A Reader’s Comment On My Post About Setting Boundaries Provided Me Precisely Just That — An Opportunity To Set Boundaries!

Have you had those moments when you felt, sensed, and intuited something that you so wanted to tell another — to offer your opinion and advice on something that you might be seeing that the other might not be able to?

Didn’t you think you knew — you thought you knew better than the other?

Didn’t you believe that you were simply helping and being of service? That you were simply following your intuition?

Oh, countless are the times when I’ve done that.

I’ve learned though that there’s such a thing as timing, timeliness, readiness and willingness.

I’ve learned that just because I feel or sense something doesn’t give me the right to automatically express it.

I’ve learned to be more sensitive to others’ feelings and situation.

I’ve learned that the worst vice is giving advice, especially unsolicited ones.

I’ve learned all these as part of healing, clearing and balancing my throat chakra.

I’ve also learned that offering my advice — especially when I’m not being asked — was my way of proving myself. I know better; I’m wiser; I’m more evolved. I’ve realized that it wasn’t truly the voice of my intuition, but my ego that was prodding me to offer my supposed words of wisdom.

I’ve learned that what I thought was my desire to help and be of service was, in truth, bordering on meddling.

I’ve also learned that not helping may, in fact, be even more effective as it doesn’t serve or benefit anyone to get in the way of another’s growth.

Of course, these are all my experiences and my realizations.

Oh, how I wish that the same realizations had dawned on the reader who “couldn’t help follow my intuition” with her comments on my post the other day. In all likelihood, she would have written a completely different response. Or not.

But I cannot and will not speak for her or anyone else.

However, I did choose to speak up for myself — admittedly though, not without moments of doubt and conflicted thoughts of whether or not to respond.

What do I say and how do I say it without offending her? (Isn’t it interesting? Here I am, the offended party, yet my thoughts are on how not to offend my offender! Traces of co-dependency…..)

Am I not ‘stooping down to her level’ when I send her a reply? Can I not simply delete her comment and place it/her under ‘spam?’ (Right Nadine — and avoid the issue and growth opportunity altogether until it shows up again in another form….)

My usual response when my rights are violated, when my boundaries are disrespected, is to keep mum. To avoid.

An habitual response resulting from an abusive childhood and home (including school) environment.

But it is an unhealthy pattern that I have been breaking. I’ve been adamant about it. Determined. Committed.

And I have been creating a new one.

So, rather than allow myself to be gagged by this reader’s offensive tone and approach, I chose to speak my truth. Yay! 🙂

I told her that I did not appreciate reading what she wrote which, as she said, ‘is totally off-base.’ I felt intruded and invaded. Disrespected. Violated.

It didn’t sit well with me because I had been clear in my post where I wrote,

“I am simply allowing myself to express…Ranting. Complaining. Whining…just for today, I will not attempt for any of these to make sense. I don’t want to. Just for today, I will allow myself to be in distress. I will not aim to be the bigger person or the Wise One who sees the bigger picture.”

I was quite specific with my post’s intention. And I had hoped and expected that such a stand and choice would be honored and respected.

Had I wanted suggestion or advice from the readers and followers, I most certainly would have written my post using a much different angle — I wouldn’t have hesitated at all. I have already done that in some of my previous posts. And I will continue to do the same in the future — when I feel like it, when I feel right about it, when I’m up for it, and when my situation calls for it.

Believe me, it was so tempting to say to her,

“Which of these wasn’t clear to you? How much more specific do I need to be in order to get my message across that all I wanted to do at this time and with this writing and sharing is to simply give myself the space and the permission to feel and to express? Nothing more, nothing else.”

But I chose to be the bigger person.

I told her only bits and pieces of what I’m writing in this post — only those that are appropriate. And as I told this reader, I can only respect her opinion.

I can also only trust that she holds the same respect for my opinion and my feelings — and to extend the same for my site and the parameters that I’m setting for it. And if she doesn’t, then ‘spam’ to the rescue it definitely shall be! 🙂

I kid you not, I so wanted to flavor my response with the energy of sarcasm. I wanted to tell her all that I’m writing here, particularly about my realizations on offering one’s opinion and advice. But that wouldn’t make my gesture any different from what she just did.

Oh, I so wanted to end my response to her with, “Sorry, I couldn’t resist offering my intuition…” — just as how she ended her comment! 😉

I wanted to ‘lighten up’ my response as I was concerned, afraid that she would be offended by it. I wanted to cushion the blow. (Yup…Co-dependency still lurking…)

But I realized that I would be diminishing the power of my message by doing that. In fact, that would be giving away my power to her.

It is really interesting — and I also shared this with this reader — I can’t help but chuckle at what just happened because my interaction with her clearly has been another opportunity for me to assert myself and enforce my boundaries — the very point and message of my post! 🙂

It is a major life lesson indeed. It has been so ‘in-my-face,’ especially of late, and it continues to show up from all directions, and in all shapes and forms!

If only for that, I cannot thank this reader enough for such an opportunity.

