To Publish or Not to Publish My Post

August is the birthday month of my aunt who passed on 14 years ago. I’ve been deeply reflecting back on her life, my relationship with her, and the insights and growth opportunities for me. I’ve been writing extensively. Journaling and blogging.

But there are a couple of posts which I’ve been going back and forth with whether or not I am going to publish them as part of my In memory of Tita Lola series.

The topic? Death and her dying moments.

 death is a revolution of the self,  where life was the precurser.  death is a slippery slope for some,  for others the exact oposite.   death is something to be met either fastly or slowly,  rarely in between. death is a perspective formed from your choices,  and a choice based on your actions. ©2006-2013 ~er0k Image source: http://www.deviantart.com/


death is a revolution of the self,
where life was the precursor.
death is a slippery slope for some,
for others the exact opposite.
death is something to be met either fastly or slowly,
rarely in between.
death is a perspective formed from your choices,
and a choice based on your actions.
©2006-2013 ~er0k Image source: http://www.deviantart.com/

It is a topic that I know brings a lot of discomfort to many. Deep fear.

I was thinking maybe I can skip the part about her death and dying moments. Too depressing a topic. Maybe I can just go right to the concluding part and talk about the insights that I’m now getting as I look back. Or how about taking a break from this series and blog about other lighter topics instead?

Yet I feel that there’s a lot of misconception about death which needs to be addressed.

I don’t claim to have all the answers though. I don’t profess to be most knowledgeable on the subject. Tita Lola’s transition though was one pivotal moment, both in my relationship with her and in my own personal journey. It ushered in the beginning of the shifting in my view of death and dying, life and living.

On the evening of the 18th of this month, for some “strange” reason unbeknownst to me, I suddenly opted to check the site of one of my long-time followers, The London Flower Lover. At the time, I had already started contemplating on whether or not I was going to publish my posts. And their most recent post?

Top Five Regrets and the Dying.

I still didn’t take that as an answer. I slept over it. I set out the intention for me to know the answer when I wake up.

The following morning, still filled with feelings of uncertainty, I was led to an article, the topic of which was again about death: Hosting dinner at home with death as the topic of conversation. The idea is an offshoot from the concept of Death Café, where “people come together in a relaxed and safe setting to discuss death, drink tea and eat delicious cake. The objective of Death Cafe is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’.”

I still didn’t feel compelled to publish my post. Truth be told, it wasn’t so much the topic of death per se that I wasn’t comfortable with. Rather, it was whether or not I was going to include some of my thoughts and feelings which might be hurtful to people concerned, and some details which would unearth family narratives that might even be more damaging than healing.

therighttowrite

“All of us have a sex drive. All of us have a drive to write.” ~ Julia Cameron

Meanwhile, I opted to blog about other unrelated topics including Julia Cameron’s newly published book, Artist’s Way for Parents: Raising Creative Children. Discovering this led me to her other book which I purchased only the other day, Right to Write: An Invitation and Initiation Into the Writing Life.

Oh I so resonated with the majority of what I’ve read so far! It helped me clear the blockages in my channel and what’s holding me back. I’m getting the guidance and clarity that I need with my writing and blogging experience.

Julia explained that writing is an “act of listening…the art of taking dictation.” When writing becomes straining, it is because much of our ego is in the way. We focus on what we want to say and how it will be received, rather than simply being the channel through which the writing writes through.

And when something wants to be expressed, when we feel the impulse, it will not stop until it is expressed. When we write, when we listen to what we hear, to what wants to be expressed and “simply jot that down, the flow of ideas is not [ours] to generate but to transcribe. When we forget ourselves, when we let go of being good and settle into just being a writer, we begin to have the experience of writing through us. We retire as the self-conscious author and become something else— the vehicle for self-expression. When we are just the vehicle, the storyteller and not the point of the story, we often write very well— we certainly write more easily.”

It was a much-needed reminder. I sure have had those days when I was writing to impress rather than simply to express. And I was reminded to go back to my usual routine and ritual of connecting first to my Divine Self before I even begin to write or edit a blog post, and to ask for what it is that wants to be expressed, written and shared with the public.

Taking that step isn’t strange or new territory to me. It is familiar energy. It has been my practice. In fact, it was exactly what I did when I prepared for Tita Lola’s eulogy 14 years ago. But I’m getting ahead of myself and getting ahead of my posts.

Yesterday morning, I already had the intention of editing my post about Tita Lola’s death and her dying moments, for eventual publishing. Well-equipped with the timely reminder from Julia’s book, my editing was surely effortless. I was finally able to address my earlier concern about how much of my thoughts and feelings and other details to include.

