This is déjà vu. A similar incident already happened to me 14 years ago. It was also during the months of October and November.
I was recovering from thyroidectomy. There was a complication following the surgery. My right vocal chord was paralyzed. And as with laryngitis, I also lost my voice. The nodule that was removed turned out to be benign, thankfully, but the vocal chord paralysis devastated me. It was my wake-up call. The message to me then was for me to keep still and be quiet. My journey has since led me to express myself and speak my truth, and to listen to that still, small yet very powerful voice within. And to be led and to be guided by it.
I was raised in a home environment where children were seen and not heard. (Weren’t most of us?) No one was encouraged or even allowed to express their thoughts and feelings. My father always had the last, if not only say. There is no angst in that statement. I am not playing the blame game. Bless his heart and may his soul rest in peace, I know that Dad was simply fulfilling his part in our spiritual contract. Just as with the rest of my family. And boy did they play their role so well! 🙂
I experienced miraculous healing from that vocal chord paralysis in 1998. All the ENT specialists I consulted with gave me the same diagnosis. There was no cure; all I had to do was wait. It would take six to eight months for my voice to come back.
After learning to surrender and deciding to slow down, my voice came back, miraculously and thankfully, in three weeks! 🙂
I had since learned to give myself a voice. I allowed myself to be heard. To express myself and not be afraid of speaking up. To put some balance not only in my throat chakra but in my life in general.
Yet here I am again, 14 years later, with a blocked throat chakra. Again. What happened? Or, what didn’t happen?
I am so mad I can’t speak. Fear of speaking up. Resentment of authority.
These are the probable [metaphysical] causes of laryngitis that Louise Hay outlined in her book, “Heal Your Body A-Z: The Mental Cause for Physical Illness and the Way to Overcome Them.”
I was not surprised with what I read. These causes are all so applicable to my situation. They’re all relevant to what I have been experiencing for the past two and a half years, ever since I returned to the Philippines.
Anger and frustrations
I am so aware of my anger and frustrations.
It is from the feeling of disconnect from the people in my country of origin, the Philippines.
It is from the misalignment of my personal energies with the energies of Manila.
It is from my impatience and disappointment with what I planned for how I was going to carry out my life work vis-a-vis how it has been unfolding. And things weren’t unfolding according to how I planned it or the timeline that I determined. My disappointments included the supposed friends and people I counted on and relied upon for support, as they had promised and committed.
It is from my unfulfilled desire to live in a sustainable, residential community with shared vision and values, in a natural setting and environment, amongst like-minded individuals and kindred spirits. Click here if you want to read my 11-11 vision for a community and way of living, as excerpted from Karen Bishop’s Stepping Into the New Reality: Keys to Living in the New Energies. For the first time, I published a post last month about my frustration with my living situation. Click here if you want to read that post.
So what else have been the sources of my anger and frustrations?
I have allergic rhinitis. Clearly, living in Manila, with its worsening traffic condition and pollution, would surely take its toll on my health. Negligence of my health and well-being was already what paved the way for my awakening.
Yet here I am, setting up myself to getting ill by continuing to be in an environment that’s sure to trigger my allergies. My allergies indeed were severely triggered. The culprit? The polluted environment including the two construction projects nearby — my next door neighbor unit and an additional residential building in our compound. My allergies, not surprisingly, eventually developed to laryngitis.
For the past two and a half years that I’ve been back here, I’ve made a few attempts to situate myself elsewhere. In a more natural, cleaner environment, less urbanized, more rural setting, reflecting a much simpler lifestyle, in the countryside. Seaside, to be more specific.
But I’ve been met with one roadblock after another. One setback after another.
And I had learned that when we’re in the flow, and when what we do is in accordance to the Divine Plan, things flow effortlessly. And when they don’t, it may not be the right time. The other elements may not be ready. I may not even be ready. It may not be for the highest good of everyone concerned. Something better may be awaiting.
It was a challenge for me to see the bigger picture. But I’d learned to trust that there’s a reason why. There is a higher purpose. That everything is divinely timed.
And I am learning to surrender. I am learning to allow, rather than force the process to unfold. I am trusting that there’s a reason why I am here in Manila, or in the Philippines. Still. Not easy but it’s part of my process, and it certainly is what I need to learn, to grow and to evolve.
The environmental pollutants and chemicals that triggered my allergies are only the physical causes behind the laryngitis that I contracted. There are other deeper, metaphysical causes as outlined by Louise Hay, that threw my mental and emotional states out of balance — setting boundaries and my inability to effectively assert myself, my fear of speaking up and my resentment of (spiritual) authority. And I will expound on all these causes and factors in my next posts.
To be continued
Part 2 – The need for personal space
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