I Am So Over My Caretaking Days

I most certainly am utilizing the potent energies of this weekend’s Super Moon.

Astrologer and Intuitive Guide Maya White wrote,

Be sure to catch moon rise this weekend – you know, that special time of day when the sun sets in the west and the moon rises in the east. Get yourself out into a place with wide, open spaces such as at a mountain top or at the beach.  Because this full moon is closer to the earth than usual, it will appear larger and brighter – a sight to behold.”

And that’s exactly where I’m at — the beach, in a wide open space, on top of a cliff, with a view of the glorious sunset and three other nearby major islands…

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…in a property owned by such kind-hearted, gracious and generous, and oh-so-loving couple, blessed with two adorable children who have become a source of my joy.  🙂

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Everything around me is simply vibrating with such high frequency that I can truly claim this island a paradise! 🙂 And I have yet to explore it. More about that in future posts…..

As I walked along the beach this morning, a spot called me, “Come, do your burning rituals here.” And that’s precisely what I intend to do tonight.

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Years of inner work and self-inquiry have built up to the point where I have finally released my caretaking tendencies. And I am honoring and celebrating such a momentous occasion through a burning ritual during this weekend’s most potent Super Moon.

I have let go of the pattern of being a savior, a rescuer, a martyr. Those days are gone and are now behind me. Those days are no longer aligning with who, what, and where I’m at now in my journey. The purpose has been served. The message has been heard. The lesson has been learned.

Being clear about this and how it no longer fits into my life purpose and mission is critical as I contemplate on what I am being inspired to “do” in this island.

Taking care of my brother – one of the most pivotal moments in my biography

A decade ago, my brother suffered from ruptured aneurysm due to several years of drug abuse.

I ended up being his full-time caregiver. A role that wasn’t forced upon me but something which I took upon myself freely.  Voluntarily.  Wholeheartedly. With much enthusiasm, passion and determination.

I firmly believed it was my mission and my calling. I thought it was the only way to serve and to be of service — to be there for someone else other than myself.

I was concerned and focused on only one thing — to take care of my brother and see him through the ordeal. In the process, I neglected myself. Naturally, I eventually experienced caregiver burnout. Oh yes, me and my caretaking days.

Taking care of my brother though gave me the opportunity and the experience to be clear and certain that it is the healing arts that I would be involved with, after my corporate career.  Witnessing my brother’s miraculous recovery and healing broadened and shifted my perspective on health and healing. And it strengthened my faith and trust in the Divine.

But when he was getting better, he started to take out his frustrations and anger on me. Something he was so used to doing — taking out his inner turmoil on others, especially those close to him. Something that I was also so used to putting up with — being a basket case and recipient of other people’s inner turmoil. From him and from the rest of our family, and other people eventually.

It was our family dynamics. Persecutor-Rescuer-Victim. The Karpman Drama Triangle. A family dynamics found in families of abuse.

If you’ll continue behaving that way and treating me with less respect, I will have to leave because your behavior simply isn’t acceptable.”

I was advised by a friend of the family who is a nurse to say those words to my brother, which I did. She had been exposed to similar kinds of disrespectful treatment and abusive behavior from patients and insisted that I not put up with it, even if he’s my brother.

Treading on unfamiliar ground

Saying no to abuse was new territory to me. It wasn’t easy. It was very challenging. I was filled with mixed emotions. There were opposing energies within. I was being pulled in opposite directions. I was feeling angry, sad, guilty, confused, relieved, helpless, clueless, exhausted, drained, frustrated….a whole gamut of emotions.

I was feeling guilty for the most part, thinking I was being such a “bad” sister. And other people’s comments and opinions reinforcing my false belief only added to my confusion.  “Naku, paano na ang kapatid mo? (Oh no, what about your brother?)” Ah, hello? What about me?

It was a difficult and painful process and experience.  To go from being my brother’s sister, mother, friend, wife, confidant, nurse, all rolled into one, and being by his side practically 24×7, to being cold and distant, or at least attempting to appear to be. Oh it was tough. Very tough.

