Drinking from morning till the following morning. Such toxic activity takes place here at Sugar Beach — much to my dismay. (Well, at least, in only one of the eleven resorts — the rest are “more wholesome,” thankfully!)
Of course, now, I find such a scenery disgusting and quite unappealing.
But, back in the day, my heyday, during my workaholic-cum-alcoholic days, I would be so dismayed, so, so dismayed if I were in the beach and there was no beer! 🙂 Oh, me and my unawakened days! 🙂
So, do I now have any right to be appalled by those who don’t have anything else to do except drink the day and night away? Probably not — especially since I’ve been there myself.
Perhaps I’m actually being given the opportunity to extend understanding and compassion — instead of coming from a place of judgment and discrimination. To observe. To simply watch, yet see and look beyond the façade (because that’s truly what it is — a mask, an escape). Not easy to simply be a witness but I’m taking steps towards it. Another one of my numerous lessons and opportunities to grow and evolve.
I’m realizing, maybe, I haven’t completely forgiven myself for having abused my physical body, for having allowed such unimaginable amount of alcohol to flow through my bloodstream. Maybe that’s why I feel an emotional charge, still, when I see such a familiar scene. I’m quick to judge — could there be something that’s being triggered?
Maybe, it isn’t only my heavy drinking per se that’s in need of forgiveness. Maybe it’s also the people and situations associated with it, along with all the choices and decisions I’ve made because of it, as a result of my drinking.
And yet, maybe, I’m also being reminded to not be too hard on myself for having made such unwise and unhealthy choices — be it the drinking or all others related to it. Maybe, the understanding and compassion that’s being asked of me, is truly for myself, more so than for others.
And then again, am I simply being reminded of how far I’ve come along in my journey of healing and transformation? That I ought to focus on myself, and let others be and leave them to their journey?
To let me be is a biggie for me. Do unto others what you want others to do unto you. So, I ought to let them be, just as I want others to let me be, right?
I tremendously enjoyed drinking. It was fun! So, so much fun! 🙂
Anyone who drinks — heavily or not — knows what I’m talking about.
Drinking brought me a lot of pleasure — back then — with my level of awareness and consciousness then, and my definition of fun and pleasure then.
So, perhaps, rather than have any regrets, guilt or shame attached to such experiences in my past, I can instead be thankful, find comfort and even celebrate that my excessive drinking days are now over! Long over! And that, despite having lived such an unhealthy and imbalanced life, I had managed to pull myself together, bravely and boldly taking a 180-degree turn — and coming out renewed, transformed and so much wiser! Not to mention, healthier.
And again, without sounding condescending or judgmental, perhaps when such an all-too-familiar scenery as excessive drinking at Sugar Beach (or anywhere else for that matter) is shown to me, I can consciously choose to be neutral about it. I can simply look or walk by and walk away — without any emotional charge. No cringing. No feeling of superiority. Only neutrality and letting be.
And if I’d have any reaction or response to such a scenery, it’ll only be to offer a prayer of thanks that my excessive drinking days now form part of my been-there-done-that list — a growing list, I might add. A prayer of thanks for how far along I have come in my journey — because I certainly have come an unbelievably, incredibly long, long way!
Now, I’ll drink to that! 😉
- Immensely Enjoying Swimming
- Sugar Beach: A Swimmer’s Tropical Island Paradise
- Only A Few Filipinos And No Karaoke — Yay!!!
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