others.
My intentions and reasons for ‘engaging in the battle’ with her were thus influenced — rightly or wrongly — and muddied by the thought that I would and could do for others what they weren’t able to do for themselves. I could fight for them and their rights. Martyred healer — a term coined by Jennifer Hoffman — at its finest!
Somewhere along the way, naturally, my rights took a back seat. 😦
Oh, but the thought of being ‘selfless’ certainly lured me! 😮
My attention was diverted to fighting for others more than myself. My focus became more on how I was being used as an instrument to teach this woman a lesson and make her stop her swindling ways. I focused on those instead of how Life was gifting me with the opportunity to assert myself and fight for my rights — more than and other than those of others’.
Thankfully, over the years, I’ve become more aware and mindful of my Rescuer tendency and other disempowering ways. I’ve been curbing it as I address my self-worth issues and as I embody Self-love.
All these, as I heal my father and mother wounds — the root of all my distorted beliefs, disempowering patterns and dysfunctional habits.
Focusing On My Journey — No One Else’s
I’ve also come to know that other people’s journey is none of my business. Neither the owner’s journey nor her ‘victims’’ lessons are my concern.
My only concern, focus and intention are — and must only be — on how I can grow from the experience and how to respond differently. That’s all. How others learn and grow is their business. I cannot — and mustn’t — learn their lessons for them. I also cannot — and mustn’t — walk their paths for them or tell them how to walk theirs.
I can — and must only — learn my lessons and walk my path.
While I know that there’s always a lesson, a message, and a growth opportunity each time two individuals cross paths, what that lesson, message or growth opportunity for the other is the other’s business. Not mine.
Did the owner learn and grow from our encounter?
I don’t know. And I can only hope so.
But whether or not she does, does not matter.
And I’m not saying that out of bitterness and unforgiveness or because I couldn’t care less especially after her lies and deceptive and manipulative ways.
I’m saying that simply because I have, by now, thankfully, learned to respond to similar energies and circumstances differently.
And that was the growth opportunity for me.
A different response to a similar situation. A new pattern.
That was the Gift behind the adversity. That was one Gift. One of the many.
One of the many that my 21-day ordeal in Antique blessed me with for which I AM most appreciative and grateful.
😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