Putting a spiritual band-aid on a psychological wound

How could my parents give me something they didn’t have? How could they shower me with love when they didn’t receive enough love?  How could they teach me something they didn’t even know?

We cannot give what we do not have.

My parents undoubtedly had their own inner child wounding and unresolved issues. No doubt about it. That’s why my siblings and I were raised and treated in less than loving ways. And most likely, they were influenced by and have taken only after how their own parents raised and treated them.

I’ve become aware and now know that my parents just didn’t know any better.  They did the best they could. The best they knew how.  Like the rest of us do.

We all do the best we can, in whatever way we know how, with whatever capacities, abilities or limitations we have, at any given time. Knowing this helped me in my forgiveness process.

It isn’t meant to justify or give excuses for my parents’ lack of parenting skills. I’ve come to know all these as part of my youth, my growing up years, and even early adulthood. And they have formed part of my truth.

“You cannot put a spiritual band-aid on a psychological wound.”

These were the words of Harriet Hormillosa, the facilitator of the Reparenting the Child Within workshop that I attended in 1999. It is where I first encountered my little Nadine, and I became aware of how extremely wounded she is. The words rang so true to me.

Yet I also learned that it’s only my adult self who can fully comprehend the concept.  My wounded inner child cannot.

And when the process of forgiveness is not properly carried out or is incomplete, my forgiveness becomes superficial. It takes place only at the intellectual level. It isn’t truly embodied. The wounds remain imprinted in every cell of my body.

“Ipagpasa-Diyos mo na lang yan” (Just leave it all up to God).

A typical response from the average Filipino. It’s supposed to help alleviate the pain. That God will take care of everything, even when the person does nothing else except pray.

I’m not underestimating the power of the Divine. My limited human capacity can’t even fathom the magnitude of the Creator’s supremacy and magnificence.

But I also believe that God helps those who help themselves. I navigate the course of my life in partnership with God. I co-create my destiny with the Creator.

You cannot put a spiritual band-aid on a psychological wound.” These words truly make a lot of sense. And I always remind myself that.

A holistic, integrated approach to healing and forgiveness

The childhood wounds which were inflicted upon me were at the psychological level. No amount of prayer or blind faith can effectively and completely heal the wounds unless my efforts are complemented with the appropriate psychological therapy work. Based on my experiences, research, and studies, a holistic, integrated approach is the most effective.

To begin the forgiveness process, I need to acknowledge first and foremost, that the wounding is there. My wounded inner child then needs to be given the opportunity to voice out. My little Nadine needs to be given permission to release all her hurt, pain, frustrations, anger. Some hurts I’m not even aware actually exist.

I’ve also learned the need to grieve over whatever was lost or wasn’t there during my childhood. To forgive myself for what I mistakenly thought were my own doing. What I falsely blamed myself for.  What others erroneously made me feel responsible for.  To stop blaming my parents and others for the kind of treatment that I experienced. And to stop accusing them of whatever it is that I didn’t receive — even if what was deprived of me is something that I justifiably or rightfully deserve.

And there are healthy, appropriate, and effective ways of releasing these hurts and pain.

The healing power of writing

Much has been said about writing as being very therapeutic. Journaling is such a useful healing tool.

Here are other exercises which have been valuable in my healing journey:

  • Writing an angry letter to my father or mother or at whomever else my inner child is angry.
(Image Source: http://lastbiscuit.blogspot.com/)

WRITING AN ANGRY LETTER. I allow the words to come out, whatever I want to say to whomever I feel angry at. No editing, no thinking.  Cursing is permitted, even encouraged, if it’s necessary and if it will give relief. After all, the letter isn’t going to be given to the addressee. The letter is then burned to release the energy. There is no limit to the number of times that a letter is written. I write as many letters, to as many people, even to the same person, over and over again, as often as is needed, for my healing and forgiveness. (Image Source: http://lastbiscuit.blogspot.com/)

  • Non-dominant handwriting brings up stuff I never knew existed.
Image Source: http://www.interventionsupport.com/

NON-DOMINANT HANDWRITING. I start by asking my little Nadine what she wants to say. Using my non-dominant left hand, I write whatever comes up. Again, no editing, no thinking. And I’m often surprised at what I read after finishing the letter. Others recommend responding by using the dominant hand to write back a letter, the words of which are supposed to be coming from the voice of the Wise One within. But I choose not to do this as my focus and intention are to let all my stuff come up and be released.(Image Source: http://www.interventionsupport.com/)

