Keeping The Faith

I’m scared.

So scared to confront her about her obligation.

I’m the aggrieved party. I have every right to demand her to face her obligation and own up to her responsibility.

Yet, I’m petrified.

I feel weakened. Intimidated.

It is my first time to deal with someone so twisted and mentally deranged. This woman is the most manipulative I have ever encountered, and I allow myself to be manipulated and twirled around.

She knows my buttons, and she knows exactly how to push them.

And she pushes them well.

I allow her to. I allow her to push and spin me around. I allow her to make me feel that I’m the one at fault.

And she’s so good and so skilled at it. The way sociopaths are wont to do.

I feel so rattled. I’m shaken to my core.

I feel helpless. Powerless. Not penniless, thankfully, despite the huge amount of money I loaned her.

The power struggle leaves me depleted.

I feel so victimized. What did I do to deserve this?

I feel like a Victim. I think like a Victim. Act like a Victim.

I walk around like a headless chicken getting pulled in all directions as I avoid confronting my Perpetrator.

The year was 2001.

Now, fourteen years later, I find myself in a similar situation dealing with someone who failed to fulfill her obligation and wasn’t owning up to it.

Thankfully, I have learned since 2001. Thankfully, I’m handling and responding to things differently. I know so much more now than I did fourteen years ago.

And if I knew then what I know now, I sure would have dealt with the situation differently. Not only would I not have parted with such an enormous amount of money that quickly, but I would also have dealt with her and her manipulative ways much more courageously.

With more feistiness and determination.

The way I’m doing now.

As I shared in my previous post, my recent ordeal in Antique that stemmed from the cottage owner and I not putting our agreement in writing reminded me of this similar horrendous incident that happened fourteen years ago when I was swindled.

Thankfully, I’m much more confident and empowered this time around.

I don’t allow the absence of a written contract to stop me from asserting myself and my rights  — despite the lawyer’s warning that the owner may even turn things around. I don’t dismiss the lawyer’s warning, but I don’t completely and blindly give in to it either. I don’t allow the absence of a written contract to make me cave in — and keep mum — the way I did fourteen years ago.

I don’t allow that one possibility of the owner turning things around and turning things against me to distract me. I don’t allow it to frighten me enough to weaken me and my resolve to assert myself.

After all, it is only one of the many other possibilities. It isn’t the only one.

There’s also the possibility of me coming out of it victorious and empowered. Skilled and transformed. Wiser and better equipped.

There’s the possibility of me dealing with the irresponsible and unconscientious cottage owner more courageously and with much conviction.

For me to use the opportunity that’s being presented to sharpen my skill of self-assertion, my lifelong lesson.

To love myself enough to fight for my rights — no matter if I am in a remote location and know no one except the owner whose family is one of the more prominent ones in the area.

To Believe, Trust, and Know that I AM being guided, protected and taken care of by the Universe — despite how my experiences are seemingly unfolding to the contrary. That there is a Grander Purpose to everything.

I needed to keep myself afloat. I couldn’t afford to break down.

I needed to Keep the Faith.

And I did.

I kept my Faith.

And Keeping the Faith was what helped me see and live through and get out of such a most dreadful situation.

😀 😀

Copyright © 2011-2016 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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5 Responses to Keeping The Faith

  1. Leslie says:

    I thank you for your strength, the heart to share, and your wisdom. I thank you for opening up and letting the light shine.

    Namasteʻ

    Like

  2. Karin says:

    Thank you for sharing your journey so honestly and openly here. Your insights and reflections are helpful for many.

    I just came across a channeled post which addresses a similar topic and I thought I’d share it with you. Maybe it resonates with you.
    https://nwffacim.wordpress.com/2016/02/18/the-holy-spirit-is-not-a-place-to-hide/
    It is a Raj (aka Jesus) channeling by Paul Norman Tuttle.
    I share it because it reinforces the idea that we must not let ourselves be abused.

    I had my own struggles with being exploited for several years and not knowing how on Earth to deal with that. Smile, forgive, and accept? Or what? Until I could not bear my anger any longer. Then I decided to step out of that exploitative situation. So, I can relate a lot to your postings about dealing with nasty people.

    I wish you all the best for confronting and settling the issue with the cottage owner.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind and compassionate words Karin! And thank you for sharing that post. ❤ Yes, I resonated with it, and it reinforced my views and beliefs on how to deal with bullying and abuse — in a most 'spiritual' way. 😉 I sure have fell in that trap of 'feigned positivity' and superficial forgiveness and all other 'fluffy' teachings circulating amongst 'New Age' circles — with all due respect.

      In many of my posts, I mentioned how I've been raised in a dysfunctional family and abusive home environment. Without necessarily identifying with my core wounds, I have also come to realize that healing from them isn't a one-stop shop or a single 'event' (or seminar, workshop, retreat, etc.) It is a process — one that may take an entire lifetime. And I continue to give myself permission to take as much time as is essential for me to heal, grieve and forgive. To extend as much Kindness, Gentleness and Compassion to effect true healing. And I trust you're doing the same for yourself. ❤

      Thanks again Karin for sharing your thoughts and for that post and the kind words and wishes!

      Much Love to you & Blessed be! 😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Moving To My New Oasis Sans The Enthusiasm | Aligning With Truth

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