I’m not really privy into what, medically speaking, is her exact mental health or psychological condition. But it is quite clear that she has an unhealed, deep-seated wound. It is stemming from childhood — in all likelihood, and in my opinion. It is what’s causing her erratic, disconcerting behavior.
My interactions with her, my observations, and, admittedly, my judgments — initially, at least — about her “not quite normal” or “unhealthy, unstable” psychological state, brought up my own family related issues once again. The similarity and familiarity in the energies and family dynamics — I simply cannot ignore them. And I know, they’re coming up for clearing and healing.
Denial. Betrayal. Manipulation. Deception. Lies. Shame. Family secrets being concealed.
The same theme, which started in December 2013 when I first set foot here in Sipalay, continues to play out. The breaking and healing of such a dysfunctional pattern is giving way to a new, empowered one.
My discovery, the confirmation of my hunches, the validation of my observations about this woman’s dysfunctional behavior — all these made me revisit the story of my aunt, Tita Lola, who also had a mental health condition. It is a story that I revisited last year. It is a story that I wrote about extensively. And it brought about deep healing and cleansing.
Yet, as I re-read my posts, I realized I had not actually “concluded” my story. Perhaps because it wasn’t, isn’t truly finished yet. Perhaps I hadn’t really found closure yet.
And I guess my recent discovery about this woman’s psychological condition is paving the way for my completion of my story with my aunt — perhaps also, to pave the way for yet one more layer of peeling and clearing of my childhood and family wounding.
What is the growth opportunity in such a story? Why do souls choose mental illness as a soul path? What is the soul to gain? What about the loved ones, family and friends — what are they [we] to learn? How can we grow from such challenging experiences?
It isn’t easy to be around someone who is mentally or psychologically challenged. Actually, that’s an understatement. Anyone who has a health issue (physical, mental, emotional, psychological) is a channel for growth for those around them — be it the ones personally taking care of them or those simply interacting with them. I’m sure, anybody who has experienced caring for, or being around someone with a health challenge, can relate and attest to that.
Of course, boundary-setting is one skill that’s being honed and called for by the situation — a skill that I continue to master. A major lesson that I signed up for in this lifetime.
How much assistance, time, energy, support, love, care, understanding, kindness, compassion does one extend?
When is enough care given and extended to the person who has a health challenge? Where does one draw the line when enough is enough?
How does one extend love and compassion without losing one’s self, without losing one’s patience or own sanity — most especially so in my current situation with this woman?
How does one keep centered and grounded in one’s own energies, especially when there is a tendency for such challenged individuals to become energy vampires?
These individuals, without knowing it, without realizing it, without meaning or intending to, take energies from other people. It is one of the effects of them not having been able to properly attend to their wounds and issues. It is their way of coping and compensating for their inability to properly manage and run their own energies.
And I’m reminding myself this —
A word or a deed may be unintentional. It may be unconsciously expressed. It may be due to the person’s lack of awareness, or even lack of abilities, mental or otherwise.
But that doesn’t make it less inappropriate or more allowable or more acceptable.
Our wounds (no matter how deep) and our painful experiences (no matter how traumatic or tragic) — they are not our tickets that grant us the permission or the right to harm others, regardless if they’re unintentional.
There may be a story underneath someone’s wounds. There may be a cause attributed to one’s issues. There may be an explanation for an individual’s pain. There may be a reason behind a dysfunctional behavior.
But there cannot be, in my opinion, any excuse or justification.
No story, cause, explanation or reason makes a dysfunctional behavior, more so when it’s abusive, less inappropriate or more allowable or more acceptable.
- Childish and Childlike Was My Aunt – In Memory of Tita Lola, Part 1
- Choosing My Battles
- What is an Energy Vampire? by Judith Orloff, MD
- Setting Boundaries – Protecting Self by Robert Burney
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