If you’ve been following this site for several months now, you may have already read about the pivotal astrological Chiron Return phase that I’m going through.
Chiron Return is the time when Chiron goes back to its original position in our natal chart. We wrap up the issues related to our core wound, and determine how healing from the wound can help others. In my natal chart, Chiron is in my fourth house — the house associated with our roots and origins, home base, family in general, childhood upbringing and the environment we were raised in, father image and relationship to the real father.
Without intending or meaning to, and definitely without planning to, this year has turned out to be a year of life review. Intense review. And I mean, inteeeeense — especially in the areas where Chiron is positioned in my natal chart. Returning to my past and everything and everyone associated and connected with it, is being ushered in by nothing else but the energies of my Chiron Return — energies that cannot be simply ignored.
Healing – My life’s central theme and motivation
Ever since I had an awakening in 1998 brought about by an illness, healing, particularly of myself, has become the central theme and motivation in my life. It has become even so much more pronounced in recent years, especially after I returned to the Philippines, my country of origin.
I was so excited when I left Northern California in 2010. I figured it all out. Or so I thought.
I felt that the next step in my journey was to take my healing work out into the world. The next most logical step was to set up my healing practice in the Philippines.
Yet, I faced one block after another. Still, I was so determined. I had one goal and only one goal — to set up my practice.
I am on a mission; I am simply being tested. I kept assuring myself. I held on strongly to my false belief. Hey, my sun sign wouldn’t be in Taurus if my bull-headedness wouldn’t get the better of me sometimes. 😉
Until I was pushed to practice discernment. I followed my intuition and listened to my inner voice. It became much clearer to me later that, my unsuccessful attempts at getting my practice started were actually teaching me to learn how to discern and get clarity — what really are my intentions and what is it that truly gives me joy.
I flowed with where the energies were leading me. It took a while but I finally set aside whatever plans I had. In fact, part of that plan was the setting up of this blog site, which I did in November 2011, but primarily only as a way of introducing myself.
Less than a year later, I updated the “About Nadine Marie” section to include the following:
During these intense transitional periods and shifts, while she is in what Karen Bishop refers to as the “in-between phase of the ascension process,“ Nadine Marie is devoting her time to self-care and self-healing and is not offering any of her services. She continues to carry out her mission and contributes to the planetary and humanity’s ascension through writing and blogging, her beingness and living her light.
When I updated this section in August 2012, little did I know that about six months later, I’d be entering my Chiron Return phase. And my research findings stress the essential point that how I navigate through with the energies of this rite of passage, how I come out of my wounding, and how I heal my core wounds — these will define and set the course of the rest of my incarnation.
My focus now, and what gives me the most joy and healing, is writing and blogging, in addition to being in the water —although I sooo miss salsa dancing! 😦 And a major part of healing my core wounds — and my healing process in general — is conducting this life review and writing about it.
When I revisit my past, my intention is to pick up the pieces I left behind. Parts of me I rejected. Feelings I repressed. I’m taking back the power I so gave away.
When I left the Philippines in 2006, my intention, dream, and desire was to start a new life. I didn’t want to come back; I wasn’t planning to. In hindsight, I was running away. I turned my back on anything and anyone connected with my previous disempowered life and disintegrated self. I thought I empowered myself by doing that. I actually gave my power away even more. I left not with or in love, but with and in anger.
Now that I’m back and revisiting my past, I’m taking back parts of me, of my life that I, unknowingly, left behind.
Coming full circle
Our past indeed catches up on us when we had dealt with it in a disempowered way. However, rather than let my past chase me, I’m now choosing to deal with it with much self-empowerment.
To effectively heal, fully transition and deeply transform, rather than passively allowing my past to catch up on me, I’m choosing instead to face it squarely. Come on! Who else, where else, what else do I need to face and be done with it? 🙂
Last month, I posted about my dilemma about revisiting the past. I wondered if I might be overdoing it and digging too much.
Sure there’s an ongoing collective shift and transition making many of us release what no longer serves us. In addition to this energy, I’ve realized that, my compelling need and seemingly insatiable desire to revisit and release my past is largely influenced by my Chiron Return. I’m so drawn to look into it, every bit and piece of it, in every nook and cranny, every experience I had, every character I interacted with, every chapter of my history, every episode of my life story. To see where else I have left parts of me behind.
I am piecing myself back together towards an integrated, empowered whole. To recover what was lost. Much like a soul retrieval process in shamanism tradition.
To come full circle.
To be born anew.
To return to who I AM.
“The task of the shaman is to set free the energy bound in our stories, in our wounds, and to transform this energy into power and compassion within us, so that we may reclaim our own souls.” ~ Alberto Villoldo
- Revisiting the Past – Snake Medicine (Part 3)
- Healer, Heal Thyself
- Defining Boundaries in the Filipino Setting
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