Have you had those moments when you felt, sensed, and intuited something that you so wanted to tell another — to offer your opinion and advice on something that you might be seeing that the other might not be able to?
Didn’t you think you knew — you thought you knew better than the other?
Didn’t you believe that you were simply helping and being of service? That you were simply following your intuition?
Oh, countless are the times when I’ve done that.
I’ve learned though that there’s such a thing as timing, timeliness, readiness and willingness.
I’ve learned that just because I feel or sense something doesn’t give me the right to automatically express it.
I’ve learned to be more sensitive to others’ feelings and situation.
I’ve learned that the worst vice is giving advice, especially unsolicited ones.
I’ve learned all these as part of healing, clearing and balancing my throat chakra.
I’ve also learned that offering my advice — especially when I’m not being asked — was my way of proving myself. I know better; I’m wiser; I’m more evolved. I’ve realized that it wasn’t truly the voice of my intuition, but my ego that was prodding me to offer my supposed words of wisdom.
I’ve learned that what I thought was my desire to help and be of service was, in truth, bordering on meddling.
I’ve also learned that not helping may, in fact, be even more effective as it doesn’t serve or benefit anyone to get in the way of another’s growth.
Of course, these are all my experiences and my realizations.
Oh, how I wish that the same realizations had dawned on the reader who “couldn’t help follow my intuition” with her comments on my post the other day. In all likelihood, she would have written a completely different response. Or not.
But I cannot and will not speak for her or anyone else.
However, I did choose to speak up for myself — admittedly though, not without moments of doubt and conflicted thoughts of whether or not to respond.
What do I say and how do I say it without offending her? (Isn’t it interesting? Here I am, the offended party, yet my thoughts are on how not to offend my offender! Traces of co-dependency…..)
Am I not ‘stooping down to her level’ when I send her a reply? Can I not simply delete her comment and place it/her under ‘spam?’ (Right Nadine — and avoid the issue and growth opportunity altogether until it shows up again in another form….)
My usual response when my rights are violated, when my boundaries are disrespected, is to keep mum. To avoid.
An habitual response resulting from an abusive childhood and home (including school) environment.
But it is an unhealthy pattern that I have been breaking. I’ve been adamant about it. Determined. Committed.
And I have been creating a new one.
So, rather than allow myself to be gagged by this reader’s offensive tone and approach, I chose to speak my truth. Yay! 🙂
I told her that I did not appreciate reading what she wrote which, as she said, ‘is totally off-base.’ I felt intruded and invaded. Disrespected. Violated.
It didn’t sit well with me because I had been clear in my post where I wrote,
“I am simply allowing myself to express…Ranting. Complaining. Whining…just for today, I will not attempt for any of these to make sense. I don’t want to. Just for today, I will allow myself to be in distress. I will not aim to be the bigger person or the Wise One who sees the bigger picture.”
I was quite specific with my post’s intention. And I had hoped and expected that such a stand and choice would be honored and respected.
Had I wanted suggestion or advice from the readers and followers, I most certainly would have written my post using a much different angle — I wouldn’t have hesitated at all. I have already done that in some of my previous posts. And I will continue to do the same in the future — when I feel like it, when I feel right about it, when I’m up for it, and when my situation calls for it.
Believe me, it was so tempting to say to her,
“Which of these wasn’t clear to you? How much more specific do I need to be in order to get my message across that all I wanted to do at this time and with this writing and sharing is to simply give myself the space and the permission to feel and to express? Nothing more, nothing else.”
But I chose to be the bigger person.
I told her only bits and pieces of what I’m writing in this post — only those that are appropriate. And as I told this reader, I can only respect her opinion.
I can also only trust that she holds the same respect for my opinion and my feelings — and to extend the same for my site and the parameters that I’m setting for it. And if she doesn’t, then ‘spam’ to the rescue it definitely shall be! 🙂
I kid you not, I so wanted to flavor my response with the energy of sarcasm. I wanted to tell her all that I’m writing here, particularly about my realizations on offering one’s opinion and advice. But that wouldn’t make my gesture any different from what she just did.
Oh, I so wanted to end my response to her with, “Sorry, I couldn’t resist offering my intuition…” — just as how she ended her comment! 😉
I wanted to ‘lighten up’ my response as I was concerned, afraid that she would be offended by it. I wanted to cushion the blow. (Yup…Co-dependency still lurking…)
But I realized that I would be diminishing the power of my message by doing that. In fact, that would be giving away my power to her.
It is really interesting — and I also shared this with this reader — I can’t help but chuckle at what just happened because my interaction with her clearly has been another opportunity for me to assert myself and enforce my boundaries — the very point and message of my post! 🙂
It is a major life lesson indeed. It has been so ‘in-my-face,’ especially of late, and it continues to show up from all directions, and in all shapes and forms!
If only for that, I cannot thank this reader enough for such an opportunity.
And my gift truly is, when I sent her my reply, I wasn’t only sending the message to her. I was declaring to the collective, to the Universe —
I am allowing only loving, supportive, respectful and uplifting energies in my field!
And if only for that, I cannot thank the Universe enough. The Universe that truly never sleeps — always listening, always responding, always conspiring!
And always dancing with me, yeah! 😀
Whew! What a gift, and what a thanksgiving! 😀
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