"The objective of Death Cafe is to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives." (www.deathcafe.com) Image source: http://blog.spiritualityandpractice.com/

“The objective of Death Cafe is to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.” (http://deathcafe.com) Image source: http://blog.spiritualityandpractice.com/

Before I began my editing work, for some “strange” reason again, I suddenly decided to check one of the sites that I’m following, Spirituality and Practice: Resources for Spiritual Journeys. I haven’t browsed through this site in a very long time. And what would greet me is one of their recent posts which talked about, you guessed it, death. Specifically, Death Cafes. Again.

Something surely wants to come through. I am left with no doubt whatsoever that I am being used as a vehicle for it. The topic, the writing, the writing of the topic is indeed calling my attention to be expressed.

My experience, my insights and realizations about Tita Lola’s death and dying moments — it surely wants to be transcribed on the page. To be shared with others. To be published. Finally.

And something just came to me now. Might part of that nagging impulse be Tita Lola herself who wants something about her, about her life to be expressed? Something she was unable to articulate during her last incarnation? It was something that I did for her when I gave my eulogy.  And something that I most certainly have no qualms doing for her again.

And then again, perhaps it is one of Tita Lola‘s ways of expressing her love for me — by allowing her story, including her death and dying moments, to be transcribed, to show up on the page, in order for me to express myself and give myself the voice. To be heard. To be healed. To forgive and to be forgiven. To be transformed.

And all these, whether or not I do end up publishing what has been written.

# # #

Copyright © 2011-2013 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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15 Responses to To Publish or Not to Publish My Post

  1. Dear Nadine Marie,
    Most people are frightened of death. I was with my first husband for a few hours right after he died 30 some years ago. I watched the transition of his physical form and also knew when his spirit left his body. That was my personal funeral. I suppose I’ve never been close to dying or making the transiton so can only speculate how I will feel – maybe fearful – but my husband’s death transformed the death experience for me. I feel so privileged to have witnessed it.
    Blessings,
    Brenda

    Like

    • It is indeed a privilege Brenda. And my concept and view about death continues to evolve even as I read your reflections now and reflect on them. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your own experience and reflections. Much Blessings and Much Love to you Brenda…Namaste…♥♥♥NadineMarie♥♥♥

      Like

  2. lisalday111711 says:

    To be with someone you love as they die is one of the most intimate moments you can ever have with a person. That is when all the masks are off and the authentic self arises for the witness and for the person going through their transformation. It took my father 6 months to let go and I witnessed everyday he fought it for he was so afraid. I was the one who held him as he fought for his final breath and I feel so blessed and so honored to have shared such a personal moment with this man. I will always be thankful to him for that for it was I that was transformed….forever changed.
    Death is can be beautiful
    Lisa

    Like

    • Oh, such beautiful and insightful words Lisa! Thank you so much for sharing and blessing me and this site with such energy. Much Love and Much Blessings to you…Namaste…♥♥♥NadineMarie♥♥♥

      Like

  3. nikholas101 says:

    Thank you Nadine, Now, I see death with new eyes, finally death is just illusion and can be beautiful as Lisa says. Namaste Nadine

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  4. I find myself in the same quandary and lately I have been publishing what I consider “fluff” pieces. I like to make people happy and to encourage them. I am realizing though that life is not all sweetness and light and this world can be ugly. My current feelings are to write about this ugliness but I don’t want to offend.
    I have that saying ” Write to express not to impress” written on the front page of one of my notebooks. It is certainly true and I try to follow this even in my fluff.
    You have inspired me. Death is not pretty but it is a part of life. Writing is therapeutic not only for the writer but the reader as well.
    Thanks for sharing this. I think you should not hold back and neither should I.

    Like

    • Thank you too. I’m glad you took the time to read and to share your own reflections. Write to express not to impress. A constant reminder that’s surely serving me well.

      During the beginning stage of this blog, I was also keeping it safe. It took a laryngitis last year for me to realize that and move away from that space. I blogged extensively about it and it was the beginning of my blogging in a much more intimate way. And I thought I already got it.

      Not long after, during March this year, on the occasion of the 4th death anniversary of my father, I found myself once more getting stuck with my blogging. The culprit? My fear of criticism and need for approval — deep-seated issues rooted in my childhood. Another layer has been peeled away since and my blogging has taken a deeper level, at the risk of receiving criticism and negative feedback from others, especially my family.

      And now, here I am once more. The same predicament. Yet another layer being peeled away. And I know this energy is being ushered in by my Chiron Return this year, which I also have blogged about quite extensively. I learned that my core wound, my Chironic wound, is in the area of home, family, childhood upbringing, roots, and environment. So these are all coming up for me for even deeper and more profound healing and transmutation, and hopefully, full completion, conclusion and final resolution.

      I’m glad you’ve been inspired. I am really so thankful that I followed the impulse to write and blog and to launch this site. The amount of support and inspiration that I’ve received from people in blogosphere is unbelievable! This being one of them. Again, thank you! 🙂

      Much Love and Much Blessings to you…Namaste…♥♥♥NadineMarie♥♥♥

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