That’s just precisely what happened. Sh^t happened! 😦
Hence, my blogging lull. My longest, thus far. A month!
I don’t even know where to begin. There was just so much that I went through that I don’t feel writing only a few posts will be enough.
After all, it has been a most trying phase in my journey. Maybe the most trying phase, thus far, that it may probably even merit a separate blog site, I thought.
Or maybe, at least, a dedicated section or page on this site. Maybe. I don’t know. I’ll figure out later what form of blogging and sharing will make the most sense.
What I can tell you for sure is, you cannot imagine how so distraught I was, whew! 😮 It was unthinkable. Unbelievable.
I was tormented. Terrified. Furious.
Not exactly a post one would like to read — or write — at the beginning of the new year.
Not when everyone else is oozing with optimism and confidence with the promise of the New Year.
Not when everyone else is saying that the momentum with which you begin the year is what will define the energy for the rest of the year.
But I don’t want to fake it. I’m not one to sugar coat anything.
That’s not me. Feigned positivity has no place in my journey.
I want to say it — and write it — as it is.
Everything Happens For A Reason — No Matter The Season. No Sh^t!
Thankfully, I have come out of the ordeal — alive. In. One. Piece. And thankfully, the worst is over!
I may have been embattled. Bruised. Let down.
My spirit may have been [almost] broken.
But not entirely — thankfully. 🙂
I’m too much of a spiritual warrior to allow anyone or anything to break and tear me apart. There was no way I would allow myself to be defeated or victimized.
Oh, but I sure had those moments when I felt helpless and hopeless — which I’ll talk more about in future posts.
I cannot imagine how anyone with a fainter heart or weaker spirit would have survived the 21-day nightmare that I went through — or how they would have dealt with it.
In fact, a dear friend told me just that in our conversation earlier today.
She, who ‘witnessed’ and provided me a much needed compassionate listening heart all throughout my ordeal, just confessed that she couldn’t imagine how she would have dealt with the nightmare that I was put through.
What A Nightmare
That is exactly what it was — a nightmare!
In fact, that’s what I’ve been having about my recent ordeal — nightmares! I’ve been having nightmares about my recent nightmare! 😮 😮 😮
Sure, it is my Soul that magnetized these experiences and co-orchestrated them with the Universe — right alongside the Winter Solstice/Christmas/Hanukkah/Festival of Lights/New Year celebrations at that! (My Soul sure knows how to ‘divinely time’ my growth opportunities, eh?)
Sure, there are always lessons to learn. Skills to master. A higher purpose. Deeper meaning. Bigger picture.
Sure, the Universe and our Soul have a most unusual — and at times, unfathomable — way to make our stuff come up for clearing, cleansing, transmuting, and integrating.
But before I go there, before I intellectualize — or even trivialize — what I’ve experienced or what I’m feeling, before I start to fall prey to the trap of spiritual bypassing, before I cut short the process, right now, for now, I’m giving myself permission just to feel.
To feel angry. Enraged.
To curse. To swear.
To be feisty. To be unreasonable.
To utter the unimaginable and think ill of others. To think the unthinkable. Maybe even the unforgivable.
To have tantrums.
To do, say, and be — whatever it takes for me to heal.
Without any limits. Without any judgments. Without any hesitations. No prohibitions. And certainly no pretensions.
Do, say, and be — whatever it takes for me to grieve.
In whatever way suits me.
In whatever timeline serves me.
Even if — especially because — it is the beginning of the New Year.
Aligning With Truth — In the New Year and Beyond
I want to begin the New Year on the right footing — no less.
Maybe not as cheerfully as other New Year postings, musings or beginnings.
But it is full of Truth nonetheless. It is filled only with Truth.
After all, when Life — and Sh^t — happens, we still can — and must — keep on Aligning With [no other than the/our] Truth.
😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