I have a tendency to be hard on myself. Too hard. If I’m not able to catch myself, soon, I will find myself in a whirlpool of negative energy — all of which are of no use except to trap me into victim consciousness.
I am finding myself in such a situation. Thankfully, even before my doubts and worries consume me unnecessarily, I’m able to snap myself out of it. I’m able to jolt myself out of the spell under which fear almost succeeded in placing me. I manage to muster enough courage and tap into my reserve of inner strength. My fear is making me face my fear!
Why did you not pay enough attention to your finances? Why did you lend the money to all those people, knowing fully well that they were incapable of ever paying you back nor did they have any intention to, or even both? Why did you not think of your future and save for a rainy day? Why did you spend your money so unwisely and carelessly?
Ahhh…The Voice. That voice. That oh, so familiar voice. I’ve heard that one before. The voice echoing in the darkest alleys in my psyche, reverberating from that corner room down the hall — a sign on the door that says, “Victim.” That voice of my Inner Critic screaming, ever so loudly, to be acknowledged.
And I’m giving that voice what it needs. I’m giving it enough space and time to express itself, to be heard, with compassion — for it to eventually be tamed and silenced.
Hey, I enjoyed the fruits of my labor. I was rewarded for my efforts. I simply allowed myself to bathe in the energies of what I was gifted. I gave myself permission to treat myself. What’s up with that?
Money allowed me to purchase things and spend on activities that gave me pleasure and enjoyment. It was my prize. I simply permitted myself to feel and to experience being rewarded and pampered. I deserved to be.
Sure, I probably may have overdone some of it — not all of it or not all the time, most certainly. I may have splurged quite a bit mindlessly.
Yet, I did what I did because it was the best I knew how, given what I knew then, and given my level of awareness and consciousness. Don’t we all — do the best we know how?
That’s not a justification or excuse. It simply is. It is the truth. It is my truth.
And as I said in my earlier post, I’ve realized though that a lavish lifestyle isn’t the answer to what it is that truly gives an individual joy and fulfillment — not me, at least.
I’m not saying that I’m not grateful for the financial blessings showered upon me from my several years of corporate stint. Such blessings, after all, were the result of my dedication to my work and career. My passion — then.
So, who am I to complain? Why am I grumbling? What is there to complain about? What is there to feel guilty about?
Shame, blame, guilt — they only serve to lower my vibrational frequency. To drown me in negativity and to disempower me.
Shame, blame, guilt begone!
Thankfully, I’m realizing, and I’m reminding myself that, I simply need to be grateful for the experience. (Knock, knock. Inner Critic, are you listening?) I need to be joyfully thankful for having been blessed with the financial resources that allowed me to experience pleasure, joy, fulfillment — at the time when my definition of what’s joyful and fulfilling were satisfied by the material world.
A world that no longer lures me.
And I may no longer be charmed, thankfully, by the world of consumerism and materialism, but such a world, certainly, has been a significant part of my journey.
The chapter in my history that I’m labelling as “extravagant and mindless spending” is an episode in my life that provided me the opportunities to experience living as an earthly being in a material world.
No need to judge it as “right” or “wrong.” That chapter, as with anything and everything, has a purpose. That chapter had a purpose which has been rightfully served.
And it continues to serve a purpose now — now, as I’m reviewing my beliefs and programs, my choices and concepts, my values and principles around money and wealth, prosperity and abundance, and aligning them with my vision and mission, my purpose and intention.
And all these are coming up as I evaluate my living situation and options here at Sugar Beach, and as I go through my process of manifesting and co-creating my geographical island home on Earth.
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