Latino. My type. My weakness.
I see him from a distance as I walk past the restaurant on my way to the beach. A new face. A fine-looking one at that.
Our eyes meet. An instant connection. An instant attraction. My heart skips a beat. I probably even do a double take.
We exchange “Hello’s.” I feel a lightness in my chest.
“Boy is he handsome! I’m going to ask the resort owner who the new guest is,” I utter to myself as I walk closer towards the shore for my regular morning swim.
I come back after one hour feeling refreshed. Recharged. Renewed.
I so need the healing energies of Mother Ocean — especially after yet another distressing episode at the resort! Yup. Yet another f#*!ing growth opportunity! 🙂
“How was it?” He is still seated at the restaurant. He is now by his lonesome. His interest in how my swim was, opens the door for more conversations.
I immediately notice his gorgeous green eyes. Alluring. They can easily captivate one’s heart. And he knows that no doubt. He knows how to use them to mesmerize — women especially, I’m sure.
I quickly discover that he is, like me, quite an empath. Highly sensitive. Yes! I’m not the only one!
Finding out about the trait that we have in common is enough for me to allow him into my space — energetically and literally. He is the first resort guest who I invite to have a peek into my little witch house — my sanctuary for more than three months now and which he absolutely adores! (Who wouldn’t?)
Before long, the similarities that I initially uncover are not enough to keep me interested. In fact, I’m repulsed by his energies!
He is so full of himself. He wants and needs an audience — someone to listen to him, someone to appreciate him.
Sure, it is an innate human desire to feel loved and appreciated.
But it isn’t fair to simply be ‘taking.’ To be sucking out of someone.
It being unintentional doesn’t make it less wrong. It still isn’t a rightful, healthy, or fair exchange of energies.
Appreciation. Attention. Affirmation. Affection. Approval.
The 5A’s that a child needs for healthy emotional and psychological development. That’s what he’s looking for.
He needs someone to give him the accolade. Someone to clap. Perhaps to even give him a standing ovation, after a moving performance.
I am not moved.
His sharing, his ‘performance’ is intended to move me only in order for me to give him what he needs and desires.
But I’m not going to give it to him.
No matter how handsome and charming his looks are. No matter that there are similarities and parallelisms in our lives. Those are not enough to make me overlook the fact that I do not feel uplifted when I’m around him.
And I certainly am not going to be the one to do the uplifting for him — or for anyone for that matter. Not anymore. I’m no longer making it my responsibility to beam other people’s light for them — especially not when how they can shine their Light is when they switch off mine.
I even know so much more about him than he does about me. He doesn’t even know that I write — my greatest passion and source of joy, duh! That’s how much of the talking — bragging? — he has been doing!
He surely is determined — desperate? — to make an impression. He is ‘performing,’ remember? I am his audience. Supposed to be. Or so he thought.
Thankfully, I quickly realize that he doesn’t need a compassionate listening ear. Rather, he has a strong need to fill in an inner void. He is looking outside of himself to fill it in for him.
It dawns on me that the Universe is giving me the opportunity to train myself to discern whom to give and how much. A balanced and fair exchange of energies is my goal in every interaction.
While he may be doing more of the sharing, it is the chance for me to get to know him. I’m finding out more about him before deciding if the interaction is to continue. I’m deciding how much more would I reveal about me — if I even would.
In the past, I’d immediately bare my soul, tell my ‘story’ and everything about me. I’d do most of the talking. The other person would know so much more about me than I would about them. I’ve given more than I was supposed to.
How much of his need for an audience is a reflection of me? Am I not also seeking for an audience who will listen to me and make me feel validated, heard, seen and appreciated? Am I not also looking for someone who will make me feel loved? Am I not also ‘performing’ as I share myself? How many of the people I’ve spoken to do I leave feeling depleted or sucked from, the way I felt with him?
And did I trust him too much, too soon when I showed him my little witch house right after we first met?
Maybe it is because I am quite vulnerable and overly excited having met someone who gets me. A rarity, particularly where I’m at geographically.
But I’m not regretting.
I may have invited him into my physical space, but I’m congratulating myself for having allowed him into my energetic space long enough only for me to know that he isn’t to hang out any longer.
He provided me the opportunity to stay strong in my resolve about what my non-negotiables are when it comes to romantic involvements and relationships.
His looks and Latin descent, the parallelisms in our journey, the similarities in our life circumstances — these are not reason enough for me to compromise my values and principles.
So, I AM the one who deserves a standing ovation for having taken a huge step in breaking my pattern of ‘falling in love so easily and so blindly!’ Yay! 😀
In the days that follow, I avoid him — successfully, thankfully.
Until tonight…..his last evening. He leaves early the following morning — much to my relief!
He asks for a hug. We embrace under the fullness of glorious Mother Moon — an embrace from which I want to remove myself as soon as possible.
My energies had clearly shifted from when we first hugged each other.
Then, I was so appreciative and happy to have found a kindred spirit. Now, I am appreciative and happy — still — but it is because he is no longer going to be in my midst. I can now be much more relaxed and free to move around. I’m no longer going to be exposed to such energies that are quite manipulative and misaligned with mine.
More importantly, I’m so thankful for all the reminders and realizations. And I am ever-grateful for how much I have grown, matured and evolved!
I walk away as I offer a silent prayer of thanks. I heave a sigh of relief.
I continue my post-dinner walk on this cool moonlit evening while swinging my arms. I cannot contain my smile.
My head tips back. I look up in the sky. I am enveloped in the loving arms of Mother Moon.
I feel full. Nourished. Empowered.
And loved. So, so loved.
I give myself a hug. A tight one. And I give myself a pat on the back for having loved myself enough to say ‘no.’
Saying ‘no’ to a Latino — a first for me! Well done, Nadine! Well done!
😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀
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