I turned 51 on the 19th of this month. And a broken snorkeling mask is the gift that I received from the Universe. To others, it may mean nothing. To me, and where I’m at in my journey, what it represents is a most treasured and most significant gift!
In my last couple of posts, I’ve written about how my energies are shifting from anger to peace and calm, as I’m now winding down my five-month journey in the island of Camiguin. I’m leaving tomorrow, quite reluctantly, to head back to the jungle that is Manila. 😦
Much, if not all of the negativity though that I experienced a couple of weeks ago, is now being replaced with a sense of peace and joy which I felt when I first arrived in this magical island. Yay!!!
The greatest source of my joy
A lot of that has to do with my stay at the Volcan Beach Resort, the newest resort in the island. It started its operations only in January this year.
Apart from staying in my ideal nipa hut room/cottage which opens up to the magnificence of Bohol Sea, the greatest source of my joy in my visit in this resort is being nurtured and energized by the water. Daily swimming and snorkeling has most certainly helped — something I wasn’t able to do while staying at the previous cottage, and something that was also a major source of my frustration and disappointment.
I transferred to this resort on the eve of my birthday. And when I woke up at the crack of dawn on my natal day, peacefulness, serenity, and stillness greeted me, as I stepped out of my cottage.
The water was so inviting! I wanted to go snorkeling and explore the house reef.
The water appeared to me to be calm enough for me to only wear my booties. I got in the water without any fins. But something held me back. I hesitated to continue. Something made me feel quite unsafe. I decided to get out of the water and borrow a pair of fins from the resort dive shop. (Earlier on in my trip here, I already lost one of my fins… :-()
One of the dive instructors, Jez, kindly offered to accompany me, if I wanted to. Just to have the feeling of security of someone being there with me. And because I’m not yet that confident being in the water all by myself, I took up his offer.
And I’m so thankful I did.
When we got in the water, and as I was putting on my snorkeling mask, the strap snapped! Whow! It’s a good thing I followed the nudge for me to not continue snorkeling on my own. I definitely would’ve panicked if that happened, especially if I was already in the water all by myself.
More interestingly though, the thought that immediately came to me was,
“I need a new set of lenses through which I can view my experiences at Camiguin.”
So, just as I was starting to de-stress and go through my healing, grieving and gaining clarity, and to receive this message, most certainly made me feel so blessed and supported! On the morning of my birthday at that. The undines surely were sprinkling me with their abundant loving energies, washing away all the toxicity in my system.
I’m now starting to feel some sadness, going through my grief process, with one day left to savor the island. Somehow I’m beginning to have a felt sense that the island of Camiguin has already served its purpose for me. If and when I do come back here, it’ll most likely be only for a vacation but not to live more permanently. I don’t know. I’ll get much clearer when I’m in Manila, after I’ve integrated my experiences.
But I’m glad that my energies have shifted from being furious and appalled to being filled with gratitude and appreciation for the five months that I lived in this island. What a welcome change from “I can’t wait to get out of here!” to “Oh I wish I could stay longer!” :-)And what a welcome change from how my previous travel adventures have ended. I did it! I’m finally breaking the pattern! 🙂 Yay for the shift!!! 🙂 All my experiences, even the unpleasant, challenging and difficult ones, have truly been amazing growth opportunities for me.
The soul simply knows when it’s the rightful place
I was struck by what Jez said when I recounted to him my recent experiences. Despite the list of things that we identify as what we’re looking for or want in a location, the moment we’re in a place and it just feels so right, then that is the rightful place for us. Indeed. The soul simply knows, defying any logical explanations or reasoning.
I’m also being reminded of the impermanence of things and life. What can in fact be considered a permanent home? How do we define permanent residency? Non-attachment to things, people, places, situations — that’s one of the lessons I’m being taught. As is one of the teachings of Buddhism, it is our attachment that leads to suffering.
The life of a gypsy
There’s also one thought that I already had earlier on in my search for my island home. And the thought has come back. It’s something I will be mulling over and will get clarity in days, weeks or months to come, as I go through my grief, healing and integration process.
Might I be intended to live a gypsy life, if I’m not already, without any “permanent” home, travelling and exploring? An astrologer recently told me that my spiritual growth happens when I’m travelling. Something about the travelling opens me up. And I can certainly attest to that. Might that be the way of life that will give me the most joy? Perhaps I’m being told to fully embrace and accept that. And that will help ease the burden and lessen the struggle.
I’m also getting the message that I need to learn to travel light — literally and otherwise. So it doesn’t become so much of a pain and struggle to pack and unpack. To come and go. And to let go when it’s time to go.
Might it also be that I have yet to learn a few other lessons, or I still need to truly embody some other traits, or unload a few other limiting beliefs and thought patterns, before my geographical home on earth and I meet? Or perhaps the people with whom I’m supposed to be living in community with are also still being prepared before we can rightfully meet and connect.
It’s interesting that these questions are coming up for me as I’m going through my Chiron Return, which I’ve also written about quite extensively not too long ago. One area that’s being affected by my Chiron Return is my concept of hearth and home. Am I being taught to truly embody the saying, “Home is where the heart is”? And that, wherever I am is my home?
Not everything that’s broken is no longer useful
As a believer of everything happening for a reason and that nothing happens by accident, I’m most certainly grateful for a broken snorkeling mask as a birthday gift. I’m definitely using a new set of lenses through which I view my experiences, not only in Camiguin , not only in my other travel destinations, but in all of the first 50 years of my life.
Despite the chaos the week prior, and despite my snorkeling mask breaking, actually because of my snorkeling mask breaking, it was indeed a truly happy birthday. The promise of a new life. A new way of being and living. A new beginning. A rebirth.
And as I winded down for the evening, I was once more bathed by the energizing light of the Sun, greeting me joyously, “Happy Re-birthday!”
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