A word I so want to be erased from the dictionary. Even if the doctors dismiss my “finding,” I hold on to the truth, my truth, my reality. The reality of what I experienced. I am not going to let anyone take away from me the truthfulness, the validity of my experience. Even if they’re the so-called experts and authority in the field of science and medicine, which, don’t get me wrong, I have so much high regard and respect for.
But they’re not infallible. No one is. And especially even if we’re talking Stanford, one of the leading U.S. hospitals in neurosurgery.
Since that controversial “reflex” moment, my brother repeatedly shows signs that he is well on his way to recovery. Consistently. It is our family’s daily dose of miracles.
The doctors’ prognosis goes from “not making it,” to “making it but will be a vegetable,” to “surviving but with major disabilities especially memory loss,” “confined to a wheelchair,” etc.
My standard response to every prognosis? “God’s will.”
None of it comes true. N O N E.
It gets to the point that, after I ask for the latest prognosis, Dr. John Sinclair, one of the neurosurgeons who assisted during the surgery, responds with, “Nadine, we don’t want to give you any more diagnosis because in the end, you’re going to prove us wrong again.”
Puffing out my chest, keeping my shoulders back, holding a straight posture and exposing my neck, I give off a radiant smile. A smile of content and gratitude. A smile, admittedly, tinged with a little sarcasm and partly vindication.
My hurt little Nadine so wants to anchor her hands on the waist, hold her chin up high, raise her eyebrows, and brag, “I told you so!” 🙂
But I stop myself, and I stop asking for any more prognosis.
I simply know there’s only one way for my brother to go — up and about and get better.
Coming from a Stanford surgeon though, that response is quite revealing. And truly humbling.
And I am finding contentment knowing that, regardless of what these medical experts explicitly say, believe or admit, my brother’s survival and healing may well be seen as miraculous indeed. He may as well be considered a “walking and living miracle.”
They can have all the explanations they can think of, as to why and how my brother survived and recovered.
I believe in miracles. I know a miracle when I see one.
After all, like my brother, I too am an embodiment of miraculous healing and recovery.
* * * * *
This is the second part of my series of reflections on my caregiving experience which took place 10 years ago at around this time. My brother had ruptured aneurysm due to drug abuse. He was in a comatose state for a number of weeks. I became his full-time caregiver. An experience I cannot forget. An experience I have no intention of erasing from my memory.
Now, each time I look back at my experience, despite all the hurt, the pain, and the family drama and my eventual estrangement from my family, I’m filled with much gratitude and appreciation for all that I’ve learned and all the growth opportunities that were presented.
Being my brother’s caregiver is one of the major turning points in my life. I experienced so much joy and fulfillment that it made me finally embrace the healing arts, not simply as a lifestyle but as the next field and career to pursue. A calling that I had been ignoring and dismissing for a few years prior to my caregiving experience. I was and am no longer the reluctant healer transitioning from a corporate executive.
Today, I am dedicating my life to healing. Healing through writing. Writing for the purpose of healing.
I am carrying out my mission and contributing to the planetary and humanity’s ascension through writing and blogging, through my beingness and living my light.
When I write and blog for the purpose of healing, I heal not only myself. Every written word, the energy behind it reverberates through blogosphere, the atmosphere, biosphere, noosphere. Every written word impacts and affects the collective, those who are in need of it and the energy that the message carries.
Through this blog site, I am able to be a change agent assisting in the transformation of the consciousness and evolution of humanity and our planet, a channel through which healing and growth may take place.
I’m now doing what brings me joy, and what brings joy to others — healing through writing and blogging. Thanks, in part, to my caregiving experience.
- It Isn’t Just Reflex; It Is My Brother’s Response, Dammit! – Reflections On My Caregiving Experience
- Aligning With Truth Turns Two!
- “That’s because of his aneurysm!” — The Beginning Of the End Of My Caretaking Days and Rescuer Role
- I Am So Over My Caretaking Days
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