I haven’t posted for the past two weeks. And I’m starting to feel the anxiety around my self-imposed deadlines and frequency of posts. It’s all these voices in my head telling me, alright, pressuring me to write. You gotta write!
Yes, it’s my inner critic and my perfectionistic tendencies with all the should’s and the must’s. The do’s and the don’ts.
And yes, I am, was allowing myself to be influenced, alright, dictated by what the experts and authorities say, and what I’ve been reading about on how to blog successfully or write more effectively. And as I followed their tips and guidelines, especially on how to overcome my blocks, writer’s or otherwise, I found myself getting even more stuck, more blocked and more confused on what to write about! 🙂
I was spending time, perhaps more than necessary, reading, researching and listening to how to write and blog more effectively. I was doing the exercises on what might be causing the block and how to overcome it, instead of actually writing!
Sure the exercises are supposed to help me gain clarity and keep the creative writing momentum going again. Yet where does one draw the line? How does one strike a balance? How much of the experts’ advice do I go along with, and how much of what I want, do I follow and give it permission and its rightful voice of expression?
Don’t get me wrong. I have found tons of invaluable tools and resources, some of which I do want to share in this site.
Yet, I now find myself asking, how about if I simply let the creative juices flow and allow the energies to go where they want to? And even if the energies seem to go directionless, it is what it is. No judgment. No pressure.
Am I rationalizing it too much? And I sometimes do have that tendency. Am I intellectualizing a process that is so much more intuitive than logical?
And am I being too hard on myself?
I believe so.
Perhaps I am being reminded to simply go back to the joy of expressing and writing — whatever, however, wherever. It is my site after all.
When I find myself exerting too much effort, I am actually losing my connection with Source, which is where my creativity stems from. When I make an effort, too much effort, and force myself to connect with and align with Source, knowing that that’s how and that’s when I’m most inspired, the more I make an effort to connect with Source, the more I in fact lose my connection with my Creator, my creativity.
I am do-ing rather than be-ing. And we all know that it is in the state of be-ing where things are flowing more freely, and life unfolds effortlessly, organically, naturally.
And I am actually taking away the pleasure of creating. I am moving away from the process and the very essence of creating — the thrill of discovering, of not knowing, yet excitedly anticipating the unraveling of endless possibilities.
Ahhh…me and my human experience. Attempting to make sense of every experience, yet finding myself scratching my head and saying, “Hmmm…but this doesn’t make sense!”
Perhaps it’s simply my inner rebel, calling for attention and needing to be heard. And Uranus is strongly positioned in my natal chart. (In astrology, “Uranus represents sudden turns, rebellion, independence, invention, surprises, liberation, disruption, awakening.”)
And here I am blogging, alright, venting about it, and still not able to make much sense of it. 🙂
Well, at least I’ve now posted about it — which broke my two-week lull, and whatever writing and blogging “do’s and don’ts” there are!
Now that is just what gave me so much pleasure and joy! 🙂
And I’m now a happy camper, and a joyous and content writer and blogger again! 🙂
# # #