Setting Boundaries — Ranting. Complaining. Whining.

Image Source:

Image Source: ©2010-2014 Carlos Henrique Reinesch

Over and over again, I encounter my lesson of setting boundaries and asserting myself.

It had become even so much more pronounced when I returned to the Philippines, my country of origin, in 2010. It was after a four-year sojourn in Northern California where I had the best years of my life thus far.

One of the reasons  —  one of the many reasons — was I was so much free to be myself without anyone giving any malice to my behavior, especially my friendliness and being such a free spirit.

Yes, I am living now in the seaside, a ‘secret’ dream I’ve had since I was a young teenager.

Yes, I am in a swimmer’s paradise, creating my little witch house.

Yes, I am living a dream life, a life of my dreams — a life that many could only dream of living but not quite actually living it.

So, yes, I am not forgetting or overlooking that I have so much to be thankful for.

But I continue to face one of the most difficult — and annoying I will admit — challenges in living in this country.

The challenge?

Interacting with the average, typical Filipino — especially one who lives in the countryside — who has no concept of personal space and boundaries.

A couple of years ago, I wrote about this topic lengthily.

I have already said then that the gift, the growth opportunity for me is to be a master in self-assertion.

Image Source: ©2011-2014 Cristina Matei

Image Source: ©2011-2014 Cristina Matei

I would keep quiet when my boundaries are violated. It has been my pattern that is rooted in childhood abuse.

And so, interacting with my countrymen who are clueless about boundaries is an opportunity for me to strengthen my muscle of enforcing my boundaries.

Sometimes though, it can get really so frustrating — especially when it happens repeatedly.

Yes, I know that’s how lessons manifest until we truly master and embody them…. Whew! At times, I wonder, could there be any other ‘easier’ or ‘faster’ route? Will I ever get used to it? Will it get to the point that it will no longer affect me? Will there be an end to encountering such energies — as what’s been said about mastering our life lessons and soul growth opportunities?

Will it ever get to that point?

I don’t know. I sure hope it does, but who’s to tell? And I wish I can say that for sure. I wish I know that for sure.

But I don’t. I don’t know that for sure.

This post may sound like I’m ranting and complaining and whining. I’m not going to attempt to make a disclaimer. In fact, I’m giving myself permission to do precisely just that.

Rant. Complain. Whine.

Image Source: ©Dmitrii  Lezine

Image Source: ©Dmitrii Lezine

Times like now, I go back to when I was having the time of my life living in the Bay Area (San Francisco, Northern California). I experienced much freedom and joy in simply being who I am. No quizzical looks. No judgments. No nosiness.

Image Source:

Image Source: ©Brandy brandrificus

No one thought I was hitting on them — because I wasn’t.

No one assumed it was an invitation to ‘come closer’ —  because it wasn’t.

No one responded thinking or believing that we’re suddenly, instantly, best friends — because we weren’t.

No one misinterpreted my friendliness and openness.

No one found any of my choices and my ways ‘strange’ or ‘weird.’

No one gave any other meaning — especially malicious ones — to my actions.

So not my situation in the Philippines right now — especially as I said, in the rural areas and specifically with the average Filipino, the ‘less educated’ ones.

I may sound and come across as discriminatory or feeling superior with that statement, but I am simply stating the obvious and the culture in this country. A fact. A truth.

If you’re a Filipino (and if you’re not the average one), you know exactly what I’m talking about. You’d be nodding your head in total agreement and compassionate understanding for my dilemma — just as what I have received, thankfully, from those who know and have also experienced such a challenge.  And if you’re not a Filipino, please just trust me on this one.

Have you ever considered going back [to the US]?”, the other half of the couple who owns the resort where I’m staying and living in joy, responded with much compassion and a genuine understanding for my dilemma. She’s one loving soul who is helping me maintain my sanity about matters such as what I’m now going through, particularly in my immediate surrounding. What a gift — bless her heart — for being in my midst!

And I certainly have thought about it — often. I’ve dreamed about it. Fantasized. At times, maybe even obsessed about it — about being back in California, especially during such frustrating moments like now.

Why am I not going back? Why have I not gone back to the US, especially to reside there again?

Two reasons. The same reasons why I left and returned to the Philippines.

I am not a US citizen.

And I cannot afford it — not anymore, particularly the Bay Area. Especially without having the need to go back to work and have a regular job — which I don’t see myself doing — just in order to pay the bills!

I’ve been consistent with my response — if citizenship and affordability were not an issue, I most certainly would be out of here and back in Northern California! Of course, the beach is what I’d be most missing. It was the only thing that I missed in the Philippines when I was living in joy in the Bay Area.

