The ‘Breakup’

Why do I feel like I’m about to break up with someone?

I have this strong intuitive sense as I go through this major distressing episode in connection with my stay at this resort.

I go through a gamut of emotions.

Anger. Rage. Sadness. Compassion. Frustration. Irritation. Gratitude. Appreciation. Confusion.

The thought of leaving and heading off to my next destination crosses my mind.

But I want to be sure that I am not simply angry.

I want to let my emotions die down first.

I want to be more rational, calm and centered before making any decisions. I want to make sure that whatever choices and steps that I take are for the ‘right’ reason. That I am being reasonable. That I am not just pissed — even if I truly am!

That was in early December 2014.

In a recent post, I shared that I finished a lengthy letter that I wrote the staff whose actions led to my severe distressed state. Thankfully, I’m now fully recovered and recharged! I finally gave that letter to her. That was two weeks ago.

What is her response?

Nothing.

No acknowledgment. No ‘thank-you.’ No apology. No ‘I’m-so-embarrassed-I-don’t-know-what-to-do-or-to say.’

Nothing.

Am I disappointed?

Absolutely!

Does her ‘silence’ anger me?

No.

What do I make of that? What am I to ‘do’ now?

Likewise….

Nothing.

It can’t get any clearer that I’m not going to have anything to do with this staff.

Nothing.

I already made that decision back in December. But I was full of anger then.

The anger has now dissipated.

But I still have the same decision. Her actions — inaction — are a clear indication of what I am to do moving forward.

I’m clear in my intention in writing the letter that what I wanted was to give myself the space to express how I felt. I wasn’t justifying. Not passing on the blame.  Simply expressing myself.

I’m also clear that my forgiveness — be it towards her or myself — is not dependent on whether or not she would ask for an apology. Nor is it dependent on whether or not her apology is sincere. Forgiveness and apology are non-concomitant.

It is bad enough that she doesn’t do anything with my letter.

Worse, a few days after receiving it, she displays yet another of her unconscious, unintentional, habitual pattern of disrespect.

I’m not as angered as before, but I naturally report the incident again to the resort owner. She calls the attention of the erring staff. Their conversation pushes the staff to approach me — finally.

Long and short of it all….

Pride.

She’s too proud to approach me. She wants to but doesn’t know how. She’s even too proud to ask the assistance of the resort owner on how to approach me. She’s scared of causing my ire again. She’s afraid of making a mistake — that, to me, is simply pride, still.

We have a heartfelt conversation. I don’t allow my own fear-based, limited self to lead the conversation. I speak from the heart. And I speak my truth lovingly and respectfully.

I feel her sincerity. I believe her. She isn’t merely giving excuses. She truly has a limited capacity, ability, and capability — given her level of awareness and consciousness.

Up until starting now…..

She realizes that what she needs to learn is humility.

I’m pleased that her admission and acknowledgment is, in itself, already a show of humility. And I point that out to her — along with many others that make her come to her senses and realizations — finally! — for which she is truly grateful.

Except that…..

She wants more.

She wants more from me. More similar conversations.

More than what I am willing to give.

And I’m now being given yet another opportunity to  practice self-love and boundary-setting.

Enough.

I have served my purpose. I have planted the seed.

Back in my rescuer, caretaking role heyday, I would have quickly, excitedly jumped at the opportunity. I, most likely, would even have offered myself to be her ‘mentor.’ I certainly would have made her one of my ‘projects.’ I would have seen it as the reason I was led to this resort!

No.

No more.

I believe that she has truly gotten her lesson. It is now time for her to put it into practice.

And I know that changing, breaking a pattern, getting out of a habit isn’t going to happen overnight. Developing a skill takes time and practice. And I certainly am not going to be her training ground. Nor am I going to be an enabler. Not anymore. I love myself enough to not allow that.

And she simply needs to respect that. She needs to learn to respect my choice.

When the relationship has served its purpose, staying on longer, staying together becomes a disservice to both parties.

I’ve learned for a long time now that forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. We can forgive, but we don’t need to be together. We can still love, but we don’t need to be with each other.

