I’ll be lying if I say that I have transcended my fear-based 3D level of consciousness that nothing now fazes me.
Not knowing this woman’s exact psychological condition and state of [mental and emotional] health has certainly caused me to worry, albeit briefly.
My fear, though not completely unfounded, thankfully, quickly dissipated.
I still don’t know her story though — at least, not the complete or accurate one. I guess, only she truly does — her soul, that is.
Anyhow, I did find out a little bit more — enough for me to make an informed decision about my living situation.
Rather than spin around and be driven [further] by my fear (real or imagined), I’m choosing to take back my power. I’m not giving any more of it, unnecessarily, to her or to her situation.
The lack of integration, the brokenness, the fragmentation of the different parts of her being, the imbalanced state of the various aspects of her self — these are what’s behind her “inappropriate, disturbing, less than normal” behavior and actions. Those that made me feel irritated and frustrated, fearful and worried.
Don’t take things personally — They’re merely projections
I’m reminding myself to not take anything personally. (A review of Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements will probably come in handy now….)
Projections — we’ve all done that (and may still be doing); Others have also done that to us (and may likewise still be doing). Such is the human interaction — especially when done unconsciously and only at the personality level, more so when fragmented.
Regardless how unconscious or unintentional her actions are, and even if her self-worth issues may be the cause, or the effect, (or both) of her state of health (at whatever level), I’m not letting her pass on to me any of her unresolved issues. (Yup, it is yet another exercise on enforcing boundaries, my life-long lesson.)
I’m done being a basket case. No more of the “But-that’s-because-of-his-aneurysm” justification that was once hurled at me by my family of origin, when my brother was taking out his anger and frustration on me. (I did say in my previous post that this situation is bringing up my issues and stuff with my family, remember?)
What are the gifts?
I’m choosing to focus on the growth opportunity that’s being presented — the opportunity to embody compassion — with or without the full knowledge of her story. Compassion, I’m reminding myself, and not pity.
At the same time, I’m approaching the situation with widely open eyes; I’m moving along without mufflers over my ears. I certainly am not going to be the one in denial. Not again. Not anymore.
I AM acknowledging my fear, but I am not allowing it to overcome me.
My fear does not have a license to be behind the wheel. And, even if there are empty passenger seats, I’m not allowing fear to occupy any of it.
Caution. A healthy dose of caution. That’s what I’m practicing — without succumbing to the gripping energies of paranoia and hypnotizing effects of fear.
And I’m extending compassion, not only to her, but to myself, as well. I’m strengthening my ability to care for the other while I look after myself — another opportunity to hone my skill of defining and enforcing my boundaries — without the guilt, shame, blame or fear.
I’m taking a step closer to embodying Christ consciousness. It sure isn’t an easy step, but certainly an essential one in my process of self-mastery — thanks to this woman and her story, whatever it turns out to be — and whether or not I do end up learning about it in its entirety.
- Fearing What I Don’t Know
- Dysfunctional Behavior – When Is It Allowable or Acceptable?
- “That’s because of his aneurysm!” — The Beginning Of the End of My Caretaking Days and Rescuer Role
- Loving Myself: My Caretaking Days Are Over
- Sugar Beach: A Swimmer’s Tropical Island Paradise
- Remembering My Shadow
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