Releasing Unloving People, Places & Situations

There are times in our life when we hold on to a person, place, thing, relationship or situation long before its purpose has been served. At some level, we know it’s time to let them go, but for various reasons, we don’t.

When we inquire deeply and look truthfully, we realize it is because we do not value ourselves enough. We do not think we are deserving.

Hence, we put up with less than loving and respectful treatment from others. We stay in places and situations that do not provide the environment where we can thrive.

Well, for me, at least. That’s how it has been. It was one of my unhealthy patterns.

And such a situation is what I’m facing again at the moment. It is with someone I had known for decades.

Over the years, after I embarked on this ride towards wholeness, balance, and transformation, practically all of the people in my life — friends and family alike — have slowly disappeared.  Mostly, by my choice. Some, theirs. In others, mutual. And there are those when we organically drifted apart.

And in all of them, it was a call for self-love.

Having been raised in an abusive environment and dysfunctional home,  I have a deeply wounded Inner Child. My root chakra was severely blocked — which, naturally, resulted in the blockages in the rest of the chakras.

I was giving and giving, oblivious to whether or not the energy was being received well. I wasn’t mindful if my gesture was being appreciated. I wasn’t paying attention whether or not it was being reciprocated. I wasn’t conscious at all — or couldn’t care less — if there was a balance in the exchange of energies. Such a concept — balance — was non-existent to me.

I have shared quite extensively in this site about ‘my rejection story.’

READ Chiron And Me And Our Rejection Story

When I was born, I was rejected by my mother — as well as my father — for my looks, the color of skin and gender. I was ‘wrong’ in their eyes.

Growing up, I was made to feel wrong as they shamed and ridiculed me for who I am — not only by my parents but by the rest of my siblings as well.

I had a vocal cord paralysis that became my wake-up call in 1998. That started my journey of healing and awakening.

READ From The Corporate World To The Healing Arts

The very first personal growth workshop that I attended was the “Reparenting the Child Within.”

READ Reparenting the Child Within Workshop: Meeting My Inner Child For the First Time, Part 1

Since then, healing my little Nadine — or I should say, loving, nurturing, reparenting her — has been at the crux of my inner work.

I began to realize how low my self-esteem and sense of self-worth was. I didn’t value myself enough — if at all — hence, the imbalance in the exchange of energies in all of my interactions.

My core wound found its way into my conscious awareness even more when I had my Chiron Return two years ago that helped me make peace with the wound.

READ Chiron Return: A Return to My Family and Childhood Wounding

Everything made sense as I embraced the wound and treasured its gift! Having learned how to conquer it is what’s helping me now set an example and be a source of Light and Inspiration and Voice of Wisdom for others with similar wounds. The fulfilling stage of Cronehood it sure is, yeah!

READ I AM 52, A Crone, and Damn Proud Of It!

During the years leading to this pivotal Chiron Return astrological phase, I became even more aware how much I was looking for my father and his love from all the men in my life and my romantic involvements. It had also dawned on me that I was looking for my mother and her love from all the women in my life, particularly my female friendships.

An endless search, you betcha! A futile exercise.

That search is over.

There is nothing, there is no one to look for externally.  It is all inside of me.

I am determined to fulfill this commitment to love myself enough to allow only those who are loving and respectful towards me — men and women alike. I am welcoming and allowing — even encouraging — the falling away of people and relationships, places, and situations that do not conform to my standards.

Today, there’s only one person left from my pre-self-love days. But as I said at the beginning of this post, her time is up as well.

She may have been my confidante and a soul sister, but she has proven herself unworthy of my love and respect — and not only as a result of a single incident.

I AM appreciative of her having been present and having been a present in my life. I AM grateful for all that she has shown and given me throughout the years. I AM thankful for all the growth opportunities.

And I thank her for being instrumental in reminding me of my worthiness.

But when it’s over, it’s over. Enough.

And this post is the beginning of my releasing as well as the grieving process.

What has been your experience in the falling away of people, situations, relationships and places in your life? What led to it? How have you been impacted by it?

😀 😀

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Copyright © 2011-2015 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing, where I share my thoughts and reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...♥♥♥Nadine Marie♥♥♥
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14 Responses to Releasing Unloving People, Places & Situations

  1. yogaleigh says:

    I found a lot of relationships faded away early on in the path. Interestingly, though, a number of people came back later, having come to the path or at least acceptance of it. I’ve also periodically realized a pattern of some not-good-for-me type in my life and told the Universe I was done — and generally I’ve not attracted any more of them. I still love a lot of my old time friends but am not so close any more because they’re not on this spiritual path and/or not comfortable with it. I also have a whole world of newer friends I’ve made at workshops and gatherings about spiritual practice and personal growth. For me, the falling away of some seems to lead to the entry of others…

