There are times in our life when we hold on to a person, place, thing, relationship or situation long before its purpose has been served. At some level, we know it’s time to let them go, but for various reasons, we don’t.
When we inquire deeply and look truthfully, we realize it is because we do not value ourselves enough. We do not think we are deserving.
Hence, we put up with less than loving and respectful treatment from others. We stay in places and situations that do not provide the environment where we can thrive.
Well, for me, at least. That’s how it has been. It was one of my unhealthy patterns.
And such a situation is what I’m facing again at the moment. It is with someone I had known for decades.
Over the years, after I embarked on this ride towards wholeness, balance, and transformation, practically all of the people in my life — friends and family alike — have slowly disappeared. Mostly, by my choice. Some, theirs. In others, mutual. And there are those when we organically drifted apart.
And in all of them, it was a call for self-love.
Having been raised in an abusive environment and dysfunctional home, I have a deeply wounded Inner Child. My root chakra was severely blocked — which, naturally, resulted in the blockages in the rest of the chakras.
I was giving and giving, oblivious to whether or not the energy was being received well. I wasn’t mindful if my gesture was being appreciated. I wasn’t paying attention whether or not it was being reciprocated. I wasn’t conscious at all — or couldn’t care less — if there was a balance in the exchange of energies. Such a concept — balance — was non-existent to me.
I have shared quite extensively in this site about ‘my rejection story.’
When I was born, I was rejected by my mother — as well as my father — for my looks, the color of skin and gender. I was ‘wrong’ in their eyes.
Growing up, I was made to feel wrong as they shamed and ridiculed me for who I am — not only by my parents but by the rest of my siblings as well.
I had a vocal cord paralysis that became my wake-up call in 1998. That started my journey of healing and awakening.
The very first personal growth workshop that I attended was the “Reparenting the Child Within.”
Since then, healing my little Nadine — or I should say, loving, nurturing, reparenting her — has been at the crux of my inner work.
I began to realize how low my self-esteem and sense of self-worth was. I didn’t value myself enough — if at all — hence, the imbalance in the exchange of energies in all of my interactions.
My core wound found its way into my conscious awareness even more when I had my Chiron Return two years ago that helped me make peace with the wound.
Everything made sense as I embraced the wound and treasured its gift! Having learned how to conquer it is what’s helping me now set an example and be a source of Light and Inspiration and Voice of Wisdom for others with similar wounds. The fulfilling stage of Cronehood it sure is, yeah!
During the years leading to this pivotal Chiron Return astrological phase, I became even more aware how much I was looking for my father and his love from all the men in my life and my romantic involvements. It had also dawned on me that I was looking for my mother and her love from all the women in my life, particularly my female friendships.
An endless search, you betcha! A futile exercise.
That search is over.
There is nothing, there is no one to look for externally. It is all inside of me.
I am determined to fulfill this commitment to love myself enough to allow only those who are loving and respectful towards me — men and women alike. I am welcoming and allowing — even encouraging — the falling away of people and relationships, places, and situations that do not conform to my standards.
Today, there’s only one person left from my pre-self-love days. But as I said at the beginning of this post, her time is up as well.
She may have been my confidante and a soul sister, but she has proven herself unworthy of my love and respect — and not only as a result of a single incident.
I AM appreciative of her having been present and having been a present in my life. I AM grateful for all that she has shown and given me throughout the years. I AM thankful for all the growth opportunities.
And I thank her for being instrumental in reminding me of my worthiness.
But when it’s over, it’s over. Enough.
And this post is the beginning of my releasing as well as the grieving process.
What has been your experience in the falling away of people, situations, relationships and places in your life? What led to it? How have you been impacted by it?
😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀
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