I have let go of a lot in my life. I have released people and relationships, beliefs and programs, situations and places — those that were no longer serving me and were not in alignment with the who and the what that I AM now.
And it is becoming evident that it is a never-ending process. Continuous clearing and cleansing. Constant aligning and re-calibrating. On-going integrating and synergizing.
In 2013, without intending to — not consciously, at least — I went into deep introspection and deep cleaning up and clearing. And I mean, deeeeep.
I thought that I have already done a sufficient amount of inner work in years past. I thought I have already released a lot in my life.
2013 though brought me to a place I’ve never been to before. A place I hadn’t imagined existed. Deep. Dark. Scary — to a certain degree. And yes, painful. Excruciatingly painful. Much of the energies were ushered in by the pivotal Chiron Return phase that I was going through.
There was a lot of pain remembering and recalling events and situations, plus the accompanying emotions that I felt then, and the decisions that I made because of such situations. I was in deep emotional pain. I experienced a lot of aches and pains in my physical body — the ascension-related flu, dizziness, nausea, cough and colds, back aches, shoulder pain, stomach gas, fatigue — those that many of us have experienced and may still be experiencing.
I was feeling so much pain in my physical body that, during the first half of the year, I was receiving a massage every other day — including the local Filipino traditional healing modality, hilot (/hee-lot/)! And that still left me wanting for more!
I also attributed my physical illness to the two islands where I lived — Camiguin and Siquijor. I concluded that there was a misalignment in the energies which caused me my illness. All right, blamed. I blamed the islands.
The irony is, the islands, reputed for their magic and mysticism plus Filipino shamans (particularly in the island of Siquijor), provided the healing environment for me to dig deep and release all those limiting and disempowering thoughts and emotions. The anger and resentments, unforgiveness and bitterness, judgments, blame, confusion and illusion, and all that jazz!
For a moment, I even thought that I may be overdoing it. Overdoing revisiting the past. I questioned my own process and experience, which I wrote about here.
However, I realized it was an inevitable and essential part of my journey — paying closer attention to my little Nadine, my inner child, coupled with intense chakra balancing work, which felt like I went through a DNA re-patterning (and I probably did — without paying the enormous amount that many practitioners charge that I find unreasonable and insane!)
2014 – Yet Another Year Of Letting Go
And here I am, once again, going through a similar phase.
No, I am not experiencing the physical dis-ease that I did last year, thankfully! But I am once again identifying what I need to let go of that are in my possession still — be it material stuff, people and relationships, beliefs and programs, dreams and wishes — those which are no longer serving me. I’m doing another intense life review.
This time, the focus is in the area of money and wealth, prosperity and abundance vis-a-vis living simply. This is also tied to my life work and mission and my dream of a healing center. And all these are likewise related to my process of manifesting and co-creating my geographical island home.
Wait a minute.
Come to think of it, isn’t everything interconnected and interrelated anyway? Isn’t one aspect of our life affecting and impacting the rest? When we decide about what to do in one area, when we let go or augment, do we not also consider other areas before we make such a decision (or at least, we’re supposed to)? Isn’t it a concomitant process?
But I digress…Back to my letting go phase.
Have I not let go of enough already? Might it be that I have not truly and completely let go, hence, the need to let go — again and some more? If I hadn’t fully let go, might I have simply given up and not really made peace with it not being in my life anymore?
To give up yet not let go. Can I give up without letting go? Is there a difference? How do I release fully? How do I know that I have truly, fully and completely let go and not merely given up? What is the difference?
Hmmm…Yet something to reflect upon. And I’m sure, more will be revealed and cleared away as I go deeper and inquire further.
- What happened in 2013? And what will 2014 bring? (http://visionarygoddess.com.au/)
- Aligning With Living Simply and Letting Go
- Chiron Return: A Most Meaningful Rite of Passage
- Revisiting the Past: Snake Medicine (Part 3)
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