For the first time in the past five years that I’ve been travelling across the Philippines, I’m packing my stuff and preparing for my next travel destination with nary a tinge of disgust, yay! 😀
In all the nine island destinations that I’ve explored and considered building my sanctuary, thus far, I’d end practically each stay with dismay. Frustration. Disappointment.
Sure, I’d leave very appreciative of how I’ve grown.
Sure, I’d have numerous aha moments especially towards the tail-end of my stay. They were, in fact, what would compel me to pack up and leave — having the realization that the place isn’t for me, and it has rightfully served its purpose.
One thing, though, that would add to my frustration is how some lessons repeatedly showed up. What am I not getting? Why am I not getting it? 😦
Yet I’d still make it a point to be appreciative and grateful for the growth opportunities. I would affirm that I didn’t want to leave the place with resentments.
But that wasn’t what happened.
Unknowingly, I’d leave feeling so resentful — still. This, despite having set my intention of releasing and clearing my system of the misqualified energies that have accumulated.
It has been my pattern in the last five years of my travel.
I’d leave as soon as I could. And I’d leave annoyed. Disgruntled.
There would even be a part of me that’s almost cursing either the place or the person/s with which I had a misunderstanding. Yikes! 😦
In short, there was so much anger! 😮
It would be the dominant energy in my system. I allowed the anger to have power over me. I gave it permission to fuel me.
Not exactly a space from where one is supposed to create something joyful, right? How could I expect to create something that would be vibrating at such a high frequency when my state of being is misaligned and a mismatch?
But I vowed to change that. I didn’t want a repeat.
And I had been adamant to truly break that cycle — this time.
I’m determined to start new. Fresh. Different.
I’m determined to make sure that I do before heading out to my next travel destination and phase in my journey.
Admittedly, though, after my two-month travel and respite from May to July, I wanted to immediately pack my stuff after I returned to Sugar Beach.
The Importance & Necessity of the ‘In-between’ Phase of Integration
In all my previous travels, it was clear to me what my learnings were. They were what both led to and resulted from the end of my relationship with the place.
And I was appreciative of them — despite the disappointment that the place did not meet my expectations or the differences that I had with the people with whom I interacted.
But I didn’t pay as much attention to the importance of integrating my experiences and learning. I didn’t give as much importance to giving myself the time and space to be in that crucial ‘in-between’ phase — to sufficiently recover and properly regroup. To anchor and begin to embody the new energies and learning.
I realized only recently how much I had been in a compulsive state. A state of being closely tied to my panggigigil that I earlier wrote about here. It is a state of being that surely got me into more trouble than is necessary!
When I returned in July, I was very much aware of my repulsive energies — towards the place, the resort, my experiences, and the people with whom I interacted. Despite the clarity that I gained in the two months that I was away, there was so much resentment in my system — still.
And I knew that. I was aware of it.
Thankfully, this time, I didn’t let my destructive emotional states of compulsion and panggigigil get the better of me.
As I wrote in a post,
“…my intention is to create my new pattern of leaving a place or situation in a state of Love, Joy and Gratitude. This, rather than a state of anger and bitterness — as I have done not only in my travels but other situations and relationships. And I would have been in that state had I persisted on my decision to immediately pack up and leave. I would have continued the same old pattern.”
In the weeks that followed, I realized how much Integration, Aligning, Re-aligning, Resting and Recuperation I needed to go through first — before heading out.
And it is what I had been doing the past three months.
It is what led me to my current state and space of Love, Gratitude and Appreciation for all that transpired — not only during my stay here but in all my travels the past five years, even and especially including why I needed to return in 2010 to the Philippines, my country of origin — admittedly with much resistance and hesitation.
And it sure is a most empowering state and space to be in when closing off on a chapter and ending a cycle.
I did it — finally, yay!
😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