Alright. So, I’m not quite done with my ‘issue’ on boundary-setting with the reader’s comment in my recent post.
Please trust me. I’m not simply picking on this reader and her comment. I will not just be ranting here. I have a point to make in this post — and it is applicable to all of us bloggers.
I was so irked with this reader’s comments, and I had an intuitive sense that the name that she used wasn’t her true identity. So, I googled the email address that she provided.
Lo and behold!
The name in the email address matches the name of a life coach! A name, I must add, that isn’t very common. So, chances are, this life coach and the reader-commenter could be one and the same!
Oh, and it is so tempting to divulge here her ‘real’ name, but that would be shaming her. That would be so immature of me and giving in to my hurting little Nadine. That would also be violating privacy rights. Besides, I could be wrong….. And besides, that’s not my intention for this post.
But then again, and for the sake of discussion, if she is who I think she is from my discovery, it does make even more sense. The advice and coaching-sounding comments that she gave can easily come from someone who is a ‘coach’ or in a similar profession —- a well-meaning, well-intentioned but definitely misguided and misled one though! (Boy, am I glad I’m not one of those whom she coaches! 😉 )
But I digress…
Please stay with me as I’m now getting to the point of this post….
Assuming that my research is valid and accurate, it makes me wonder…
Why would someone with only the purest of intentions and nothing to hide or fear could find the need to use a pseudo-name? And a coach at that? And assuming that I’m correct about her ‘real’ identity, she even has a blog, and it is in WordPress! So, why not use her WordPress ID, right?
Can you now start to see where I’m getting at with this?
Interestingly— synchronistically — the most recent comments from a couple of other bloggers struck me, and what they said are related to what I’ve just uncovered.
No, I’m not going to rant about these bloggers because these are such loving and respectful souls. In fact, what they shared inspired me to write this piece.
Leigh of Not Just Sassy On The Inside wrote, “I’ve had so many comments that involved giving me unsolicited advice — some of which leaves me wondering if they even read my post.” (I can so relate to that….)
And here’s the point that I’m making…..
The internet has, sadly, made it so convenient for those with less-than-pure intentions — and much-unresolved inner conflicts I must add — to be disrespectful — for whatever reason. We’ve heard and read, if not personally encountered those who bully others while hiding behind anonymity.
It’s been said that when you create a presence in cyberspace or engage in social media, expect to be bullied. It comes with the territory. One’s privacy is open for intrusion and invasion.
But I believe that it is still up to the individual creating such a presence in cyberspace, it’s up to me, to us, to define and enforce boundaries. Like I did with this reader-commenter-who-may-be-that-life-coach.
“Disrespect is a weapon of the weak.”
Those words from Alice Miller speak of much truth and wisdom.
The fact is, the bullies are the most afraid who use bullying as a defense. They have such an imbalanced and blocked solar plexus that they gauge their sense of power from how much they can make others feel inferior or less than them. Afraid of them. Clearly, merely a projection though.
It is, in fact, quite the opposite.
“Every act is either an act of love or a call for love.” ~ A Course In Miracles.
Last year, I healed much of my deep family and childhood wounds. I cleared much of the blocked and imbalanced energies, particularly in my relationship with my father. I had blogged extensively about it — how my father was such an angry man. Here’s part of what I wrote which is so apt to what I’m talking about now –
“All he knew and what he knew best was to take out his anger on people close to him — his spouse, his children, his siblings.
“‘An attack is really a call for love.’ There are only two emotions in life, and these are Love and Fear. People attack because they live in fear. See through the negative ego veil they are manifesting, and give them the unconditional love they are truly asking for.” ~ David Joshua Stone, Ph.D.
After all that I’ve shared about my father, and after all the seemingly unimaginable, unforgivable things that his personality self has done, or failed to do, one thing I know for sure is —
Underneath the rage is simply a severely hurting young boy, suffering a deeply rooted wound, crying out and asking for only one thing,
the exact same thing that all of us are asking for,
the very thing that the wounded inner child behind every angry adult is yearning for,
the one thing that a severely hurting and fearful child within each one of us is longing for,
something Dad didn’t know how to ask for.
And it is the same thing, the only thing that these cyber bullies and attackers, or anyone with disrespectful comments are asking for.
❤ ❤ ❤ LOVE ❤ ❤ ❤
So, when I encounter readers who attack me, or those whose comments are disrespectful and less than loving, regardless of the severity, and especially those who hide behind anonymity, I know that it is simply a call for love. A call from the bullies and attackers to be loved — and they, in all likelihood, do not even realize or know that.
It is a call for me to extend that love to them not simply by being understanding and compassionate, but by not perpetuating their disrespectful behavior. By not being their enabler — a role that I have played in my life for the longest time, and a role that I have no intention of reprising — not now, not ever.
It is a call for love for me to love myself by setting appropriate limits and allowing only loving, supportive and respectful people and energies in my life.
Our teachers indeed come in all forms. Some show us what we can emulate; Others show what not to follow.
This reader-commenter not only gave me the opportunity to practice self-assertion and boundary-setting. She also taught me how not to behave and conduct myself — in cyberspace or wherever else. She also gave me the opportunity to heed the call for love.
There. Now, I feel complete about this.
However — yup, there is a however….
I may be complete with this boundary-setting experience…
I may now be letting this go and putting it to rest…
This growth opportunity — alright, ranting exercise as well — may now form part of my treasure chest…
And this may now be the end of my blogging about this experience. Or not… 😉
But it certainly isn’t the end of my self-assertion and boundary-setting practice.
Just as it isn’t the end for me to respond to the call for love and the call to love — myself and others, bullies or not, in cyberspace or any other space.
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