”When things like these happen synchronistically, I firmly believe there’s something in the collective that’s coming up for clearing and transmuting. And that, we may be [are], as a group, being called to collectively create a solution on how to deal with such energies….as we live in the New and create our New Earth and New Reality.”
I had been posting extensively about my experience. I was gathering my thoughts on my next one — this one — yes, on the same topic.
I know. I’ve written in a previous post that it would be the end of my blogging about it.
But then…hey, Leigh’s post shows up! 🙂
There surely must be something that’s coming up for clearing and integrating in the area of communication — in giving and receiving feedback, commenting, advising, sharing one’s thoughts and opinions, particularly in cyberspace and blogosphere. No such thing as a coincidence, after all, right?
I will not repeat myself here. I invite you to go over to Leigh’s post instead — not so much to read the rest of what I had commented — but to read the very interesting discussion that ensued. Her post triggered quite a rich exchange of thoughts and ideas from the readers. You may want to join the conversation as well.
I also highly encourage you to read one of her recent posts, Unsolicited Advice and Right Listening — where this post’s title came from. It is an excellent piece. Well-written. I can’t think of anything else to add.
Earlier, Leigh and I had a conversation on how embedded it is in the American culture to jump in and offer help to someone who is in need. She has written about it in her post as well.
As I also shared with her, I believe that it’s more universal — the desire and need to come to someone’s rescue. To do something when there’s a situation. To offer a solution to every ‘problem.’
I, too, have fallen in that trap. I’m thankful I now know better. I’m thankful I’ve gotten out of it — not without moments of regressing, admittedly.
I believe what’s underneath the ‘rescuing’ is how much we’ve been trained as a ‘doing’ rather than ‘being’ species. Human doing, instead of human being.
There’s much discomfort in simply letting things be. There’s much uneasiness in letting people be.
We feel compelled to ‘do’ something. We feel that when we don’t do anything, we’re not contributing anything.
Why can we not simply hold the space — with much compassion — for someone when they are going through something?
Why can we not allow them to be in their space — no matter how ‘wrong’ it appears to us?
Can simply being there in supportive silence for the other not be the most loving and much-needed thing for us to ‘do’?
Might our loving presence not be the most impactful and healing for another?
I believe also that what has greatly influenced this rescuing culture is the distorted view of the teachings of Jesus — the misperception of the embodiment of Christ consciousness.
Hence, the messianic complex. Being someone’s savior, giving one’s self in the service of the other — to the detriment and neglect of one’s own needs — is the [wrongful] measurement of how someone is able to be of service and make a contribution.
When someone now comes to me with a ‘situation,’ I first ask, “Do you also want my thoughts and opinion, or do you simply want me to listen?”
It has saved (pun intended) much trouble — for me and the other. And it certainly reduced the risk of adding more pain and drain — on the other, on me, on our relationship.
It took a while for me, though, to hold my tongue and to stop myself from immediately offering a solution. Rescuing, after all, has been my second nature — as is with the majority of humanity. And getting out of such a habit is something that I’m still mastering.
Words can make a deeper scar than silence can heal. ~ Author Unknown
I reviewed what I had written over the years on communicating, listening, advising, helping vis-a-vis meddling, rescuing /caretaking/ being of service/messianic complex, focusing on the other rather than our selves, and other similar topics. At the end of this post is a list of the links to all of those posts as well as those from other bloggers/writers.
Interestingly enough, writing this post and reviewing all that I’ve written has served as a reminder and a review.
I’m being reminded, as I had already previously shared in this site, to continue focusing on myself. My path. My journey. My growth opportunities — instead of the other. To continue taking care of me rather than being a caretaker for others — not out of lack of caring for them but out of respect for wherever they are in their journey.
I’m likewise being reminded on how to appropriately and respectfully respond when others do not accord me that respect.
When I’m not let alone to be in my space, no matter how uncomfortable that may be to me or to others, when I’m not allowed to simply be and to be where I’m at in my journey, how do I handle it? How do I respond with grace? Am I responding or reacting? And when I react, why might there be such a reaction from me?
I’m sure, and I know we all have much to learn and grow from all these.
I do not claim to be an expert on the topic. I am, after all, work-in-progress.
What has become much clearer to me though is this is definitely part of The Shift.
Rescuing, caretaking, advising (especially unsolicited), fixing (others), saving — these are all of the Old Earth.
I, we are being asked to sift through our perceptions and shift our paradigms.
We are being tasked to create new paradigms — new ways of helping and being of service through new ways of engaging and interacting, be it in social media and anywhere else.
Unsolicited advising — begone.
Right listening it definitely is — no other than!
- No One Wants To Be Told
- Are You Helping Or Are You Meddling?
- Words of (Dis)comfort
- The Path of Transformation: How Healing Ourselves Can Change the World
- “That’s because of his aneurysm!” — The Beginning Of the End of My Caretaking Days and Rescuer Role
- I Am So Over My Caretaking Days
- Loving Myself: My Caretaking Days Are Over
- My primary life purpose: To create inner harmony
- Compassion and Developing Bodhichitta
- Healthy Boundaries for Highly Sensitive People – An Excerpt from “Assertiveness for Earth Angels”
- How To Deal With Attacking And Critical Energy From Others
- How To Respond Rather Than React
- You Don’t Need to Return to Battle Trenches
- Q&A: Who Are you Trying to Rescue?
- Boundaries 101: How to not only survive, but THRIVE in the world of Social Media; especially as an Empathic, or Highly Sensitive Person
- Appreciating Suggestions: Other People’s Agendas
- Truly Listen To Another
- Are You Being Supportive Or Intrusive?
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