I am at the tail end of a major cycle.
I’m preparing to take a trip to Manila. It is the city where I was born fifty-three years ago, a few days from today. The 19th of this month, to be exact.
It has been two years since I last set foot in Manila.
It has been five years since I returned to my country of origin after I moved out of the San Francisco Bay Area where I lived in joy, bliss and peace for four years! I left with much resistance and reluctance. But I needed to return. It was the next rightful step in my journey.
I’m taking this trip to attend to health and finance matters. I will also start cleaning, sorting out, and letting go of stuff that I’ve had since I arrived five years ago. Yup, five years worth of stuff. Some of them have been sitting in the boxes where they were originally packed when I left California!
It isn’t just ‘stuff’ that I’ll be releasing. My earlier post on releasing someone from my life is also very much connected to this trip.
So, it will be a time of major releasing, figuring out, re-aligning and gaining clarity — as if I (and you, too I’m sure) haven’t been doing that already in years past! Decades for some!
I am having mixed emotions…..
Excitement — for what will unfold.
Excitement — for the shifts in my perception and beliefs vis-a-vis how these changes will impact the way I’ll be interacting with the energies there — including the people.
Anxiety and Fear — for what I already know I will not be too happy experiencing and being exposed to, particularly the toxicity in the environment and density of the energies — again, including the people.
Gratitude and Appreciation — for all the growth that I experienced in connection with my life in Manila.
Gratitude and Appreciation — for what she will be providing me when I’m there — more growth opportunities for sure, not to mention the comfort and convenience, plus the availability of the products and services that are not in my immediate midst in Sugar Beach, especially those that support my choice of a healthy lifestyle.
Gratitude and Appreciation — in anticipation of the likelihood of bumping into people from my past. It will be an opportunity for me to respond to such interactions in an authentic, empowered way, in a way that speaks only of who and what I AM now.
I sure have an overall sense of Peace and Contentment. Joy and Satisfaction. Conclusion and Completion. States of being that are quite the opposite of where I was five years ago after I came back from a four-year sojourn in the San Francisco Bay Area — synchronistically, also around this same time.
As I had feared, within two months after my return in 2010, I fell ill.
My body simply couldn’t handle the toxicity and density in Manila. All my plans went out the window!
I was clueless on what I was going to do next in my life or where I was going —- literally. It was the beginning of my loooooooong — and still ongoing — process of manifesting and creating my geographical island home. (By the way, this post is a prelude to what had been brewing in my writing cauldron — something that I have yet to compose and publish as part of The Seeker’s Dungeon‘s challenge, if it’s still open for participation. I learned about that challenge through Leigh Gaitskill of Not Just Sassy On The Inside.)
I may have the same resistance and reluctance as five years ago. I may have the same fear for the ill effects of being exposed to Manila’s toxic and dense energies — a fear that isn’t unfounded or baseless as I had already proven.
Overall though, I’m still looking forward to my trip — if only because I have a greater sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. A sense of pride!
I have cleaned and cleared much of my energies.
I have experienced much deeper healing and recovering.
I have done an extensive amount of integrating and re-aligning.
Above all else, I have loved myself beyond measure!
There’s still some uncertainty but much of the doubts and anxiety that I had over the years have now been replaced with much clarity and wisdom.
There are still questions but there are also now more answers.
There’s still some confusion but not without a significant amount of order and direction.
There’s a tinge of sadness but it doesn’t come close to the feeling of gladness.
I certainly have grown and transformed significantly. I have come far along on this journey. And what a journey it truly has been, whew!
I’d like to cap this with one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite artists, Lea Salonga. She became famous, and her life and career changed dramatically after she was chosen in 1989 to play the original Kim in Miss Saigon, the record-breaking long-running West End/Broadway musical where she delivered riveting and award-winning performances.
The song was especially written for Lea during the early years and at the height of her Miss Saigon fame. It echoes the journey she has taken thus far and is fittingly titled, “Journey.”
I can so relate to this song. I listen to it, and I sing along with it each time my life takes a significant turn and direction.
Would you please join me in singing along and celebrating this momentous time in my journey? Blessed be!
😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀
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