But I was learning tough love. I was only beginning to learn how to set boundaries and say no to abuse. For the first time, I was giving love — no longer to other people but to myself.

And despite the hurt and the pain that transpired between us, I am appreciative of my brother who fulfilled our spiritual agreement. For remembering to take on the role of making me learn one of the greatest lessons, if not my greatest lesson ever — self-love.

It’s been one of my favorite songs but it’s only now that I can feel the lyrics reverberate in every cell of my body, as I sing with so much gusto, the following lines from Whitney Houston’s signature song,

“The greatest love of all is happening to me. Learning to love [myself] is the greatest love of all.”

It’s been 10 years and today, I am no longer the caretaker or savior of someone else.  “To the rescue” is no longer one of my mantras. 🙂 Caretaker, savior, rescuer, martyr are no longer part of my vocabulary of roles to play. 🙂

I am now choosing to look after only myself. The rest will and can take care of themselves.

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Last month marked my 51st birthday. My re-birthday. The beginning of a new way of living.

There certainly have been major shifts in my energies, perception, beliefs and guiding principles. And as I am choosing to operate in a New Reality, manifesting my geographical Home on Earth, and co-creating my Heaven on Earth, caretaking and being someone’s savior have no more place in my being. I simply do not resonate with that energy anymore.

I AM so over my caretaking, martyr, rescuer, and savior days. I have released that pattern out of my system. And there couldn’t have come a better time than this superbly potent Full Moon/Summer Solstice weekend for a grand celebration of such a milestone! 🙂

Related posts:

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Copyright © 2011-2013 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing, where I share my thoughts and reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...♥♥♥Nadine Marie♥♥♥
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13 Responses to I Am So Over My Caretaking Days

  1. A very powerful post that struck a chord with me. I have been caring for others for years ~ children, disabled mother now husband who is ill. It is a soul destroying experience and gradually as you say we burn out. Somewhere I lost myself and I had no idea that I was important too. But now I am taking back little bits of time and writing my blog. It is a start. Thank you for such an uplifting post and go forward in strength and peace x

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  2. Thank you for your comment. It reminded me to include in this post the link to another post which I wrote earlier about the same topic, Loving Myself: My caretaking days are over. I shared in that post what has led me and many of us to carry on such selfless tasks. That to do otherwise is being selfish. I also believe that women, collectively, have been programmed for the longest time, to take on such roles. It’s instinctual and it’s part of our evolution as women to find the balance between giving and receiving.

    “Overcaring” is the term used by the Institute of HeartMath (http://www.heartmath.org/),an organization that studies the heart’s intelligence and offers stress management programs. Like you, I had no idea how important taking care, first and foremost, of myself is before I can even effectively take care of someone else. “I cannot give what I do not have.” — It took a while for me to embody that.

    Writing and blogging gives me one of my greatest joys. Yes, let’s keep on blogging as a way to shine our light so we can be a beacon to others.

    Thank you for stopping by and sharing your experiences and reflections. Much appreciated and much blessings to you….Namaste…♥♥♥Nadine Marie♥♥♥

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  3. Pingback: “That’s because of his aneurysm!” — The beginning of the end of my caretaking days and rescuer role | Aligning With Truth

  4. Thank you for the wonderful post and beautiful images, Nadine (and for following my Sophia’s Children blog!). I have to say, what you share here sure sounds familiar – right down to the general timeframe, family dynamic, role and patterns, and ‘re-birth day’ (50th and Chiron Return this past February). It’s always lovely to connect with others on the Journey. Blessings, Jamie

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    • You’re most welcome Jamie! Isn’t that interesting? Looooove synchronicities! 🙂 Yes, it truly is thrilling to find the connections with fellow travelers, something that I’m so grateful for to the Internet! 🙂 Much Blessings & Much Love to you as well, Peace & Joy, Keep Well and Be Light!…Namaste…♥♥♥Nadine Marie♥♥♥

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