And I’m now leaving our situation in a state of love — for her and myself.

When couples break up, when both parties realize their wrongdoings, when they extend forgiveness or when they ask for one, when they realize that it’s to their best interest and highest good to part ways — and when they do so in a state of love — the love is what will allow both of them to let each other go and set each other free.

Just because two people love each other doesn’t mean they need to be together. And I’m hoping that she soon realizes that — if she hasn’t yet.

And it is now dawning on me that the feeling of ‘break-up’ that I had in December didn’t mean ‘breaking up’ with the resort or the resort owner — it is with the resort staff.

And again, I’m so thankful that I’m breaking yet another unhealthy pattern — the pattern of leaving — be it a place, person or situation — in a state of anger. I am starting a new pattern of going away in a state of love.

In fact, it is because of love that I am breaking away. It is because of my love — for myself and her as well — that I am ‘breaking up’ with her.

😀 😀

# # #

Copyright © 2011-2015 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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10 Responses to The ‘Breakup’

  1. Shawna says:

    You are a very wise spiritual teacher Nadine. And it sounds to me like ya’lls spiritual contract has been fulfilled. You have both learned and she will continue learning. Very good teacher she is!

    A really good book I would like to recommend if you haven’t already read it is How to Talk to Your Guardian Angels by Kim O’Neill (more spiritual) and another one is Angelspeake by Barbara Mark and Trudy Griswold (more religious). And another good blog I think you would enjoy channelingerik.com – think you’ll dig Erik and he you!

    Love & Light,
    Shawna

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Shawna! ❤ Teachers and students we all are to each other indeed! 🙂

      I think I still have Kim's book in my personal library. I read it quite a while back. As to "Angelspeake," I tend to be much more cautious when it comes to anything 'religious.' 😦 Thanks anyway. And yes, I'll check out Erik's blog…

      Blessed be…. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

      • Shawna says:

        You’re welcome and yes we are! That’s cool that you have Kim’s book too. You really are far down on your spiritual path. I like that about you! You have a lot of experience and with your sharing/writing you’ll be able to help a lot of people.

        I understand about the religious part but I think that’s why I liked it – it helped me know how to talk to my religious friends about things like this. And plant the seed as well! 😉

        Blessed be ❤

        Like

        • It warms my ❤ each time I hear that the joy that I experience when I express myself, when I write about my experiences and insights creates a ripple effect in others…that my writing and sharing helps them in whatever way best suits them. Thank you! 🙂 My purpose, this site's purpose is being served.

          As to the 'religious' folks, I simply not engage with them when it's not called for. Unless the individual is open-minded, I choose to walk away. Not easy…I still find myself occasionally getting sucked into such energies, engaging in 'useless' conversations. I need to constantly remind myself — and others — to simply honor and respect where we all are in our chosen paths….to trust, to believe, to know that we all are where we need to be in our journey. I will check out 'Angelspeake' and see if it will 'speak' to me….

          Thanks again Shawna for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and other resources. Blessed be! ❤ ❤ ❤

          Like

          • Shawna says:

            You’re welcome and thank you! I can tell I’m really going to enjoy following your blog/journey.

            I understand and wish I could do the same…but my spiritual contracts/ties are with some pretty religious folks (my family). Maybe I can learn from you how you do that…choose to walk away and not get sucked into their energies. Hard lesson for me there, but I also feel like I’m learning tolerance and unconditional love with them. And you’re right about honoring others for their path.

            Here’s a good link on Angelspeake http://www.angelspeake.com/archive/theangels.htm

            Thanks again for your sharing and for welcoming in mine. 🙂

            Love & Light
            Blessed Be & Merry Meet ❤

            Like

        • I just checked out ‘Angelspeake.’ Turns out, I may have actually already read it eons ago! It may even still be in my personal library. Maybe. I don’t have access to all my books at the moment.

          Like

  2. It sounds like you’ve had quite the adventure with the staff there, Nadine. I’m glad to know that you’re rolling with it, as always. 🙂

    Like

  3. Pingback: Snake Medicine: Something Needs To Die To Give Birth To Something New | Aligning With Truth

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