So, what do I make of all these?


Nothing for now, at least. Nothing for now, I hope.

Perhaps someday, all these would make sense. One day…maybe. Hopefully.

But just for today, I will not attempt for any of these to make sense. I don’t want to.

Just for today, I will allow myself to be in distress.

I will not aim to be the bigger person or the Wise One who sees the bigger picture.

I will simply be a frustrated and disgruntled resident of this country, constantly setting boundaries.

And Ranting. Complaining. Whining.

Even just for today.

# # #

Copyright © 2011-2014 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth


About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Brightest & Magical Blessings!!! Om Shanti. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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6 Responses to Setting Boundaries — Ranting. Complaining. Whining.

  1. Sounds a bit familiar to me, too, NadineMarie; I miss San Francisco, too (lived there for many years before returning to the other side of the U.S. and the region where my family are and generations of ancestors lived). I suspect a part of me still IS in San Francisco! And there really are challenges with following the call and wrangling with the challenges of different place and culture. Here’s to that journey. 😉 Blessings, Jamie


    • Oh Jamie, thank you for your show of support, empathy and compassion. ❤ I may not be back in California, but knowing I'm in good company, very good company certainly helps ease the challenge. 🙂 There's actually a handful of us here in blogosphere/Wordpress community with the same dilemma….

      As I read your comment, I quickly checked in if, like you, might part of me be in San Francisco still? Hmmmm…. Just a couple of months after I arrived in the Philippines in 2010, I consulted with a therapist, and she asked me if I had already grieved over the 'end' of such a chapter. I remember blogging about 'grieving' a couple of months or so ago. And the 'loss' of such a life, I realized, is something I hadn't properly grieved over. Not yet. Maybe even to this day….And just like my "ranting, complaining and whining," I will simply allow myself to be in such a state.

      Yes Jamie, here's to this journey! 🙂 And here's to us for following the call, for trusting, believing, knowing we are where we need to be — all the time — even if, despite, or even because of the challenges that we face! Yeah to us! 😀

      Thanks for your love Jamie, as always…Blessed be. ❤ ❤ ❤


  2. Annie says:

    Good on ya for giving yourself permission to “feel” your feelings. That takes guts and self love.
    As I read your post, something struck me. Sounds like you’re feeling victimized by not being able to return to the USA. Somehow, things like citizenship and money have power over you, yes? So……maybe the deeper lesson here is around feeling trapped, victimized, etc?? ie. how are you a “victim” in your life? Useful exploration perhaps?
    Sorry if this is totally off-base. I couldn’t resist offering my intuition.


    • Thank you for your opinion Annie which I can only respect. However, none of it resonates with me.

      I also did not appreciate reading what you wrote which, as you said, ‘is totally off-base.’ I felt intruded and invaded Annie. It didn’t sit well with me because I had been clear in my post. I wrote,

      “I am simply allowing myself to express…Ranting. Complaining. Whining…just for today, I will not attempt for any of these to make sense. I don’t want to. Just for today, I will allow myself to be in distress. I will not aim to be the bigger person or the Wise One who sees the bigger picture.”

      I believe I was quite specific with my post’s intention, and I had hoped and expected that such a stand and choice would be honored and respected.

      Had I wanted suggestion or advice from the readers and followers, I most certainly would have written this post using a much different tone and approach — I wouldn’t have hesitated at all. In fact, I have done so in some of my previous posts, and I will continue to do the same in the future — when I feel like it, when I feel right about it, when I’m up for it, and when my situation calls for it.

      But as I said, I can only respect your opinion. I also trust that you will extend the same respect for my opinion and my feelings, as well as for my site and the parameters that I’m setting for it.

      I also can’t help but chuckle at what just happened because this interaction clearly has been another opportunity for me to assert myself and enforce my boundaries — the very point and message of this post! 🙂 As I said, it is a life lesson, it has been so ‘in-my-face’ especially of late, and it continues to show up from all directions, and in all shapes and forms!

      If only for that, I cannot thank you enough for such an opportunity. Blessed be!

      ❤ ❤ ❤ NadineMarie ❤ ❤ ❤


  3. Pingback: A Reader’s Comment On My Post About Setting Boundaries Provided Me Precisely Just That — An Opportunity To Set Boundaries! | Aligning With Truth

  4. Pingback: Respectful Boundary-Setting In Cyberspace & Any Other Space — Responding To A Call For Love | Aligning With Truth

🌛🙏💖🌟🌞Would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and wisdom!!!🌞🌟💞🙏🌜

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