Healer, Heal Thyself

What? Only one like and one comment? And from the same person who “liked” it? Why? Why did it not appeal to other than this one person? What’s “wrong” with what I wrote?

I immediately went to fear-driven thinking. My inner child quickly took over the driver’s seat. Grabbing for approval, appreciation, affirmation, attention, affection. The 5A’s that a child needs for healthy psychological and emotional development which I didn’t receive during my childhood. I discussed it in an earlier post here.

Interestingly, quite synchronistically, paradoxically and truly funny that the post I’m referring to, the one which received one like, is about the story of my rejection. My core wound stemming back from my childhood. It has come up quite strongly recently, ushered in by the energies of my Chiron Return, giving me the opportunity to once more, revisit the wounding and, once and for all, heal the wound.

The Universe really has a very good sense of humor. And I’m thankful, so have I! 🙂

It felt like God conspired not only with the followers of this site, not only with the entire wordpress family, but the rest of humanity! Like a game being played on me. 🙂  Trickster was surely making its presence strongly felt.

Let’s see how she’d respond if she doesn’t get any response. Let’s see how far along she truly is in her journey of overcoming her need for approval.

At least there was one. Maybe this person didn’t receive the memo! 🙂 I can just imagine how my hurting little Nadine would have reacted and acted out big time, if there was absolutely NO ONE who liked, commented, or even visited. Oh yes, I checked the statistics to see how many actually read it. 🙂

And to think that I’ve been getting a lot of realizations while I’m deep into my Chiron Return introspection work. Insights which I’m just too excited to share. This post about my rejection story was only the beginning. And this is the kind of response and support that I get, or lack thereof? Wow, was my little Nadine going haywire! 🙂

But my tantrum didn’t take more than a day though. 🙂  That’s improvement. Huge.

I immediately knew my issue was so glaringly presenting itself. In your face, Nadine! 🙂

My little Nadine may be having a pity party but I’m truly so grateful that I’m going through my process of clearing and cleaning up real-time. Big time. On-time.

And if that hasn’t been made clear yet, and just as I had recovered from the trauma and stigma of that “one-liked” post :-), only a few days ago, someone commented the following on a recent post.

I have to say that the stock photo at the very top does not fit…it diminishes your story.”

Oh I immediately went to defense and self-doubt mode.

I told you Nadine, you should have used another photo. Or not used any photo at all. And the thought of removing it after reading this comment even crossed my mind. 🙂

My need for approval has really been coming up for healing and showing up in all shapes and forms! And thanks to this reader for being one of my teachers, reminding me what I’m supposed to be overcoming and mastering.

The Universe can be really funny. And if I myself didn’t have a sense of humor, and had I not done the kind of inner work that I have, I would most likely still be sulking. I’m sure to be spending money, time, and energy asking for clarity, getting a reading, looking for validation. Again.

I hear you. I get it. 

A fellow blogger reflecting me back to me

There’s a blog site which I so resonated with and followed during its infancy days. I unfollowed shortly thereafter when the energies were no longer aligning with mine.

For some reason, I checked it out not too long ago. What would greet me is a post talking about how the site owner seems to be getting discouraged from the lack of response, feeling like she/he is talking to herself/himself. And she/he is contemplating on not continuing to blog, or not writing as often, or reshaping her/his writing/site.

I knew instantly that the Universe was sending me another message, mirroring back to me my situation. To reflect and revisit my intentions about writing and blogging.

And I’m reminding myself of something which I recently learned from the book, Happier Than She’s Ever Been by Menna van Praag. Something I have yet to fully embody but something I’m strongly committed to and aiming for.

Each time I find myself in similar situations, I’ll look in the mirror and ask,

Are you filling in an unmet need?

Are you or your inner child seeking for approval, attention, appreciation, affirmation, affection?

Why are you blogging and writing to begin with?

Are you writing to impress or are you writing to express?

I intended for this blog site to be a vehicle through which other people may be inspired. To make a difference and contribute to the healing of humanity and the planet.

By sharing what’s helping me in my process, I had hoped that this site can assist those who may be searching for answers, looking for transformational tools and resources to help them in their healing journey.

Guess what?

I don’t think there’s anyone who’s being assisted and transformed by this site more than me.

Through writing and blogging, I’m addressing my issues resulting from my own unmet needs as a child, the 5A’s — the need for Affection. Affirmation. Appreciation. Approval. Attention.

When I seek for external means to fill in these unmet needs, I’m only perpetuating and deepening the wound. When I depend on the likes, comments, and visits as a means of measuring my self-worth and value, or how remarkable or effective my writing is, or how successful my work is — all these is a reflection of duality consciousness and materialism. That “more is better” — which isn’t.

It’s the limited and limiting way of thinking and fear-based living that I’m committed to transcend. The very paradigm that I’m desiring for humanity to grow out of. The fear-driven level of consciousness which humanity is supposed to shift away from. And it is what I’m passionate about — to assist humanity in making the shift happen. My personal mission.

Indeed, we teach what we need to learn.

Truly humbling and quite gratifying.

Am I being drawn to and am I attracting those whose wounds I want to heal in order to heal my own? Because of the need to heal my own? Or instead of healing my own?

What an apt reminder, and what a gift from the Wounded Healer himself, Chiron, as I’m going through my own pivotal Chiron Return

“Healer, heal thyself.”