Image Source: http://tugofthekite.com/

MORNING PAGES. Upon waking up, before even doing anything, while still in bed, I write without stopping until I fill three pages of bond paper. I write whatever comes up, and I mean whatever — a word, thought, feeling, anything. It doesn’t have to make sense. It’s not supposed to make sense. Writing is done longhand, instead of using the computer. I’ve learned that there’s a huge difference in the energy when I use the computer and when I write the traditional way. Using the computer makes it so convenient to edit and correct any grammatical or spelling errors. It goes against the very intention of the morning pages, which is to release any pent-up feelings and emotions and overcome blockages and self-sabotaging tendencies. Writing the morning pages gives a venue for the voice of my inner critic to be heard. The one that tells me “You’re not good enough,” “You can’t do it,” “You don’t have what it takes,” etc., which is usually the voice of either my father or mother which continues to hide somewhere in my brain cells. 🙂 It clears the way for me to live my life fully and authentically, and express my creativity. It’s like having a clogged pipe. Eventually, the water flows freely after whatever’s clogging the pipe has been removed. (Image Source: http://tugofthekite.com)

PRIMAL SCREAM. I take a pillow and place a piece of tissue on top of it. I scream onto the tissue, as loud as I want to, and as hard as I can. It’s important to place a piece of tissue instead of screaming directly on the pillow. The tissue becomes the container of toxic energies. When I’m done screaming, I wrap the tissue, symbolically gathering the freed up toxic energy. I throw it into the garbage, releasing it for transmutation. ♥ ☀ ♥ By the way, notice the ORB on my crown chakra, the white circle right by the top of my head? ♥ ☀ ♥

These are some of the ways that I’m able to give myself the chance to get in touch with my innermost, hidden and repressed feelings and emotions.

A safe space for my inner child to freely express herself.

With no one judging.  No one ridiculing. No one invalidating. And, no one watching.

I may have the middle child syndrome; my little Nadine may be seeking and enjoying the attention.

But it is times like these when I’d much prefer to not be noticed, and instead, be left alone and on my own. 🙂

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Copyright © 2011-2013 Nadine Marie V. Niguidula, M.A. and Aligning With Truth

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About NadineMarie (Aligning With Truth)

I find much joy & fulfillment in sharing my experiences & insights through writing & blogging. I created the site, ALIGNING WITH TRUTH as a virtual center for healing where I share my thoughts & reflections, as well as the tools & resources that are helping me as I move along the path of awakening & coming home to the Self. As I live in joy & align with Truth, I AM shining my Light which is how I contribute to the planetary & humanity ascension. Blessed be. Namaste...💗💖💜Nadine Marie💜💖💗
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7 Responses to Putting a spiritual band-aid on a psychological wound

  1. thank you Nadine…some really good ideas in here. I think you nailed it at the beginning…we all do the best we can with what we have. There will always be gaps. But blaming them for something they could not give me has never worked.

    Jonathan http://www.servingothersblog.com

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    • Yes it’s so easy to blame others instead of taking ownership and responsibility for our issues and challenges. But our wounded inner child simply does not have the capability for that, and the wounding needs to be expressed in order to be healed. And it is our repressed emotions that make us fall into the trap of the blame game. Thanks Jonathan for stopping by. Much blessings, Namaste…♥♥♥Nadine Marie♥♥♥

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  2. lauriesnotes says:

    I think I call this kind of inner child healing spirit work..because it feels like my little child is a part of my spirit. Different than just praying to a higher power for healing though.
    Good ideas for expressing. Thanks. I guess it just feels like this work is a liitle sacred maybe.
    Thanks for writing.

    Like

    • Yes Laurie, the work is sacred and our inner child is very much a part of us, as is all our other parts and various selves that make up the multidimensional being that we are. The more we deny our wounded inner child, the deeper the wounding in our psyche. The more we embrace her/him, the closer we come to spiritualizing our humanness. Thank you for visiting and sharing your thoughts. Much Blessings, Peace & Joy, Love & Light, Namaste…♥♥♥Nadine Marie♥♥♥

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  3. smallpebbles says:

    May I suggest a book too? The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. He addresses this as the awakening process unfolds. He is very clear, simple language, right on the mark. Shanti…..kai

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  4. Pingback: And the pattern of abuse continues – Remembering Dad Part 2 | Aligning With Truth

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