I became even more aware of my rescuing tendency, a pattern that I’m now so much more vigilant about.
It is the one thing that I’m most grateful for during my stay of two days short of one year from today — despite the distresses that I went through. It was, in fact, a gift born of all the misery and conflicts. The blessing in disguise most certainly! 🙂
I kept to myself the past three months.
Well, it actually isn’t that far off from my solitary lifestyle. But it was more deliberate this time.
I was going through intense shifts. I was experiencing all sorts of ascension symptoms. I needed to conserve whatever energy I had. I needed to give it to myself and no one else. I couldn’t afford to give to anyone else. I didn’t need any distractions. I needed and wanted to be by myself.
Besides, I was still harboring some resentments from the conflicts that the resort management and I had. And I needed to release them.
I interacted with the management and staff much less than I did. Much, much less. I was practically hibernating. And it did me really well! 🙂
Thankfully, I was well supported by the elements of Mother Nature.
Animals would show up at just the time that I needed their presence. Crows. Butterflies. Bat. Snake. Praying mantis. Each with a timely and apt message! 🙂
Father Sun and Mother Moon would light up the place when I needed their energies.
Rains would pour — and stop — when needed and always in support of my journey.
Winds would blow when I needed my stresses to be carried away.
The sea water would be calm and inviting when I needed to bathe in the healing energies of Mother Ocean and be cradled in her loving embrace.
Also, it was the low season. Either I’d be the only guest or there’d be one or two or three others. There wouldn’t be more than a handful of us at any given time.
The peace and quiet were what I so needed. This, plus the healing, loving and supportive energies of Lady Gaia.
Everything was, in fact, ‘perfectly’ timed and orchestrated. (Isn’t it always?)
I was able to regain my Strength — inner and physical. It gave rise to the Clarity that I now have — particularly about the energy dynamics around my rescuing tendency.
I had known about this tendency for a long time. I had thought, though, that I already transcended it.
Not yet — apparently.
I became even so much more aware how my desire to satisfy my unmet childhood need for approval, acceptance, attention, affirmation, and affection was my motivation in being a rescuer.
In other words, Love. I was seeking for Love.
I got myself deeply involved in the issues of the resort management and staff — both operational and personal — because I wanted to ‘help.’
Did I not know? Was I not aware that I was getting overly involved? That I may already be overstepping boundaries — theirs and mine?
Oh, I sure was very much aware. I had known about my life lesson of boundary-setting which includes when to help and when not to. Known the lesson — clearly. Embodying it — not quite there yet.
Sure, I’d be cautious and mindful before jumping in and offering my suggestions and giving advice. I’d first ask for their permission — which they would always gladly and readily grant.
But I wasn’t empowering them.
And I was, in fact, filling in a void. This, I became so much more aware of in recent months.
Underneath my ‘helping’ (aka rescuing) efforts was my longing to feel valued. Loved. To feel that I mattered.
I was looking to the outside to satisfy what can only be filled internally and only by me — no one and nothing else.
No More Rescuing. Simply Witnessing.
As I said in my earlier post, the past three months served as my ‘in-between’ phase.
I gave myself the time and space to integrate, regroup and anchor the New Energies and learning. After all, it takes a while to embody what we know conceptually.
Keeping my distance gave me the opportunity not only to see my issues and patterns with greater Clarity.
It gave me the chance to experience simply being a witness to all the ‘drama’ that’s playing out in my midst. To simply be a Compassionate Observer.
And that is one reason it wasn’t time for me to leave just yet.
Second Chances & ‘Interning’ to Master a Learning
In my previous travels, I’d end my stay knowing — intellectually — what my learnings were. But I didn’t have the chance to put them into practice.
This time, I did.
As I watched the energies play out in the dramas of the lives of the management and staff, much as it was so tempting for the Knight in Shining Armor in me to come and rescue the Damsel in Distress — as I have done for the duration of my stay — I began to choose to not get involved. I began to take a step back, restrain myself and simply watch. Often, I’d even walk away.
In doing so, I was giving them the permission to choose what they believe is what’s best for them. This, regardless if those choices are unconscious. Regardless if those choices do not align with mine. Or if they don’t satisfy my agenda.
I let them be in their journey. You know, just as how I want them and others to let me be in mine.
I let them explore and navigate through Life, to learn and grow on their own. Through their direct experiences and personal discoveries — not someone else’s. And certainly and especially not mine.
I placed my Trust in the Universal Flow of Life and Mystery — that it was unravelling as it is supposed to. No matter how unclear or ‘wrongful’ it appeared to me.
How other people’s lives unfold and how they grow is, after all, none of my business. Just as how my journey unfolds and whatever path I choose is none of theirs.
I mustn’t get involved — for their sake and mine.
And I haven’t. With much relief, I haven’t gotten involved!
😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