Of Right Listening Instead Of Unsolicited Advising


Image Source: http://floriandra.deviantart.com/ ©2007-2014 Floriana Barbu

When things like these happen synchronistically, I firmly believe there’s something in the collective that’s coming up for clearing and transmuting. And that, we may be [are], as a group, being called to collectively create a solution on how to deal with such energies….as we live in the New and create our New Earth and New Reality.”

It is part of the comment that I made on Leigh’s post in Not Just Sassy On The Inside. Interestingly, she, like me, had just encountered a reader who also gave an unsolicited advice.

I had been posting extensively about my experience. I was gathering my thoughts on my next one — this one — yes, on the same topic.

I know. I’ve written in a previous post that it would be the end of my blogging about it.

But then…hey, Leigh’s post shows up! 🙂

There surely must be something that’s coming up for clearing and integrating in the area of communication — in giving and receiving feedback, commenting, advising, sharing one’s thoughts and opinions, particularly in cyberspace and blogosphere. No such thing as a coincidence, after all, right?

I will not repeat myself here. I invite you to go over to Leigh’s post instead — not so much to read the rest of what I had commented — but to read the very interesting discussion that ensued. Her post triggered quite a rich exchange of thoughts and ideas from the readers. You may want to join the conversation as well.

I also highly encourage you to read one of her recent posts, Unsolicited Advice and Right Listening — where this post’s title came from. It is an excellent piece. Well-written. I can’t think of anything else to add.

Image Source:

Image Source: http://floriandra.deviantart.com/ ©2007-2014 Floriana Barbu

Earlier, Leigh and I had a conversation on how embedded it is in the American culture to jump in and offer help to someone who is in need. She has written about it in her post as well.

As I also shared with her, I believe that it’s more universal — the desire and need to come to someone’s rescue. To do something when there’s a situation. To offer a solution to every ‘problem.’

I, too, have fallen in that trap. I’m thankful I now know better. I’m thankful I’ve gotten out of it — not without moments of regressing, admittedly.

I believe what’s underneath the ‘rescuing’ is how much we’ve been trained as a ‘doing’ rather than ‘being’ species. Human doing, instead of human being.

There’s much discomfort in simply letting things be. There’s much uneasiness in letting people be.

We feel compelled to ‘do’ something. We feel that when we don’t do anything, we’re not contributing anything.

Why can we not simply hold the space — with much compassion — for someone when they are going through something?

Why can we not allow them to be in their space — no matter how ‘wrong’ it appears to us?

Can simply being there in supportive silence for the other not be the most loving and much-needed thing for us to ‘do’?

Might our loving presence not be the most impactful and healing for another?

Image Source: http://floriandra.deviantart.com/ ©2007-2014 Floriana Barbu

Image Source: http://floriandra.deviantart.com/ ©2007-2014 Floriana Barbu

I believe also that what has greatly influenced this rescuing culture is the distorted view of the teachings of Jesus — the misperception of the embodiment of Christ consciousness.

Hence, the messianic complex. Being someone’s savior, giving one’s self in the service of the other — to the detriment and neglect of one’s own needs — is the [wrongful] measurement of how someone is able to be of service and make a contribution.

When someone now comes to me with a ‘situation,’ I first ask, “Do you also want my thoughts and opinion, or do you simply want me to listen?

It has saved (pun intended) much trouble — for me and the other. And it certainly reduced the risk of adding more pain and drain — on the other, on me, on our relationship.

It took a while for me, though, to hold my tongue and to stop myself from immediately offering a solution. Rescuing, after all, has been my second nature  — as is with the majority of humanity. And getting out of such a habit is something that I’m still mastering.

Words can make a deeper scar than silence can heal. ~ Author Unknown

I reviewed what I had written over the years on communicating, listening, advising, helping vis-a-vis meddling, rescuing /caretaking/ being of service/messianic complex, focusing on the other rather than our selves, and other similar topics. At the end of this post is a list of the links to all of those posts as well as those from other bloggers/writers.

Interestingly enough, writing this post and reviewing all that I’ve written has served as a reminder and a review.

I’m being reminded, as I had already previously shared in this site, to continue focusing on myself. My path. My journey. My growth opportunities — instead of the other. To continue taking care of me rather than being a caretaker for others — not out of lack of caring for them but out of respect for wherever they are in their journey.

I’m likewise being reminded on how to appropriately and respectfully respond when others do not accord me that respect.

When I’m not let alone to be in my space, no matter how uncomfortable that may be to me or to others, when I’m not allowed to simply be and to be where I’m at in my journey, how do I handle it? How do I respond with grace? Am I responding or reacting? And when I react, why might there be such a reaction from me?

Image Source: http://floriandra.deviantart.com/ ©2007-2014 Floriana Barbu

Image Source: http://floriandra.deviantart.com/ ©2007-2014 Floriana Barbu

I’m sure, and I know we all have much to learn and grow from all these.

I do not claim to be an expert on the topic. I am, after all, work-in-progress.

What has become much clearer to me though is this is definitely part of The Shift.

Rescuing, caretaking, advising (especially unsolicited), fixing (others), saving — these are all of the Old Earth.

I, we are being asked to sift through our perceptions and shift our paradigms.

We are being tasked to create new paradigms — new ways of helping and being of service through new ways of engaging and interacting, be it in social media and anywhere else.

Unsolicited advising — begone.

Right listening it definitely is — no other than!

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Copyright © 2011-2014 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Brightest & Magical Blessings!!! Om Shanti. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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5 Responses to Of Right Listening Instead Of Unsolicited Advising

  1. yogaleigh says:

    Great post! And thanks so much for the link love! Hugs, Leigh

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi NadineMarie,

    Your posts are wonderful and really resonate with me. I’m glad I discovered your blog. You offer great insights.

    I see tonight that a typhoon is coming to the Philippines. I hope that you will be safe (especially since we know you live close to the water), and that everybody there will find sanctuary. My wife and I have been through several hurricanes (different name, same kind of storm) on the east coast of the United States. What I’ve noticed is that afterwards, everybody comes together. Even with no electricity: people come outside, share, help, and smile.

    Your recent posts remind me of this post from my blog: http://beyondtheletter.com/2014/11/05/save-yourself-first/

    I hope the storm’s energy looses power before landfall. But either way, you will have your power.
    – Mike


    • Thank you Mike. I’m glad you resonate with my posts!

      Thank you also for your concern regarding the storm. I’m in a “safe” area, so no worries. 🙂

      Yes, storms and other disasters have a way of making people come together. I may sound cynical, but I often wonder why can people not come together, “share, help, and smile” even during ‘disaster-free’ times? Often also, and sadly, people go back to their ‘old, selfish ways’ when the disaster is over…. 😦 Or, in the case of the majority of government officials and politicians, when election is over! 😉

      Thank you again for visiting and reading. Blessed be. ❤ ❤ ❤


  3. Pingback: Being A Container: Holding Space For Others | Aligning With Truth

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