# # #

Copyright © 2011-2013 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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20 Responses to Healer, Heal Thyself

  1. Wyon says:

    at the risk of stimulating the neurosis that you think you have i will be the one to like this post and comment on it. But I am sure there will be others. Keep up the self exploration and thanks for your reflections.

    Like

  2. lauriesnotes says:

    I find a part of me checking the likes, etc. and I have started embracing it..instead of judging like I used to.”Here I go checking.. I say. 🙂 There are other parts that it doesn’t affect. It’s messy work..but I can’t imagine not doing it. I can’t imagine going to someone for help who hasn’t done it.
    SOmetimes it is more satisfying to connect with one deeply or with a deeper part of myself.

    Like

  3. rhcwilliams says:

    Nadine, let not your heart be discouraged! Of course we’re out here reading and being edified by your posts. The thing is, it’s hard to press the “Like” button when a post might strike a nerve about our own life or childhood that feels uncomfortable. We don’t “Like” how it feels, but we, you know, get it. We get it. I can tell you, if you had a “thought-provoking” or “intriguing” button, I’d press it every time. Keep doing your thing, knowing the ones who “get it” are always there. Peace & Blessings, Ruth

    Like

    • Wow, thank you Ruth! 🙂 I’m equally deeply touched and humbled. 🙂 Thank you for showing me another perspective — the silent readers and followers. Thanks for being one of those. And yes, I will continue doing what I love to do and remind myself to do so simply because it brings me joy. 🙂 And much joy and much blessings to you Ruth! Keep well and be Love!

      Like

  4. A very deep profound and insightful post, Nadine, that I think we all can relate to in some way. Thanks for the reminder. Jonathan

    Like

  5. Dear Nadine Marie,
    I may have discovered a computer glitch on your site that explains the lack of likes for your last blog – I clicked Like several moments ago and it is still loading – and I’m sure I did the same for your last blog.

    As usual, I loved your blog. This blog was a bit different though – it made me laugh out loud. Don’t all of us on the Internet want others to acknowledge our writing/channeling!!!! Thank you for your wonderful honesty.
    Blessings, Hugs and Sparkles,
    Brenda

    Like

    • I know Brenda, aren’t we humans funny?!? 🙂 We must be the most insecure species God ever created. 🙂 I continue to laugh at myself when I think about these incidents or when I share it with others. Crazy! But human! 🙂

      Computer glitch — that’s another angle. Thank you for pointing that out. I actually noticed it a few times lately, how long it takes for the “likes” to appear at the end of the post and it seems to perpetually be “loading.” I didn’t make any of it. But now that you mentioned it, then yes, that could be one explanation. Thank you! 🙂 I know what I’ll do. I’ll just tell myself that because there are so many people who are visiting this site and so many “liking” it, it’s slowing down the system. It’s making others impatient who simply can’t wait for their gravatar to appear after clicking the “like” button. They assume it’s there even when it isn’t. 🙂 Everything is really relative and a matter of perspective. It’s what we make of our stories and experiences that matters. 🙂

      I’m being as honest and truthful as I possibly can Brenda, especially as I’m baring my heart and soul in my posts. It is a bit tricky though. As I said earlier on, and which is what triggered this deep self-inquiry, because there are other people involved, I’m taking as much caution as is possible and essential, and being very conscious about it. Offending others and causing their ire is the last thing I want. Although that seems inevitable and comes with the territory. But I am already cleaning up blocked and stuck energies. I have no intention of creating any new ones. And that in itself is a whole learning process and growth opportunity for me.

      Thank you for loving my blog — that makes me and my little Nadine feel so loved! 🙂

      And Much Love and Much Blessings to you as well Brenda. 🙂 Keep sparkling! 😉
      ♥♥♥Nadine Marie♥♥♥

      Like

  6. “Indeed, we teach what we need to learn.”

    So true 🙂 and you inspire me, and if you can touch one person you have never met… you must be something like a celebrity 🙂

    Loved this peace… again 😉

    Like

    • Thank you! 🙂 And I’m really glad that you’ve been inspired.

      A celebrity…Hmmmm…Now that is a territory that’s sure to make my little Nadine go haywire with all the criticisms and put downs. Maybe another lifetime when I’ve worked through all my unmet needs… 😉

      Thanks again for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Much Blessings, Keep well and Be Love….♥♥♥Nadine Marie♥♥♥

      Like

  7. kp says:

    Hi Nadine…I can certainly relate to this post. When I started my blog two years ago, it was simple to write; to write what I was feeling. I was not looking for readers; I just needed to write. Over the last few months, I too have wondered why I keep blogging because very few people comment on my blogs. In fact, I went through a few weeks where hardly anyone commented on my posts, and it was not until I reminded myself that I am writing for me….that a few my regular visitors came back to visit those older blogs. Kim

    Like

    • Thank you Kim. It has indeed been quite a journey. And I didn’t think blogging was going to be such a spiritual journey for me.

      And thank you for stopping by and sharing your experiences and reflections. It made me take a quick look at your site and I so love the honesty and truthfulness in your posts. Another timely reminder for me, thank you! 🙂 We really are teachers and students to each other.

      Much Blessings and Much Love to you Kim…Keep well and Be Light! Namaste…
      ….♥♥♥Nadine Marie♥♥♥

      Like

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