    Liked by 1 person

    • The part where some would come back later is what I have yet to experience — if them coming back is, in fact, part of my path and journey to experience it, and in the ‘form,’ at least, that I prefer. What I mean is, when I returned from California five years ago and I became visible through social media, all of those who found me and came back were on the same ‘old’ path/lifestyle/paradigm that I left. Well, at least that’s how I see it based on their profiles and/or the tone and wording of the messages that they sent me. So, no can do. I sure miss the ‘familiarity’ and ‘comfort’ of ‘old friends’ though. Oh well… I also have yet to experience attracting their replacements which leads me once again to my sentiments about having left California. As you and I have already previously discussed and shared here in blogosphere, I miss the abundance of and being in the company of like-mindeds in the Bay Area, the workshops, gatherings, celebrations, and all! I was even the one being choosy then! Now, I content myself with online connections, such as with yours, one that I treasure so much — thanks to the Internet! 🙂

      Thank you Leigh for the love, compassion and support… ❤

      Blessed be Leigh! 😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀

      Like

  2. This is such a soulful, heartful musing on this Chiron-Pisces journey, and what a journey! I recognize the themes you’ve shared here, NadineMarie, from my journey as well — seeing the ‘normalized’ patterns of abusive behavior that originated early on and repeated themselves in subsequent relationships, and beginning to choose differently. Sounds easy, but it requires a lot, as you know. Yes, some people from ‘the old days’ (or ways) have dropped away, and I’ve had to redefine and slowly disentangle from the ongoing relationships (family members, etc.). I’m reflecting on counsel to go ‘no contact’ with one family member, in fact. We shall see. Thanks for sharing from your journey! Blessings, Jamie

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, what a journey indeed Jamie! And I had actually just written those exact words while I was crafting my next post….

      It’s reassuring to be in the company of someone with similar experiences, themes and growth opportunities. Yes, it isn’t easy. Simple, yes. Easy, absolutely not! And yes, it does require a lot. A LOOOOT!!! No new news for you there either… 😉

      Disentangling, disconnecting, and having ‘no contact’ with friends is so much easier than with family. It’s even more challenging for me being in a country where the lives of the people center around family. Again, not easy to be different. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

      May you gain the clarity that you need Jamie with your situation with a family member.

      Thank you for sharing your experiences and reflections. Very reassuring and comforting! ❤

      Blessed be Jamie! 😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀

      Like

  3. Hi Nadean Marie, I am guilty of holding on to relationships too long for my own good. And have suffered from a sense of unworthiness. But then sometimes I’m surprised by something new occurring in an old relationship. As a result, I try not to “burn bridges” and instead put up “fire walls” were necessary (hoping we can walk around them when needed). With some friends and family, I can share deeply; others I relate to on a surface level. Always keeping an antenna out for something more meaningful. Who knows, they may just show me that my “fire wall” is just another wound I didn’t recognize.

    This is an insightful quote for Marianne Williamson’s “Return to Love”…

    “Third-level, life-long relationships are generally few because “their existence implies that those involved have reached a stage simultaneously in which the teaching-learning balance is actually perfect.” That doesn’t mean, however, that we necessarily recognize our third-level assignments; in fact, generally we don’t. We may even feel hostility toward these particular people. Someone with whom we have a lifetime’s worth of lessons to learn is someone whose presence in our lives forces us to grow. Sometimes it represents someone with whom we participate lovingly all our lives, and sometimes it represents someone who we experience as a thorn in our side for years, or even forever. Just because someone has a lot to teach us, doesn’t mean we like them. People who have the most to teach us are often the ones who reflect back to us the limits to our own capacity to love, those who consciously or unconsciously challenge our fearful positions. They show us our walls. Our walls are our wounds—the places where we feel we can’t love any more, can’t connect any more deeply, can’t forgive past a certain point. We are in each other’s lives in order to help us see where we most need healing, and in order to help us heal.”

    Thanks for your insights,
    Mike

    Like

    • What you said about your experience struck a chord Mike, thank you! Quite insightful as well as the quote from Marianne. Loooove “Return to Love,” and your comment just nudged me to go back and read the book again, thank you! 🙂

      Thank you for what you have shared and for being part of the conversation! ❤

      Blessed be Mike! 😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀

      Like

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  6. I’ve not been on the spiritual path for too long, but I’ve already been experiencing the loss/distancing of old relationships I formed prior to awakening. With some people, I have felt us gradually drifting apart because we have less in common now. An old friend who remained loyal recently projected all her insecurities onto me and said she doesn’t want to speak anymore. It was very unexpected and I still don’t understand her extreme reaction, but I am grateful for the friendship we had. Because I have become better at accepting the transient nature of things, I find myself able to accept these losses and move on with the thought that new people will come in when the time is right. I must say, though, I still experience guilt sometimes when I have the desire to distance myself from certain family members.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I started typing my response to your comment Manda. Before I know it, it was turning into a post! Clearly, something wants to speak through, and one that is to be shared. Thank you for the nudge! 🙂

      I’m still finishing it up, but I want to say that I totally understand and resonate with the feeling of guilt, especially when it comes to family. It took a really long time for me to arrive at my decision. To this day, I’m still making peace with it as I still have my moments of guilt and doubt — albeit sporadically. In fact, your comment made me take a step back and look into it again. The process of my writing my response helped make me address any thoughts and feelings of guilt and doubt — quite healing, thanks to you and your comment! 🙂

      I appreciate your stopping by and sharing your thoughts and experiences Manda — especially as it prodded me to do self-reflection and inquiry.

      Blessed be. 😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀

      Like

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