I was at the lowest point in my journey. I haven’t quite fully recovered, but I’ll get there eventually.
I can’t recall any other time when I had felt this hopeless and helpless. Doomed. Grim.
Sometimes, when Life throws us truckloads of lemons — most of which turn out to be rotten — one can barely make even half a glass of lemonade out of them! 😦
Believe me, I’ve been doing the best I can to stay afloat. To keep a positive outlook. Be optimistic. To not succumb to the despair.
I’ve been telling myself to trust. To believe. And it has been so effortful to do just that.
But when you are at a low point in your life, that’s all you can and must do.
In Denial No More
As I said in my earlier post, what I’m sharing may not be radiating with the Love, Peace, Joy, Bliss, et al, that usually accompany New Year/New Beginning postings and musings.
But I AM not going to pretend. I AM not going to be in denial.
That is, in fact, one thing — among the many — that I realized from my recent ordeal — how much I had been in denial about my living situation in the Philippines. How miserable I had/have been. How I have chosen to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the undesirables and nonnegotiables in my midst. How I have compromised my happiness and sense of Joy.
How much I have put up with less than loving energies.
How much I have settled for less.
You know, just as how much and how long I had put up with all the less than loving, disrespectful and dishonoring energies that have long circulated within my family of origin — subtle or obvious, overt or implied, evident or denied. And my desire to no longer participate in the drama and dysfunctional energy dynamic was the very reason I decided to disconnect myself from them.
Ill Effects of Abuse — Venomous, Dreadful But Not Impossible to Overcome
When one has been repeatedly subjected to various forms of abuse since birth, the toxic energy slowly seeps through every cell and layer of the human body. It gets deeply embedded. It is poison to one’s Soul. Lethal.
Sure, one can make a conscious decision to break away from such an unhealthy pattern.
The decision alone, though, isn’t what will automatically break the cycle of abuse. Breaking an old harmful habit and creating a new empowering pattern is, after all, a process.
But the decision to break the dysfunctional pattern and break away from the destructive cycle is how healing can begin. The decision is a crucial step in the process of clearing away and transmuting toxic energies and destructive patterns.
And they sure can be cleared away — although not right away.
But they can — and will — be cleared away.
One cell at a time. One layer at a time.
But one must first choose to. And one must acknowledge its existence as well as its crippling and damaging effects.
Self-Love — The Greatest Love Of All
One thing — among the many — that my recent ordeal reminded me of is the need for me to continue to Love myself. My commitment and unwavering determination and persistence to do so.
Whatever it takes.
After all, I deserve nothing else. I deserve nothing less.
So do you.
So does everyone else.
And perhaps the living situation that is the most loving to me and most aligned with my energies will manifest only when I can finally and truly practice Self-love.
And I’m realizing that if all that I’m tasked to do for the rest of my incarnation in this lifetime is to clear away all the venom and debris that have been deeply lodged in my system resulting from decades — even lifetimes — of abuse, then nothing and no one can or will stop me from accomplishing just that.
I will not allow anything or anyone to get in the way of my healing and clearing.
I will not give permission to anything or anyone to deprive me of the greatest love that there could ever be — the love for one’s self. ❤ ❤ ❤
And I AM committed to releasing all that’s blocking me from truly and fully loving myself. I AM determined to remove whatever is getting in my way of practicing Self-love.
And I AM envisioning the same for everyone else, be it this New Year and beyond —
May all of us fully and truly embody what it means to Love Thy Self — in its truest and purest form — because we cannot and will not be able to fully and truly Love others unless and until we first Love ourselves.
PS. I’m always fascinated, and it’s quite reassuring to read other articles with themes and messages that are similar to what I’m composing just around the time when I publish mine. Here’s one from Brenda Hoffman‘s Life Tapestry Creations, Earth Dreams Require Dedicated Self-love, and another from Laura Bruno’s Blog, Fear, Denial … or Joy and Creation? Looooove those synchronicities!!!
😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