What? Only one like and one comment? And from the same person who “liked” it? Why? Why did it not appeal to other than this one person? What’s “wrong” with what I wrote?
I immediately went to fear-driven thinking. My inner child quickly took over the driver’s seat. Grabbing for approval, appreciation, affirmation, attention, affection. The 5A’s that a child needs for healthy psychological and emotional development which I didn’t receive during my childhood. I discussed it in an earlier post here.
Interestingly, quite synchronistically, paradoxically and truly funny that the post I’m referring to, the one which received one like, is about the story of my rejection. My core wound stemming back from my childhood. It has come up quite strongly recently, ushered in by the energies of my Chiron Return, giving me the opportunity to once more, revisit the wounding and, once and for all, heal the wound.
The Universe really has a very good sense of humor. And I’m thankful, so have I! 🙂
It felt like God conspired not only with the followers of this site, not only with the entire wordpress family, but the rest of humanity! Like a game being played on me. 🙂 Trickster was surely making its presence strongly felt.
Let’s see how she’d respond if she doesn’t get any response. Let’s see how far along she truly is in her journey of overcoming her need for approval.
At least there was one. Maybe this person didn’t receive the memo! 🙂 I can just imagine how my hurting little Nadine would have reacted and acted out big time, if there was absolutely NO ONE who liked, commented, or even visited. Oh yes, I checked the statistics to see how many actually read it. 🙂
And to think that I’ve been getting a lot of realizations while I’m deep into my Chiron Return introspection work. Insights which I’m just too excited to share. This post about my rejection story was only the beginning. And this is the kind of response and support that I get, or lack thereof? Wow, was my little Nadine going haywire! 🙂
But my tantrum didn’t take more than a day though. 🙂 That’s improvement. Huge.
I immediately knew my issue was so glaringly presenting itself. In your face, Nadine! 🙂
My little Nadine may be having a pity party but I’m truly so grateful that I’m going through my process of clearing and cleaning up real-time. Big time. On-time.
And if that hasn’t been made clear yet, and just as I had recovered from the trauma and stigma of that “one-liked” post :-), only a few days ago, someone commented the following on a recent post.
“I have to say that the stock photo at the very top does not fit…it diminishes your story.”
Oh I immediately went to defense and self-doubt mode.
I told you Nadine, you should have used another photo. Or not used any photo at all. And the thought of removing it after reading this comment even crossed my mind. 🙂
My need for approval has really been coming up for healing and showing up in all shapes and forms! And thanks to this reader for being one of my teachers, reminding me what I’m supposed to be overcoming and mastering.
The Universe can be really funny. And if I myself didn’t have a sense of humor, and had I not done the kind of inner work that I have, I would most likely still be sulking. I’m sure to be spending money, time, and energy asking for clarity, getting a reading, looking for validation. Again.
I hear you. I get it.
A fellow blogger reflecting me back to me
There’s a blog site which I so resonated with and followed during its infancy days. I unfollowed shortly thereafter when the energies were no longer aligning with mine.
For some reason, I checked it out not too long ago. What would greet me is a post talking about how the site owner seems to be getting discouraged from the lack of response, feeling like she/he is talking to herself/himself. And she/he is contemplating on not continuing to blog, or not writing as often, or reshaping her/his writing/site.
I knew instantly that the Universe was sending me another message, mirroring back to me my situation. To reflect and revisit my intentions about writing and blogging.
And I’m reminding myself of something which I recently learned from the book, Happier Than She’s Ever Been by Menna van Praag. Something I have yet to fully embody but something I’m strongly committed to and aiming for.
Each time I find myself in similar situations, I’ll look in the mirror and ask,
Are you filling in an unmet need?
Are you or your inner child seeking for approval, attention, appreciation, affirmation, affection?
Why are you blogging and writing to begin with?
Are you writing to impress or are you writing to express?
I intended for this blog site to be a vehicle through which other people may be inspired. To make a difference and contribute to the healing of humanity and the planet.
By sharing what’s helping me in my process, I had hoped that this site can assist those who may be searching for answers, looking for transformational tools and resources to help them in their healing journey.
I don’t think there’s anyone who’s being assisted and transformed by this site more than me.
When I seek for external means to fill in these unmet needs, I’m only perpetuating and deepening the wound. When I depend on the likes, comments, and visits as a means of measuring my self-worth and value, or how remarkable or effective my writing is, or how successful my work is — all these is a reflection of duality consciousness and materialism. That “more is better” — which isn’t.
It’s the limited and limiting way of thinking and fear-based living that I’m committed to transcend. The very paradigm that I’m desiring for humanity to grow out of. The fear-driven level of consciousness which humanity is supposed to shift away from. And it is what I’m passionate about — to assist humanity in making the shift happen. My personal mission.
Indeed, we teach what we need to learn.
Truly humbling and quite gratifying.
Am I being drawn to and am I attracting those whose wounds I want to heal in order to heal my own? Because of the need to heal my own? Or instead of healing my own?
What an apt reminder, and what a gift from the Wounded Healer himself, Chiron, as I’m going through my own pivotal Chiron Return —
“Healer, heal thyself.”
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