There are battles we choose to face head-on. There are, for whatever reason, from which we opt to walk away.
I have chosen many a battle to walk away from — thinking, believing, it was the “better” option. Not worth my time and energy, so says the Voice of Wisdom.
Or so I thought.
Or so I wanted to believe.
Sure, there certainly are battles not worth pursuing. But I’ve realized that some of those battles which I’ve “wisely” chosen to walk away from, were in fact battles from which I was merely running away. I was avoiding. I hesitated to engage and participate. I didn’t want to face my fears. I was afraid to confront my inner demons. I was hiding behind the shadow of fear which prevented me from receiving the gift of learning and growing.
Thankfully, the Universe is not a punishing Universe.
Sure, I may have missed some opportunities. Maybe even many. I may have had my fair share of chances gone by.
But, not only does the Universe not punish me for having ”failed” to use such opportunities, numerous or not, to master a lesson. The Universe is ever-generous, presenting me with yet second, third, fourth, nth chances. The Universe is also ever-patient, not quite like me, thankfully 🙂 , waiting for when I am ready to take the plunge and accept the invitation to grow and evolve.
Such opportunity is presenting itself. A huge opportunity for a major life-long lesson. For yet one more time, 12 years after.
In Jennifer Hoffman’s Facebook page, a section of one of her recent posts reads,
“We also have a Jupiter/Pluto opposition on Friday [January 31]. The last time this happened was in Sept. 2000 and March 2001. Jupiter was in Gemini then, Pluto in Sagittarius. Now Jupiter is in Cancer and Pluto in Capricorn, it’s the 2nd of 3 oppositions, the next one is in April (April is going to be a very busy month astrologically). Once again, we have a theme that is repeating from 12 years ago, what were you doing then and is that coming up for you now?”
And a theme from 12 years ago is indeed recurring for me big time!
Same theme; Same lesson. Different players but same energies. The dynamics and circumstances are eerily so similar and familiar! And it’s money-related. Again!
Deception. Lies. Manipulation. Betrayal. Huge, huge lessons on Trust & Discernment. Whew!
It’s like I’m transported back in time to 2002/2003. Deja vu. This already happened to me then. And it certainly is happening again, for me to get it — at a much deeper level.
What will make the difference now, and which is my opportunity for growth is, how am I now responding? Am I responding or just reacting? How am I handling the situation? Am I able to keep centered and grounded, or am I spinning and running around like a headless chicken, like I did 12 years ago? Am I allowing fear to take the driver’s seat, making me walk away, run away, again?
Or, have I, 12 years after, become more courageous, determined and willing to head out into the battlefield? And why am I choosing this battle? What’s my motivation and intention?
12 years ago, the situation involved an obscene amount of money! Unbelievable and unimaginable! To this day, I cringe when I think about it.
Today, what’s involved is such a minuscule amount of money that one can quickly dismiss it as not worth anyone’s time, energy and effort. Not to mention the stress.
But, and here’s the huge but.
12 years ago, my motivation was focused primarily on getting back the money that I loaned. How could I be so stupid to have trusted this individual and parted with such an amount so quickly? What was I thinking? Was I even thinking? I so wanted to redeem myself. I wanted to prove that I did not make a mistake in trusting the person.
This time, I can easily let go of the money involved, considering the amount. I’m not going to be impacted at all if I’m not able to get the money back. No, I didn’t loan it. It has something to do with my traveling. I agreed to an arrangement and the terms because I was desperate and didn’t have any other place to stay or go to. And one can easily say that the amount involved is ridiculously small that it’s not worth anyone’s time and energy to pursue getting back.
But the money involved and surrounding circumstances are simply instruments in bringing out the Truth in this whole situation, the people and organizations involved — the true colors, true characters, true motives and hidden agenda, the truth in the operations and management and what’s lacking and what needs to be improved and rectified — not only in the individual and resort that I trusted, but more interestingly, in the local city (Sipalay) and even provincial government, and maybe even national government. So the impact and the effect of what’s being revealed is so huge in proportion to the negligible amount of money involved.
And I am choosing this battle primarily because it is an opportunity for me to master my lesson of self-assertion. My rights have been clearly, hugely violated. And I am not simply going to keep mum, just as I did during my childhood, and even in my adult life.
And as I choose this battle and participate in this ongoing saga, I am being given numerous opportunities to master trusting and discerning. Trusting myself, my intuition and inner voice, more than any other, and ultimately be led and guided by it, and by no other. Discern the true motives and intentions — not only mine but also, and especially more so, those of others.
The difference also is I’m viewing the situation and my truly horrendous experiences through a different set of lenses. (I had a major breakthrough around this subject which I posted here.)
The unfair treatment, unimaginable actions, and inexplicable behaviors of the people involved, those who are driven by their insatiable thirst for material wealth and monetary gains —- greed in a nutshell. These individuals are clearly operating at the personality level.
When I view and respond to it at the personality level, when I match their low-vibrating energies and 3D consciousness, it’ll only be a power struggle. I am still of the Old Earth. There will be no growth.
But when I view it at the soul level and respond accordingly, my anger is still there, undoubtedly, but I am now able to transcend it. My anger is in fact necessary to fuel me to pursue the matter, to claim what’s rightfully mine, to fight for my rights which have been gravely violated.
And I can practice being at peace in the midst of chaos. Not easy and I hardly succeed. But that’s one of my lessons.
A counselor I consulted reminded me, “There can be peace even in pain.” Wise words indeed.
So I’m even grateful for all these really challenging and stressful experiences because I am given the opportunity to evolve. I am able to see that we all are merely playing our roles in this “drama.” We’re simply fulfilling our spiritual contracts. Cosmic and karmic forces indeed are at play, again, and as always.
The most fulfilling part of this experience is, as I am mastering my lesson of self-assertion, as I am Aligning With Truth, I am fulfilling my mission of being a TruthBarer. I am being used as an instrument to reveal simply the Truth. The Truth in me and the Truth in others.
And as I’m writing this, more is being revealed. And more, for sure, is going to be revealed.
If only for that, why will I choose to walk away? How can I not pick this battle?
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