And my gift truly is, when I sent her my reply, I wasn’t only sending the message to her. I was declaring to the collective, to the Universe

I am allowing only loving, supportive, respectful and uplifting energies in my field!

And if only for that, I cannot thank the Universe enough. The Universe that truly never sleeps — always listening, always responding, always conspiring!

And always dancing with me, yeah! 😀

Whew! What a gift, and what a thanksgiving! 😀

# # #

Copyright © 2011-2014 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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11 Responses to A Reader’s Comment On My Post About Setting Boundaries Provided Me Precisely Just That — An Opportunity To Set Boundaries!

  1. Very insightful observations about giving advice, and how that is ego driven, Nadine MARIE. Thanks for the reminder.mj,

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  2. Hey there, NadineMarie. Chuckle indeed, eh? Oy. I read over the comment you were referring to and recognized that sort of ‘intuitive help’ that actually holds a good bit of misunderstanding or even assumptions that just aren’t correct. And you likely felt the energy that comes ‘between the words’, yes? I can remember back when I’d be on the receiving end of that and end up falling into defending myself rather than just saying, “Hmmm, yeah, that’s an incorrect assumption you’ve got there.” Took more years to be able to speak the boundaries. Good for you for doing that … in cyberspace it can be a ‘free for all’, and you’ve created a real cyber-conversation … complete with respectful boundary setting! 🙂 Love, Jamie

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aha! You sensed it too Jamie! 🙂 I’m not surprised though. And you are absolutely right. I felt exactly that energy. Argh! After I read her comment, I went from one end of the spectrum to the other after having just read yours! Seriously!!! 😀

      I’m not saying that she needs to be experiencing exactly what I’m going through — just as you have — in order for her to be compassionate and understanding of my situation. Again, just like you have been. No. Not at all. After all, no two individuals can ever have the exact experiences and situations — such is Life, and such is the journey of the human experience. Clearly though, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Let me correct that. She does. She knows what she’s talking about but it is from her perspective and lenses — not mine. So not my definition of empathy!

      Perhaps her being a ‘coach’ has gotten too much into her that she has been reading too much into other people’s situations, psychoanalyzing, overly psychoanalyzing them and quick to jump in and ‘coach’— ie, if my research is accurate that she is a life coach. It’s almost like auto-pilot.

      Anyways, your comment about cyberspace being a ‘free for all’ inspired me to write a post about it which I’m just finalizing as I’m writing this response. Thanks for the inspiration! 😉

      Oh yes Jamie, I can remember the time when I, like you, was defending myself. I allowed myself to be sucked into the energies of those presumptuous individuals! We certainly have come a long way, eh? From our then defensive to our now ‘I-don’t-owe-anyone-any-explanation-about-any-of-my-situation!’ Yeah to us Jamie! 🙂

      Thank you for your loving presence — as always! Blessed be Jamie! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  3. yogaleigh says:

    Oh I so relate. I’ve had so many comments that involved giving me unsolicited advice — some of which leaves me wondering if they even read my post. In the States (can’t vouch for elsewhere one way or the other) there’s a tendency to feel that if someone mentions a problem you have to try to fix it. Like you, I’ve learned that isn’t right speech and I try not to do it –won’t say I don’t sometimes fall into old habits. Sometimes I set a boundary with people who leave those comments, sometimes I just don’t respond to the comment or I reply with something noncommittal. And I try to remember that they may have grown up in this culture of “fixing” everybody’s problems. Glad to hear I’m not the only one who dances with this issue. Sounds like you handled this one very well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • “I’ve had so many comments that involved giving me unsolicited advice — some of which leaves me wondering if they even read my post.” Yes Leigh, there’s certainly a lot of that going on. I’ve read them also in your posts, and I’ve wondered that if such comments didn’t sit well with me, what more with you? Like you, there are those to whom I replied with something noncommittal and cordial. 😉 I guess each situation and interaction is different, and we can simply discern what to do with each one.

      And yes, I am not washing my hands clean. Like you, I too can sometimes still fall back in the old pattern. But I am so aware of it and I know that it isn’t a healthy habit. And I’m determined and committed to break it.

      “…tendency to feel that if someone mentions a problem you have to try to fix it.” Hmmmm…that’s an interesting point that you’re making. I don’t know if that holds true only in the US Leigh or if it’s a universal tendency to be a fixer/rescuer. After all, that is so Piscean/3D energy….you know, the savior/messianic/rescuer/fixer role…………

      As with Jamie, your comments inspired me to write a post that I’m just finalizing as I’m writing this, thank you! ❤

      And thank you for sharing your experiences and your own reflections. And yes, I handled this situation/commenter the best and most empowered way I could! Yeah to me! 😀

      Blessed be and 'talk' to you soon! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  4. Pingback: Respectful Boundary-Setting In Cyberspace & Any Other Space — Responding To A Call For Love | Aligning With Truth

  5. Bravo, kudos and YAY. Been there, done that!!! Processing in a similar fashion and arriving at a similar conclusion/action.
    Love Brenda

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Of Right Listening Instead Of Unsolicited Advising | Aligning With Truth

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